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I feel so low

(18 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

MrsSheldonCooper2311 Sat 04-Jul-15 20:26:13

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this but I think I just needed to let out how I'm feeling.

I'm currently pregnant with my second child - unplanned. 'D'H and I have very recently decided that it's time to call time on our marriage as it's absolutely not working.

We are still living in the same house as there is a while left on our tenancy and it's giving us both chance to find suitable alternative accommodation as well as being financially beneficial to both of us at the moment, but we are sleeping in separate bedrooms and aren't spending any time together apart from what is necessary to make it all as easy as possible on DS.

H has decided to tell me when I finished work this afternoon that he's going out tonight. Fair enough, as that is not really any of my business any more. But he dropped into conversation a bit later that he'll not be coming home this evening. He wouldn't tell me where he was staying/who with. Obviously I suspect it's another woman, otherwise he'd have no reason not to just say "I'm staying at John's house".

I understand that he will eventually move on and find someone else but I would have thought he'd have the decency to at least wait till we were living apart/I wasn't still pregnant with his child, etc. Or maybe I am being ridiculous and I should leave him to it.

I feel so alone. I have no real friends I can speak to as I lost touch with everyone I was close to thanks to an ex. I've since struggled to make friends with anyone new. I just feel at such a loss.

This isn't how I planned my life or my children's lives. I'm such a failure. I wish I could change everything for the sake of my babies but I know I can't. I'm useless.

2little2late2change4now Sat 04-Jul-15 20:52:44

I couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

My ex also left me, I'm 28 weeks pregnant with our planned second child, he is with someone else and has ceased all contact.

My only advice would be to distance yourself, physically and mentally. Focus on you and ds and your baby and do whatever is best for you. Pretext yourself financially and emotionally. I know that if he is with another woman it will hurt terribly but try to remember that you can only be responsible for your behaviour and the decisions you make.

Feel free to pm message me.

Hugs xx

coneywonder Sat 04-Jul-15 23:02:24

I ddint want to read and run either. Please don't feel like a failure you will be better a better mum for being out of a relationship that makes you miserable.

It would break my heart if the father of my children told me they were staying out for the night if we had recently broken up let alone if I was pregnant with his child. This is a shitty situation and it will get better. Is there anywhere else you can stay or can you arrange somewhere to live sooner rather than later or is that not what you want?

Where abouts in the UK are you?

MrsSheldonCooper2311 Sun 05-Jul-15 07:21:34

2little that's I'm sorry to hear what you're going through with your ex. Is so hard isn't it?

I've decided I'm going to speak to the council on Monday and see if there's anything they can do with regards to getting me and DS somewhere to live and quickly. If I privately rent, which I was hoping to do, it could potentially take months to find somewhere. As he repeatedly asked me to leave (or more accurately to "fuck off") yesterday I think that technically makes me and my son homeless?

coney I'm in the north east. There's no one I can stay with, my mum is local but she doesn't have the space, the rest of my family live quite a distance away.

He decided to come home at 5:30am. I think I'm more offended by this than if he'd just not bothered to come home at all, because he woke me up after I'd finally managed to get cool and comfortable enough to sleep at 2:30!

I've also seen a load of photos on Facebook of him with his arm round a woman and her face snuggled into his neck. He'll claim this is innocent if I ask him and that they're 'just friends' but in 6 years I've never met this particular 'friend' so I don't think they're good enough friends to be behaving like that!

He was also supposed to be at work today at 8am. Can't see that happening now!

coneywonder Sun 05-Jul-15 09:12:57

Wow. I don't know what to say. Why is being so nasty? Is there a reason you think privately renting will take so long? In my experience it's taken 2 weeks from saying ill have a place to moving in. I suppose that differs from region to region.

I feel really angry for you and I wish I could do something to help x

contractor6 Sun 05-Jul-15 10:48:23

Omg, so sorry to read this, you are much better off without him, but it must be hurting like hell, why on earth he cant be a little more discreet!!! Also does this woman know you are at home pregnant looking after DS. Hopefully you can move out soon and move on with life. flowers

weelamb123 Sun 05-Jul-15 11:13:15

Just wanted to post and offer some support. U must be heartbroken, I am so sorry. What is it with all these fucking men that are complete arseholes. Ur better off on ur own, u cant see it now but u will in time. Good luck with the rest of ur pregnancy xxxx

Cheshirehello79 Sun 05-Jul-15 11:58:35

Deto couldn't read and run neither and you've got full mumsnet friends support feel free message me if you just feel like talking.

I went through divorce 2 years ago and I know how it feels when your ex moves on while you're still grieving and in your case pregnant - thank god in my circumstance there was no children. Him saying he's going out and staying out, it could be anything. Don't stress out over it - I know easy said then done!

If I were you I would focus on your babies and start thinking of life without him. His loss - one thing though do try and sort out with him how you are going to co- parent your children/ how his going to support you financially ( kid etc... So that you're clear on that subject.

I would also speak to him and just highlight few house rules in case he does meet someone and want yo introduce your children to them ( bet that's the hard bit)

Try focus in getting yourself financially secure/ descent home for your children and look after yourself.

It's hard to start with but you'll get over it or things might turn between you two ( don't know your circs) and you might want to still be together and sort out your differences.

It's life and anything can happen.

Good luck and if you feel really low don't hesitate yo speak to your midwife as well - they can refer you to different agencies for support x

MrsSheldonCooper2311 Sun 05-Jul-15 12:00:02

Thank you for the lovely messages.

contractor I'm assuming she does as there were about 12 other people on the night out with them who all know, so even if he'd not told her directly I imagine she'd have heard it on the grapevine. I'm also a bit miffed at the fact his mates have obviously not said anything about this inappropriate behaviour. I obviously expect no loyalty from them as they're his friends, not mine, but I'd have liked to have thought that after 6 years they might have taken enough of a liking to me, or even just had a high enough moral ground, to have said to him to go easy flaunting this around while the situation is the way it is. But no, it's them posting the photos all over the Internet, leaving me looking/feeling like a complete and utter mug!

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised tho, when they heard him swearing at me in public a few weeks ago, their reaction to me walking away was "well...she over-reacted"!

Cheshirehello79 Sun 05-Jul-15 12:04:43

Mrs Sheldon - another crucial advice... Delete him off your face book as it will drive you nuts or if you can stay away without looking at his profile ( takes a lot of will power) do that.

I deleted my Facebook account imminently and yo date I'm not on any social media cause that drove me insane seeing him having a ball whilst I cried every night.

coneywonder Sun 05-Jul-15 12:06:32

Why are people such massive nobs!!??

You are the bigger and better person here just remember that x

Eminado Sun 05-Jul-15 12:26:41

I also agree with the advice to block the Fbook access. There really is no need to torment yourself.

If its any consolation - there is no grey area here, he is being a total and utter shit. So you can at least be 100% sure with no regrets that you have done the right thing in ending it.

Oh also i cant help but thinking that if he ended up coming home after all perhaps he had slightly overestimated his powers of attractiveness smile

IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 05-Jul-15 15:12:45

Afternoon, folks! The OP has asked us to move this thread over to Relationships, so we will be doing that shortly.

poisonusnorks Sun 05-Jul-15 17:02:51

I am so sorry for you flower,even with the supposed burden of 2 children.
Life will get better,hard to see that now when it is all so tender.
You are not useless,chin up and move onto the next chapter of your life.
The future is unwritten.bless you

goddessofsmallthings Sun 05-Jul-15 17:17:06

I agree with Eminado and suspect he also overrated his ability to perform satisfactorily which is why he was kicked out in the early hours.

The word 'useless' is one that should only be applied to your stbxh in conjunction with 'tosser' as an accurate description of his capabilities as a husband and father

You will be well rid of this manchild and his equally useless mates, honey, and the sooner the better.

MrsSheldonCooper2311 Sun 05-Jul-15 18:36:47

Eminado that did make me smile, thank you.

And thank you to everyone else for their kind words.

It would appear that he spent his evening snorting cocain, which explains a lot. I suspect this as he's not eaten anything all day and slept for most of the afternoon, he's just tried to eat some pizza and immediately thrown it up complaining that it 'tastes funny'...It doesn't! I told him it tastes fine and apparently I'm making 'shitty comments'. hmm

I can't wait to get under way with moving out tomorrow! I know I should have done it years ago, but I've been such a coward. I just hope I haven't damaged my son too much already by him having to go through what he has lately.

RubbishMantra Sun 05-Jul-15 19:11:03

I'm speechless. What a cruel and nasty self obsessed "man". sad angry

You will feel so much better once you're out of this hellish situation. Would Women's Aid be able to advise in this situation, (drugs, emotional abuse etc.)?

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Eminado Sun 05-Jul-15 21:55:52

Glad you cracked a smile OP. Next time he is being a dick just think
"Failure to Launch"

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