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mental health and family(8 Posts)
So I finally went to the doctors today to get help with my mental health, was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago but wasn't really ready for help, so I refused CBT and hated the meds they put me on.
On the outside I'm confidant and I have a stable life, good job etc. But my head is a mess, it's like I have the TV and the radio on full blast constantly, I can't concentrate, I have horrible nightmares, my mood flips in and out of depression in an instant, I'm anxious and feel constantly stressed. I struggle to feel 'normal' emotions, empathy, guilt etc. My family (DM and DS) have 'diagnosed' me as a narcissist. I was honest with the doctor and answered all her questions as honest as I could, I didn't get a diagnosis
label but I was in such a flap by the time I'd had to talk everything through I pretty much ran out of her surgery without asking. Been put on citalopram and put forward for CBT and I'm being assessed in a month.
I told DM and she just said "oh, you'll have social services knocking on your door then"
I now feel like shit and wish I hadn't bothered going. I just want to be fucking normal.
You are normal - one in four people in this country suffer from mental health problems and that's just the ones who, like you, had the guts to seek help.
But my head is a mess, it's like I have the TV and the radio on full blast constantly, I can't concentrate
Many people will empathise with this; Ruby Wax describes it as 'like if the Devil had Tourette's'. Her book Sane New World, Taming the Mind is worth a read and is a good introduction to Mindfulness which you could do along with CBT.
CBT is not very effective at all for PTSD. There is a new therapy called EMDR which is more effective, but you may struggle to get it on the NHS.
In order to get a diagnosis of anything apart from depression, you would need to be assessed by a psychiatrist, not a GP.
Your DM sounds very unsupportive. Can I ask if your PTSD is due to childhood trauma? If so, you may benefit from reading Alice Miller's books "For Your Own Good" and "The Drama of the Gifted Child".
Social services haven't knocked on my door and you sound just like me. Well done for finding the courage to talk to your GP. You are normal. Just a bit of you needs some care at the moment. Just like a broken leg needs plaster: you need some support to get back to a quieter head. If you would like a chat, like to ask about your tablets or CBT or just have a moan then feel free to message.
Thank you pocketsaviour I will have a look at EMDR, I've not heard of it. Also, how would I go about being assessed by a psychiatrist? Would this be something I could do on the NHS?
The trauma isn't childhood related, however how I was (or wasn't!) brought up affected my teenage years and set off a chain reaction of events. Although 'on paper' they have been great, they have never been emotionally supportive and we have never been close.
Dogs, from personal experience I second EMDR... Was like a silver bullet for me. It can be hard to find, and worse yet, expensive because the NHS mental health services aren't up to the level we'd hope. However, I do believe that NICE have recognised its efficacy so do read up on it and take your findings to your GP. Combat Stress recommend it and they are part funded by the NHS... I tried so many things. CBT doesn't really work when you're in a state of agitation already. EFT I found to be very useful in relaxing me a lot of the time, and in taking the edge off but is hard to learn to do on yourself. Persevere though. Never give up. There is always something else you can do. Be kind to yourself when you feel you can't take another step... PTSD is scary and leaves you desperate. Don't fall prey to desperation.
Ask your GP to refer you to a shrink. That's the only way to get an official diagnosis. Once you have that you can make a plan to fight it. Fighting when you don't know what or why is just devastating.
Good job on seeing your doc. Seriously, that takes guts. It's a huge step, and the next ones will seem huge too, but they're so much easier than that first one in reality.
Sounds like it's your DM and DS who are the narcissists. I think you'd be well advised to limit your contact with them and not tell them anything that leaves you open to these kinds of attacks. (Their "diagnosis" of you is definitely an attack, and I'll bet it's not the first of its kind.)
And the usual advice... Check out the Stately Homes thread.
If people had social wervices knocking on their door every time they were given antidepressants and referred for therapy there would be LOTS more social work jobs available. Ignore your DM with ehr advice and her diagnosis - it's not helpful at all.
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