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Doesnt know what he wants

(18 Posts)
xoxoemzxoxo Mon 06-Jul-15 16:00:48

So me and my boyfriend have been together just over 6 months we had the talk about becoming official about 2 months after we met we are both 27. We have been on holiday together we have met eachothers friends etc. Then a few weeks ago hesuddenly he turned around and told me that he doesnt want to be with me anymore as he doesnt want a relationship he prefers to be single. We met up to talk a few days later and he decided he wanted to give things a go. We went away together the next weekend and had a lovely time. Then he ignored me for a few days and again told me he cares about me so much and what a lovely person i am but he prefers being on his own. I left him to it and ignored him but finally gave in yesterday to go and meet him. He apologised and told me he doesnt want to lose me and i mean a lot to him but he just wants to see each other and spend time together and see what happens. We didnt sleep together and dont everytime we see eachother so i know he isnt just after that and he doesnt want either of us to see other people. I asked him if he sees me in his future and his response was he doesnt think much about his future. I told him that not rught now and not nescacarily with him i do want to get married have kids etc and if he is never going to want that (not nessacarily with me but with anyone) then there is no point in us trying. He assured me that he does want that in the future and that i am not wasting my time with him. Sorry for the essay but any adbice will be greatly appreciated!!

pocketsaviour Mon 06-Jul-15 16:11:24

OK, so:

He dumped you because he said he prefers being single
Then he changed his mind
Then he dumped you again with the same reason
Then he changed his mind again
He says he wants to just see each other and "see what happens"
He said he doesn't think much about his future
But then said you weren't wasting your time and he wants marriage and kids at some unspecified time in the future. (But didn't say he wanted them with you.)

Way too indecisive for me. I'd bin him off and look for someone who wants a serious relationship now, if that's what you're wanting.

DeanParrish Mon 06-Jul-15 16:36:06

Leave him. He wants cake, then he wants to eat it. He doesn't seem to be in love with you but doesn't want to be alone. Maybe you are not Ms Right, but Ms Right Now?

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 06-Jul-15 16:44:05

If this is what it is like after just 6 months then this whole thing is a complete non starter. Love should not be such hard work honestly.

Joysmum Mon 06-Jul-15 16:54:56

He clearly doesn't think enough of you to assuage his doubts.

On the contrary to wanting be single, I think he doesn't want to be single but doesn't want to be in a committed relationship.

TokenGinger Mon 06-Jul-15 16:57:13

At 27, I wouldn't be wasting my time with somebody who can't even work out whether he wants to be with me or not, especially when you see kids in your future.

At this point, he should still be in the honeymoon period. I'm 6 months in and this weekend, my partner and I had plans to do separate things on both nights. Both nights, he drunkenly called me at ridiculous hours saying, "Baby, I'm in a taxi, I need to come and hold you whilst you sleep, open the door." - He should be at a point where he just cannot get enough of you right now!

There will be a man who will absolutely sweep you off your feet and will know he wants to be with you from the word go.

Ohfourfoxache Mon 06-Jul-15 17:00:18

Urgh, I'd expect this sort of "I want it/I don't want it" behaviour from a toddler, not a grown man hmm

Leave him to it and find someone who deserves you. He ain't going to change and sure as fuck, even if you did stay together, this isn't a bloke who can be trusted to commit and stay committed.

TokenGinger Mon 06-Jul-15 17:03:38

It sounds like the kind of behaviour of somebody who'll think nothing of dumping his mrs on a Friday night, heading out for the weekend to get his end away wherever he can, then picking back up where he left off on a Sunday night.

ohlamour Mon 06-Jul-15 17:14:28

I split up with my P 4 wks ago after erratic behaviour. He said he 'didnt know what he wanted'. So, despite being really really upset, i left him to think about it. I haven't heard a thing. So he did know what he wanted, he was just too gutless to end it himself...
take the decision & leave him. It WILL feel awful, but long term it is the right thing for you.

magoria Mon 06-Jul-15 17:22:29

It's 6 months. The fun exciting flush of a relationship and he has already pissed you around how many times?

Can you imagine what will happen when you get in a settled relationship and a child comes along and he pisses you around like this?

Cut your losses and move on.

Don't leave the choice to him. Take control and make your own.

You deserve better.

AnyFucker Mon 06-Jul-15 17:28:40

he doesn't really want you but he wants to keep you on the back burner just in case

just in case this other bird he has his eye on doesn't work out

you are a fool if you tolerate this

wafflyversatile Mon 06-Jul-15 17:39:49

you need to watch this ^

LovesYoungDream Mon 06-Jul-15 17:42:40

Bin him. Don't waste any more time on him, especially if you want to get married and have children. As long as you are having sex with him when he wants, he will be unsure about the future. He is using you. Do you really want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with you long term and doesn'the know if he sees a future with you. Sooner or later, he will hurt you and let you down.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Mon 06-Jul-15 19:07:00

Why do you even want him?

Anniegetyourgun Mon 06-Jul-15 19:18:15

Run away, run away. He's an arse. You can bet your bottom dollar that only one of you will be not seeing other people. But even if you were both exclusive, aren't you worth more than occasionally seeing when he's in the mood? You're not a lifestyle accessory.

DrElizabethPlimpton Mon 06-Jul-15 19:18:16

I don't think the decision is his to make. You need to take control and walk away, delete his number and enjoy being 27. This sort of fuckwittery is just not worth the head space.

lavenderhoney Mon 06-Jul-15 19:27:48

He wants you to remain celibate and not date whilst he makes up his mind sometime in the future? What? He is dating someone else or beginning to and isn't quite sure. You're on the sub bench.

The thing to do is not see see or speak to each other for at least six months, date other people and work on your career. Behave as though you are single, because you are! Go out with friends, enjoy life and date someone who doesn't have their head up their arse.

Or wait til you're 35, realise he's a complete fuckwit and then panic.

butterflygirl15 Mon 06-Jul-15 19:32:46

stop waiting for him to decide to want/not want you and decide that you deserve so much better than some paltry crumbs from him. Aren't you worth more than being his plaything when his other bit of skirt bins him off, again....

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