Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is this a doomed start?!

(5 Posts)
whattodo44 Tue 07-Jul-15 17:00:11

I have been seeing a guy I met online for a month. We've had day trips together and stayed over (not DTD yet though as I like to wait). We've had many, many conversations on the phone, hours at a time. All going well.

However, both of us have recently come out of long term relationships. We both lived with our exDPs. I had been broken up with my ex for 4 weeks before I met him, and he had been broken up with his ex for 2.5 weeks when we met. When me and exDP broke up, we left the accommodation within a few days (just lucky that the tenancy fitted that way). This guy hadn't seen his ex since they broke up and she had gone to stay with a friend, but last week he had to see her again when she came back to fully move out properly (their tenancy expired). This guy has now been living in a new flat with another guy.

NB: We both said from day one that we knew things werent right with our exDPs for a while, so that is why we felt able to move on relatively quickly. Both our break ups were amicable - neither of us hates our ex DPs.

The problem: on the day his ex fully moved out, he asked to call me. I said yes, and he started talking normally, then suddenly burst into tears. He said it had just 'hit him as a reality,' that it was over, and he just felt sad and he was sorry he was upset etc. I tried to comfort him as best I could. He quickly pulled himself together and we had a long phone call as we usually do. He kept apologising for being upset and said he 100% didnt want to be with her and he hadnt expected to feel sad like he did. He said he couldnt wait to see me again and said he really appreciated how caring I was when he was crying and that I had made him feel a lot better. We both agreed that it would have been simpler if we met a later...I suggested not speaking for a bit and he said he didnt want to do that because he would miss me.

I believe him that it is over with his ex - he has moved somewhere new, we speak all the time etc. And in a way I am glad he got upset as he had seemed quite cold about it up until then. I just feel confused about what to do now... I really like this guy and a couple of days before this phone call where he got upset, I was falling for him fast.

Am I on dangerous ground, or can I put this down to just moving on and life not being simple? I have felt sad about my ex too and cried now and again (havent told new guy this tho!!), and at the same time I KNOW I dont want to be with my ex again. What would you do/think/feel about this?

Sorry for length!!

quirkycutekitch Tue 07-Jul-15 17:44:19

It would have been too early for me - I had been single for a year & my new BF for 9 months before we met each other.

But if you both feel ready to move on why not?

DeanParrish Tue 07-Jul-15 17:49:38

Well I think his crying shows his humanity. It maybe a little too soon for either of you to start a new relationship yet you may both offer each other some comfort.
I have been divorced for 15 years and occasionally still get upset for losing what I thought I had, not for what I actually had. (I would not have him back for a barrow full of money.)

SickInBedOnTwoChairs Tue 07-Jul-15 18:40:38

He was expressing the emotion of it. The emotion was nameless but there all the same. I see this as a plus point for him TBH. He had high hopes. They were dashed. He felt sad about that rather than her. I have felt like this. He sounds sound to me.

yougotafriend Tue 07-Jul-15 19:04:48

I think it shows how much he trusts you that he was capable of showing his true emotions. That'd be a plus in my book.

It might be too soon for both of you but it might not, only time will tell. If you both feel ready I wouldn't take this as a bad sign.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: