He's an ex from about 5 years before we met. They had a great thing to start with but it went wrong that is all I know. It was just chat in the past but has become full on recently. She left her messages open in the pc and he's sent explicit shots with her permission. Fantasy stuff too as well as reliving previous sex life. I don't know what else has been going on I'm heartbroken
Don't give her any satisfaction of opening up the can of worms that is why you have seen her treachery, just tell her that it's over, that you are ending the relationship and that she has full space to move on, or backwards to wherever she wants.
It's so hard when there's kids involved, are they little? For me I would have to go, and I did with my ex I found out and 6 hours later I was gone! She's completely taking the piss love, sorry this has happened to you it's truly awful x
What do you actually WANT to do OP? Is the trust gone forever or do you think you can get past this if you can understand why she has done it etc. It would be a deal breaker for me as it is not only cheating but underhand and hidden cheating (or an attempt at it) but are there extenuating circumstances ? You must do what you want. Do't be manipulated by her minimising her actions and not taking responsibility for her bad behaviour. Get some RL support from family or friend.
I also think you have to break up but disagree about the kids staying with you.
Kids will never thank you for being used as a pawn in a war between their parents.
If she is currently the main carer then things should stay that way, you should split up and work towards a shared parenting arrangement. Keep the children's lives stable and do not alienate her from her children just because she is a bad wife.
If this is the first time you have experienced anything like this, I would recommend you spend some time and read the various threads on here (including) Wife's cheating - please help and the various posts by Tom Husband's affair
Reading these posts you will get an understanding of the "cheaters script" that will follow, once you confront your Wife. (she didn't mean it, nothing happened etc).
Also these posts contain a wealth of good advice (including books to read) on how to deal with an affair (sexual and/or emotional).
These will help you formulate your actions. Good Luck
Sorry but I think that is terrible advice hissy and untrue. People often tell people who have been cheated on that they need time away from their partner to think yes.
I completely disagree that if someone cheats they should have their children removed from their care to "show them what they have done". That's despicable and abusive behaviour.
The children's stability is always the priority no matter what is going on in the relationship between the adults.
The adults may need space from each other to think so that should be worked out in such a way as to minimise the effect on the DC and then a more permanent arrangement would have to be agreed, again with the children's needs in mind, as decisions were made about the adult relationship.
Who leaves and where they go depends on what is best for the family as a whole.
You simply cannot have a blanket 'you cheated now you don't get to see the DC for awhile while I think what to do' response whether the cheater is make or female. I'd never have done that when XP cheated. Never.
It's what my xh is subjecting me to now - trying to restrict my contact as punishment for leaving him (not cheating) and it's having a horrible effect on the DC.
Wrote a post explaining better what I meant as it's been misinterpreted,but it got lost. It does not matter, the only people that are of any importance here are the op and the children, the w chose to cheat, she has to be the one to realise what her actions can cause and take responsibility for it.
Not just friends by Shirley glass is a good book to help couples work through infidelity, but only when the cheat accepts and understands what they've risked.