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Please talk me out of having an emotional affair.

(33 Posts)
LikeIcan Sun 05-Jul-15 23:11:32

Can't be bothered to n/c

Marriage crap most of the time, I know that's no excuse so please talk sense into me.

butterflygirl15 Sun 05-Jul-15 23:17:11

so why not end your marriage instead?

Keepingsecrecy Sun 05-Jul-15 23:17:45

Your marriage is crap?

Well do you want even more crap? Because that is how it will end up. Been there twice and it made things a hundred times worse

My advice is to step away from emotional affair and try to work on your marriage or leave it

LikeIcan Sun 05-Jul-15 23:19:14

Because I can't - son, mortgage, it's not easy to just 'leave'

Keepingsecrecy Sun 05-Jul-15 23:20:47

Ok it is not easy to leave, I get it

Do you want an escape from daily life?

Who is the man? Is it someone you know or someone online?

These things rarely stay emotional, usually end up physical. Mine did

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 05-Jul-15 23:21:41

It will be easier to leave if you do have an emotional affair or whatever it leads to when your DH finds out and kicks you out.

If it's crap most of the time then use your energy to work on that instead of ruining lives in the process and making your life crap all of the time.

LikeIcan Sun 05-Jul-15 23:23:40

He's someone I meet online, nothing seedy just a Facebook group we both belong to. It's our of control already.

Keepingsecrecy Sun 05-Jul-15 23:25:20

Do you want to meet him? Is he nearby location wise?

LikeIcan Sun 05-Jul-15 23:28:10

He's not far so could meet him but I don't want it to get that far, I already feel terrible.

Keepingsecrecy Sun 05-Jul-15 23:30:50

If you carry on, you will end up meeting him, I guarantee you

It starts to feel less terrible the more you get involved

If you want to stop then the only was is to go no contact. It is really hard but better than destroying your life and disrupting your child's life

LikeIcan Sun 05-Jul-15 23:33:07

Thank you keeping - I'll leave the group & get a grip.

Keepingsecrecy Sun 05-Jul-15 23:35:12

You are welcome - post again if you need further help

flowers

LikeIcan Sun 05-Jul-15 23:36:51

Thank you for being so understanding xx

goodcompany2 Sun 05-Jul-15 23:37:16

Picture your son's face when your husband finds out and tells him? You may be taking a path which will damage your relationship with your son. You will be cheating on his father.

Not judging - you asked for something which may help you decide.

Offred Sun 05-Jul-15 23:56:06

Oops!

If you go about getting some help and advice with leaving; CAB, solicitor and counselling perhaps.

Offred Sun 05-Jul-15 23:59:17

The first part was meant to say;

Going NC with OM is a good plan.

Then you need to think about what lead you to an EA.

If it is attraction to the OM then even more important you go NC as relationships that start as affairs always end badly and I think there will be others if this one doesn't work out but you need to end this relationship and properly deal with the end in order to be in a fit state to have another one.

If it is that you want to force the end of your marriage without taking actual control then it would be good if you go about...

MrsV2012 Sun 05-Jul-15 23:59:20

Most people who think the grass is greener on the other side, just need to spend some time watering their own grass.

Make of that what you will..

CantGetYouOutOfMyHead Mon 06-Jul-15 00:00:25

If you want out, don't go out the window. Shut the window. Shut it tight.

Then sit in your (imaginary) sitting room, rub your temples, and think, think, think hard about what you want. If you decide to walk, walk out the front door.

LondonRocks Mon 06-Jul-15 00:05:03

Imagine the worst case scenario.

Will you cope?

LikeIcan Mon 06-Jul-15 00:41:54

Thank you all so much for not giving me a hard time - I love dh I'm just a bit lost & lonely.

Thank you again x

Offred Mon 06-Jul-15 00:50:07

What's making you feel lost and lonely?

LikeIcan Mon 06-Jul-15 00:55:25

Dh isn't particularly supportive & a million other reasons - the EA is escapism & makes me feel happy.
But I know it's wrong.

Offred Mon 06-Jul-15 01:02:11

Do you think it might help to talk about this stuff on here and in RL?

When you say he isn't particularly supportive and a million other things - what kind of stuff do you mean?

Offred Mon 06-Jul-15 01:03:51

Cos if the EA is escapism that's usually because your marriage is making you feel worn down and powerless.

The EA could just be a maladaptive coping mechanism. What is likely to ultimately help is facing up to what's making you feel that way.

LikeIcan Mon 06-Jul-15 01:11:33

You're absolutely right - it's a coping mechanism, I know that now.

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