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Heartbroken

(10 Posts)
sammyjayneex Mon 06-Jul-15 10:06:31

A couple of weeks ago I found a message on my husbands phone by a girl saying 'hi' I asked who she was and he said she's a girl he met on MSN who lives in Spain and the number is Spanish. I left it at that thinking oh it's just me being paranoid. Today something in my gut instinct told me message this girl and she said she works in Manchester but is Spanish and she met my husband 3 months ago and they slept together and he didn't know he was married but then she said ' does he have 4 kids?' Which he does. She said it was he once but I'm in total shock. How can he do this to me. I'm scared he's passed a disease on to me. I'm terrified. We been together 10 years and 4 girls and he's always texted girls flirty messages throughout our marriage but I didn't think he would actually sleep with someone. I have not confronted him yet because he will say she's making it up but she knows a lot about him. What do I do I'm shaking and crying

Glitzygirl79 Mon 06-Jul-15 11:13:34

You need to confront him and let him know you know. You need to find out if it's just the one or if he's been upto to other stuff.

I really feel for you as I had an ex who chested but I had no kids then so I walked. It's difficult when kids are involved but you seriously could do better than to be cheated on xxxx

sammyjayneex Mon 06-Jul-15 11:31:26

I confronted him and he says she had made it all up and she's lying

ivykaty44 Mon 06-Jul-15 11:35:24

What would this girl have to gain by losing

She lives in Manchester....
She slept with your partner

I bet he would say because she fancy's him....

What do you want to do about it? Do you want to still be with him knowing he is sleeping around or would you rather leave him?

sammyjayneex Mon 20-Jul-15 22:43:25

Feel like I'm trapped tbh because he have four children
Feel like whatever I do I'm the one That suffers and that will struggle in life. It's all got too much for me now

goddessofsmallthings Mon 20-Jul-15 23:09:58

I very much doubt she's the first and she won't be the last and you're best advised to get yourself to a GUM clinic asap.

Divorce his philandering arse before he announces he's met the love of his life and leaves you feeling like an utter fool for believing his lies.

To do anything less would be an appalling example for your dds. You may feel as if you're struggling for a while, but that will soon pass and any pain will be far outweighed by the gain of keeping your self-respect intact.

BromleyGal Mon 20-Jul-15 23:18:43

He will say whatever he can to minimise what happened and what he believes he can get away with.

I'm sorry to say that it's unlikely she's the first woman he's cheated on you with. There's likely to be more.

You need to take a long, hard think about what YOU want. For that you will need space away from him.

This will all take time. Remember, there's no rush in any of it. You don't need to LTB now,right this instance. You need time to process what has happened and to slowly come to terms with it all. You then need to figure out what's best for you. Be assured that he will make sure whatever he does is best for him, so don't feel guilty about being selfish.

sammyjayneex Mon 20-Jul-15 23:56:47

Thank you
I went to the GUM clinic 10 days but still they have not contacted me with the results. I am just worried about everything right now. And the practical side of everything whilst he gets away Scott free. I need to find work now before September ( I was a SAHM ) but now I'll need to find a job as I will have no one to support us anymore. I'm worried how I will manage work, children and a home ok my own especially during the 1000 holidays they have a year confused

Dowser Mon 20-Jul-15 23:59:16

So sorry to hear that. It's just horrible.

Look after yourself and your health. If you're worried about finances protect what you can now while you're in this early phase especially with a joint account or mortgage. You don't want him clearing it out.

Janette123 Tue 21-Jul-15 07:49:15

Heartbroken,
I am sorry you are going through this.

You are very sensible to be STD tested. Do not sleep with him again, as it could interfere with the divorce process

See a solicitor and get advice. Take a copy of that 'phone message to show them. If you don't have a personal bank a/c set one up. Your solicitor will advise you about benefits and he is legally obliged to support his own children, so don't worry about that.

Get all your ducks in a row before you confront him, then tell him to sling his sorry @r$e.

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