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Very confused about myself and sexuality

(1 Post)
capitalttrouble01 Sun 05-Jul-15 10:24:58

I was just wondering if this thread is still active? I'm completely confused and could do with some advice I'm in a very similar situation as the OP. I'm married to a great guy, we have 3 small children and he is a wonderful father. I love him, he is genuine and kind BUT I feel like I love him as a friend We have been together for nearly 17 years and over time I feel like the 'us' part of the relationship has just fizzled out. Our children are 3 under the age of 6 so obviously our life is just one long parenting haul.

Last year I returned to work after a 5 year break and sparked up a friendship with a girl there, who happens to be gay. She is in a happy relationship, which I guess so am I on the face of it. Only thing is I've started to have quite strong feelings towards her. Both emotionally and physically. This has come as a complete surprise to me as I would have always described myself as straight, although I have long believed that sexuality can often be a blurred line and there are some grey areas (although I have never applied that to myself until recently.)

There is some definite chemistry there and we talk ALOT both at work and outside of it. We text each other most nights and have both opened up about personal things that we have never done with other people. She is currently away on holiday and has text me saying she is missing me, and tbh I'm really missing her.

I know I'm on weird/dangerous territory although I will of course remain faithful, that's not in question for me but it's the feelings this has all caused that has got me completely confused. I don't fancy women in general I don't think, although I'm the first to say I think the female body is absolutely beautiful. But I do fancy my friend, I even get butterflies in my stomach sometimes when I'm around her.

Am I gay? Bi? What? How the hell has this never been on my radar before??

Also I've always felt a bit uncomfortable during sex and as such our sex life has completely dwindled to nothing. I've no sex drive at all and have often felt like it's something I have to endure rather than something to enjoy.

I do still fancy men in general and now find myself looking at women and thinking, do I fancy them?!

In all honesty I feel so confused and alone now. I can't discuss this with anyone as I know all it will do is hurt people but I suddenly feel like I'm denying my true self and I feel so, so down about it.

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