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Are there any good ones left when you're over 45?

(100 Posts)
grassneedscutting Sun 05-Jul-15 09:47:55

Seriously, are there any decent men out there? And where are they?
In a relationship of sorts, 2 years in, and he's selfish, doesn't show affection, sex is a rare treat, he drinks too much and generally doesn't show that he cares.
He can be good company though, makes me laugh, does practical things for me and the good usually outweighs the bad
Don't have a problem being on my own, but enjoy having someone in my life.
Just wondering if I find the strength to walk away will I ever find anyone else?
Am I setting my sights to high? I know Mr Perfect doesn't exist, but I want a warm, loving relationship with someone, is that obtainable when 50 is looming ever closer?

itwillgetbettersoon Sun 05-Jul-15 09:52:50

I have no idea! I'm 50 and have not met any decent single men over 45 :-)

Feelingworriednow Sun 05-Jul-15 09:58:47

Sorry, but I think the good available ones are few and far between by that age. I have been single for 12 years now and not met one I would give a second glance at. Depressing but much better than being with someone like my exDH, at least this way I have choices.

Sickoffrozen Sun 05-Jul-15 09:59:42

I find men at their best very much pre 45.

At that age plus, the ones who are available tend to be available for a reason with the odd exception. It's finding those exceptions that is the hard bit!

ArthurMcAffertyhastwocats Sun 05-Jul-15 10:07:50

Well, my DP is 53 (I'm not - quite - 45). We met two years ago. He's pretty good; interesting, thoughtful, good in bed, solvent, independent, good with my DCs.
He is extremely self-sufficient, and very much a man of fixed preferences, which I think it largely a product of having been mostly single for the last ten years or so. And I can see how that might have caused problems in past relationships and does cause the occasional blip in ours. But the good most definitely outweighs the bad!

WinnieTheWilt Sun 05-Jul-15 10:19:39


Dowser Sun 05-Jul-15 10:20:53

I've met a good man. He was 55 when we met.

He has his little quirks as I probably do but he's a good man . For eg we sat out late last night talking to friends and it was definitely getting chilly and he came out with a hot water bottle and a cup of tea.

He treats me like a queen and I'm very lucky.

He's going to get a nice cuddle in a minute a gesture of my appreciation.

Dowser Sun 05-Jul-15 10:22:44

He even sat with me through Magic Mike and the luscious Channing Tatum and the other one Joe Mangiello I think.

Devotion indeed!

teatrailer Sun 05-Jul-15 10:23:26

Hen's teeth springs to mind.

Joysmum Sun 05-Jul-15 10:23:53

Yes there are relations don't always fail because the blokes are shit!

Blokes can be good but be shit upon or they can be good but haven't met the right person to settle with.

Of course the odds are shorter though.

teatrailer Sun 05-Jul-15 10:25:41

Dowser got the last one.

AccordingToOurRecords Sun 05-Jul-15 10:27:31

Sadly not anymore, cause I found him and I'm keeping him forever��.

Shey04 Sun 05-Jul-15 10:27:40

I'm starting to wonder myself. I think men of a certain age and station in life, have other priorities and I think some have forgotten the art of love and putting someone else first which perhaps would have come easier earlier on in life. Perhaps it's us as women that make it worse by making allowances and going the extra mile to bridge the gaps that would be there if we left our relationship development to the men.

grassneedscutting Sun 05-Jul-15 10:28:12

Thank you, all of you. I think I need a chat with my OH before the rot sets in and the bad overtakes the good.
It seems easy for apathy to set it and let things slide.
All the LTB threads I read make it sound so easy just to throw the towel it and it's not - it's hard when you get older.
You have all really made me focus on what is achievable as opposed to some ideological fantasy of what a relationship could be, just what I needed
flowers to you all x

Dowser Sun 05-Jul-15 10:29:26

tea trailer

Dowser got the last one.

Laughed so much in early spat my tea all over my iPad

Omg! I need new eyesight. That Joe Maganiello is only a year older than my daughter.

I thought he looked great for fifty!

He still looks great though.!

Oh is doing his muscle man exercises as we speak!

FolkGirl Sun 05-Jul-15 10:33:05

I've not met any of the good ones!

Or certainly none of the good ones have ever wanted me.

I'm 40 now and I can't see it ever changing tbh.

I don't have ridiculously high expectations. All I want is someone kind, thoughtful, honest, open and faithful who cherishes me and who hasn't 'liked' the FB pages of 'adult entertainers'/camgirls. I've even given up on the idea of being loved!

Dowser Sun 05-Jul-15 10:34:21

Dowser got the last one.

Yes he was sitting all alone and neglected on the bargain basement shelf, looking a bit dusty, careworn, and unloved while all the newer models looked all buffed up and shining with all the latest bells and whistles.

He's polished up lovely though ;-)

teatrailer Sun 05-Jul-15 10:37:22

Dowser you've obviously got an eye for a bargain.

loveareadingthanks Sun 05-Jul-15 10:43:12

I know some lovely men of this age.

DP is 54, I am just about to turn 50, we met 2 years ago and he is affectionate, thoughtful, does loads more housework than me, fun to be with, easy going, supportive when things are tough. He's not perfect - he has his faults - but don't we all.

I don't think behaving knobbishly is related to age.

Crosbybeach Sun 05-Jul-15 10:47:26

Yes but they'll have baggage, ie kids and exes etc. and if they don't have baggage that's probably more of a problem.

There's a lot of give and take involved. And we all get a bit stuck in our ways as we get older, someone who shakes that up a bit can be good.

But, equally I don't think you should feel you need to 'settle', if it isn't right maybe you'd be better off, I don't know, getting a dog for some company?

My brother is over 50, widowed, and is now with someone else. They are now doing stuff he never did with his first wife, like pubs, concerts, gigs, travelling and he's having a, slightly bewildered, ball.

Dowser Sun 05-Jul-15 11:49:49

Mine doesn't have kids but is happy to play gramps to mine in short bursts ie for a couple of days.

No exes either. He's a widower

Well done you're brother. Sounds like he's having a ball. Just like we are.

UncertainSmile Sun 05-Jul-15 11:57:18

There's as many good men over 45 as good women. Sure, everyone has a certain amount of baggage at that age, but that's just life.

Handywoman Sun 05-Jul-15 12:29:08

I got lucky with OLD, mine is slim, fit, kind, thoughtful, respectful, solvent, interested in life, has hobbies, books trips away for us at every single opportunity (even when the arrangements can get complicated - he sees how it can work) has a great career and is wonderful in bed!

Due to the baggage factor (his daughter, who he dotes on overly so I keep my distance and keep our kids separate), I won't be moving in.
But life ain't perfect, is it. He makes me happy, and I'm not letting him get away!

GatoradeMeBitch Sun 05-Jul-15 13:07:49

There's as many good men over 45 as good women. Sure, everyone has a certain amount of baggage at that age, but that's just life

In reality though, do we see that? Because I can think of several single woman that age who are capable, attractive, intelligent, fun to be with, charming. Usually their husbands ran off because they felt entitled to look at younger perkier tits!

The equivalent single men seem to have all kinds of issues (and often very little baggage from the past unless we count bitterness and resentment, and well ingrained prejudices). I suppose widowers would be the exception. But in our society a man can offer very little and get snapped up. An acquaintance of mine recently married a man in his 50s who sat in front of the registrant farting. Almost every minute we saw the back view of him lifting an arse cheek to the side. He spent the wedding breakfast talking loudly about himself and cutting people off if they attempted any other subject. She's just happy she found someone... I'd be interested in viewing a dating event for singles over 40, I think I can guess what that would look like.

brokenhearted55a Sun 05-Jul-15 13:18:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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