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Ending a friendship with one person in a group of friends

(5 Posts)
andypandy123 Mon 06-Jul-15 22:47:44

I'm part of a group of 5 friends who regularly socialise together. One of this group (Sue) i've always been closer to than the others and we often meet up as a pair. The other 3 friends i only see as part of the group of 5.

Over the past 6 months Sue has done a number of things which have started to erode our friendship (being critical of me, tellling me white lies, being unsupportive when I was going through a difficult time etc). Each time I've been annoyed but have seen it as a one off incident and quicky forgiven her. I also haven't said anything to the rest of the group.

Today I confronted Sue about a lie she'd told me last week and realised that the number of 'one-off' incidents is so high that I no longer trust her, or feel supported by her, or want to spend any time with her. The problem is, avoiding Sue means also avoiding the 3 other friends. I don't want to draw them into our disagreement, and don't want to bad mouth Sue or ask the other friends to take sides. Has anyone advice on how to continue spending time with a group of friends when you actively dislike one of the group?

DeanParrish Mon 06-Jul-15 22:56:12

No. You are between a rock and a hard place. Could you gently close down your relationship with Sue, ease off with the friend factor but leave a loose ongoing connection?
Personally if the others weren't too close, I might just back away from them all.

MiddleAgedandConfused Mon 06-Jul-15 23:00:53

My antenatal group has 5 of us but there is one woman I really detest. So when we meet up I avoid sitting next to her and just focus on the 3 people I like. This has been the case for 17 years, so it is doable as long as you avoid a full on bust-up. There have been times when I have found it hard, but I like the other 3 women so I grit my teeth and bite my tongue. Good luck!

Janette123 Tue 07-Jul-15 08:38:50

andypandy123,
This happened to me and unfortunately the person I had problems with, bad-mouthed me to the rest of the group (7 of us). So I cut contact with the whole group.
Now the group has shrunk to 3 because she's upset some of the others as well.
I don't think that "Sue" has just been telling porky-pies to you. If that is her modus operandi then she'll be doing it to others as well and it's only a matter of time before they'll get fed up with it.
Unfortunately I think the best thing to do would to cut contact with all of them and keep yourself to yourself. That way she hasn't got any ammunition to use against you.
It's sad, but life is too short to waste energy dealing with small-minded people.

redexpat Tue 07-Jul-15 09:28:53

I tried inbiting just the others, but either they declined or just invited the non friend along which ruined it for me. So i stopped seeing them.

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