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Does your relationship ever recover from having children?

(10 Posts)
xxx28xxx Sun 05-Jul-15 16:03:41

Just that really sad

Currently pregnant with baby no. 2 (unplanned but much wanted) and I just feel like all we do is argue, it's really hard going.

We were like this when ds was born but once he got to 8/9 months our relationship seemed to heal. We started to enjoy each other's company again, started having more regular sex and I started to feel better in myself as the baby weight was gone and we were all getting more sleep...

Fast forward a few months a surprise baby no.2 is on the way which has taken a lot of getting used to. We always wanted two children but I think ideally we would have had more of a gap, partly to recover from ds shocking sleep and also to help my mental health and our relationship recover.

Anyway we are now in a good place regarding baby no.2, well I am, but maybe he isn't? He just seems to snap over the smallest things and it's always over something so trivial!

We had a massive chat earlier in the week because I had a massive break down telling him I couldn't cope with feeling like his cook, cleaner and child minder and nothing else. I work pt yet do all the cooking, cleaning etc. he is v hands on with ds he says but then again so am I and I feel he should be hands on seeing as he is as much his child as mine.

Anyway I just feel really sad right now and am genuinely scared our marriage may not last, especially with the pressure of two. Can anyone offer any advice or suggestions on how to make things better?

I've been trying so hard since our talk not to snap, to be nicer etc but it's hard when he starts screaming and swearing at me over a bloody book which has been knocked over!! Apparently it's a collectible - think £25 book off Amazon hmm

schlong Sun 05-Jul-15 17:00:18

It gets worse darling!flowers. We're at perma boiling point since birth of dc2 7 months ago. But both maintain a sense of humor if you can. Don't let your dh be a wanker to you in pregnancy though. Sounds like he's mistreating you.

museumum Sun 05-Jul-15 17:04:57

We were fine with our ds but we're very short with each other around moving house. DH is not good with the uncertainty aspects of change. He's so stressed about change but it manifests in the little things.
I guess a surprise second child might have had the same result.

Once we were moved things got back to normal. I wonder if things will be better for you when the baby's here and it's reality not uncertainty?

Rebecca2014 Sun 05-Jul-15 17:20:08

Is him screaming/swearing a common occurrence now?

HermioneWeasley Sun 05-Jul-15 17:22:26

We were very irritable and grumpy with each other when the DCs were little, and sex life was non existent. It's much better now, but we were never screaming and swearing at each other.

xxx28xxx Sun 05-Jul-15 17:23:47

Urgh I'm really hoping things don't get worse, I'm not meaning screaming or swearing wise, just the drifting apart. It's horrible as I can see if happening but don't know how to stop it.

To be fair we both lose our tempers with each other at times, saying horrible things to each other so in that respect we are as bad as each other.

But I don't want to be like that so I'm actively trying not to react or be mean whereas he still completely over reacts! I think it's the pressure and worry of what's to come but I don't think it's fair him taking it out on me...

It's a stressful time for us all, not just him sad

QuiteLikely5 Sun 05-Jul-15 17:27:45

In my experience baby number 2 creates more pressure than number 1 but in different ways.

It's possible you are both arguing due to sleep deprivation. It's effects are a shocker. It does take a relationship a while to get back on its feet after a baby comes on the scene.

Partnership is the most important thing here. Helping each other out. Sadly it's usually the man who doesn't see his role as to help in the house etc.

All I can say is tell your dp that you both need to try hard for these little people you have made and brought into the world.

tumbletumble Sun 05-Jul-15 17:28:38

I know what you mean about the 'hands on' thing. Of course he should be hands on, it's his child too, why do some blokes think they deserve a medal for changing a nappy or giving a bath?!

To answer your question, DH and I definitely went through a tough time when the DC were little (we had 3 under 4) - not communicating well, no quality time, infrequent sex etc but it has been much better since the youngest was 3.

wallaby73 Sun 05-Jul-15 19:43:13

Screaming and swearing? Do you mean literally? That's just not healthy if so.....

pallasathena Mon 06-Jul-15 19:10:35

Don't try and be nice. Try being assertive, establishing boundaries and make it perfectly clear that you don't take any crap from him or from anyone.

He doesn't deserve you. I'd tell him that if I were you.

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