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Going on a date somewhere too fancy?

(29 Posts)
itaintmebabe Sun 05-Jul-15 21:36:56

I met a man online, met up with him for the first time two weeks ago for a coffee. He asked me if I wanted to see him again and I agreed.

He's good looking and very nice. I'm not quite sure whether I fancy him yet though.

Anyway, since we met he's been planning where to take me next time. He's built up a lot of excitement by texting me about what he's thinking pretty much every day.

He told me today what he's decided on and it's a super fancy champagne bar in the city. I had a look on their website and drinks cost an arm and a leg.

It's way too posh for me, and if he wants to go Dutch, which is something I normally insist on, I probably couldn't afford it.

It's making me feel super uncomfortable. Do you think I should cancel the date or insist on going somewhere else?

itaintmebabe Sun 05-Jul-15 21:39:18

I'm being silly, aren't I?

When he was making plans I told him I really didn't want to go out for dinner. Just drinks. I was hoping that would make him understand I wanted something a bit more casual!

officeworker Sun 05-Jul-15 21:41:57

I think because he's decided on it, he most likely expects to pay himself for the drinks.

Bless him, I genuinely think he's mega excited and just trying to impress you! But if you feel uncomfortable the only thing you can do is to tell him, or stay for a couple and suggest moving onto somewhere with a bit more music (these places always tend to play rubbish music!)

grumpasaur Sun 05-Jul-15 21:42:48

I would just let him know it's a bit out of your budget, and offer something similar but not quite as posh. Gordon's wine bar in the city is nice.

itaintmebabe Sun 05-Jul-15 21:44:52

Yes, I might suggest something else then.

It's also that if he does spend a fortune on taking me out, I'd feel really bad if I decide I don't want to see him again.

itaintmebabe Sun 05-Jul-15 21:47:16

Just looked at Gordon's, looking really nice and prices are far more reasonable! Thanks!

Thisismyfirsttime Sun 05-Jul-15 21:53:16

Ooh, which one did he suggest? (Nosey!)

itaintmebabe Sun 05-Jul-15 21:59:05

Vertigo 42.

Might not be pricey by London standards but I'm not from London! Haha.

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl Sun 05-Jul-15 22:53:00

Why don't you cook for him instead and invite him around, get a nice bottle of wine and snuggle up with a movie or is that too pipe and slippers
I'm lucky my dp insists the women does not pay for anything. Some women would be against that but if he wants to lavish me, I'm not moaninggrin

Only1scoop Sun 05-Jul-15 22:59:03

Cook for him and invite him around?

She's only just met him online.

He's invited you out Op and has picked the venue go with the flow and enjoy.

Libbity Sun 05-Jul-15 23:00:08

I wouldn't cook for him at this stage. Go out and enjoy the date he's plans - relax; enjoy; don't take it too seriously.

pocketsaviour Sun 05-Jul-15 23:02:31

I would text him something like "Wow, that bar looks nice but a bit out of my price range I'm afraid!"

If he texts back "Don't worry, it's my treat", then just go and enjoy.

grumpasaur Sun 05-Jul-15 23:04:34

If you do suggest Gordon's Wine Bar, enjoy! It's lovely there. I have been to Vertigo 42 and it's stuffy.

grumpasaur Sun 05-Jul-15 23:05:17

Also NO WAY to cooking and film!! Too unsafe and waaay too soon to jump into slippers!

mrsdavidbowie Sun 05-Jul-15 23:08:25

Cooking and film?
Sod that.
Get out and drink champagne

bberry Sun 05-Jul-15 23:14:43

Ahhhhh..... He's obviously trying to impress so let him!

It's a fabulous venue if the weather is good, I took my oh there when we early dated and it was thick fog... Not so good!

You only have the table for a short while usually....

itaintmebabe Mon 06-Jul-15 08:17:39

No, I definitely think it's too early for dinner at mine....I don't really know him yet!

I'm still in two minds. On one hand it would be nice to just go with it....on the other I might just sit there feeling uncomfortable. Aargh.

ElectraCute Mon 06-Jul-15 08:25:25

Go to Gordon's. You will end up snogging in one of the dark corners by the end of the night though or is that just me?


Howsithanging Mon 06-Jul-15 09:14:06

Oh god, cook for him! It would be months before I would be prepared to do that. I would go along and enjoy it if I were you but if it's really out of your comfort zone, just suggest somewhere else.

Joysmum Mon 06-Jul-15 09:14:41

Personally I'd be a fish out of water somewhere like that.

Surely going on dates should be to get to know one another which you can't do if you can't be yourself.

I'd nip it in the bud as I'm not impressed by places like that and I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression of myself.

Thenapoleonofcrime Mon 06-Jul-15 09:50:25

I think this is absolutely fine as a suggestion, he's trying to impress you and that's kind of sweet. My now husband took me to a classical music concert on our second date, we haven't been to one now for years! It must have cost him quite a bit but that was up to him.

I would go for one drink, you don't need to be ridiculous about insisting on paying this time, he's invited you, next time you can invite him to Gordons or whatever.

I think if you meet someone, you think you might like them, and they might like you, you should show up and not over-angst about it. Go with the flow. If you start texting things like 'ooh, it's a bit expensive' 'I can' only go for one drink' and generally making it difficult, it just sucks the romance out of it.

As for 'being yourself', heck, it's a second date. You might end up laughing together about how it's not really your kind of place together. It doesn't set the tone for the entire relationship! (if you want one)

CheersMedea Mon 06-Jul-15 13:16:16

if he wants to go Dutch, which is something I normally insist on, I probably couldn't afford it.

Why would you "insist" on that on a first date?!? Part of the fun of dating is a guy taking care of you.

Vertigo 42 is a cool bar. It's standard cocktail type prices for a London cocktail bar. I guess for some people that would be expensive though. The views are amazing - the walls are basically sheets of glass. If you suffer from vertigo, you won't like it there!! It's lovely and a great choice for a first date.

If I weren't married, I'd offer to go in your place!!

Only1scoop Mon 06-Jul-15 14:19:52

Agree with Cheers

Blimey stop dissecting it and enjoy it.

So what if he's trying to impress you....I should jolly well hope he is.

Enjoy it smile

HawthornLantern Mon 06-Jul-15 14:53:30

I'm not hugely glamorous and sophisticated but I've been to Vertigo 42 a couple of times and loved it. Fantastic views and staff were always very friendly and welcoming. DP and I took his daughter (she was about 22ish at the time I think) and she enjoyed herself immensely. I do get that the dynamic is a little different as you are meeting up for a date and not being treated by friends/family, but I'd let him treat you and if you want to reciprocate in some way, why not follow up with dinner somewhere less glossy - I've combined Vertigo with Wagamama (which is at the bottom of the building) which was good fun, for example.

itaintmebabe Thu 09-Jul-15 13:08:36

I met him last night.

Luckily (I suppose) I couldn't get anywhere near that bar due to the tube strike so he came closer to where I was and we met at a bar where I felt very comfortable. :-)

Very very nice guy too so all good. smile

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