Hi everyone! I'm new to mumsnet but have always valued the time and advice of the members who go out of their way to help. Here's my issue...
This morning, I received a text message from my father. As it was the weekend, I thought it would be the usual 'Do you want to come up for Sunday dinner tomorrow?'. Unfortunately, the text message wasn't meant for me and I can't bring myself to type out the contents, but it was along the lines of something I would imagine pornstars say to one another.
I felt sick and upset. Currently, my parents are not talking, and they're relationship has been on the rocks for many years. From as young as I can remember, they spend half the year happy and half the year at each others throats (and sometimes my father moves out, then comes back after seemingly 'sorting things out' with my mother). I know that both my parents are unhappy, but I never imagined any one of them would go and have an affair.
I rang my dad straight away and asked him about it. He denied any knowledge of the message and didn't know what I was on about. I forwarded it back to him, and he appeared disgusted by the content. What was worse was that the text-style of his response was consistent with the that of the dirty message (typos, accents on certain letters etc).
I asked him to come to my place for a chat as I felt upset and uncomfortable with the situation. I asked him over and over again whether he was having an affair, and he denied it each time. He even joked around (a slight smile and gave a light pally punch on my arm as if implying 'don't be silly'). He kept saying he will not admit to something that isn't true, with a serious face and looked me in the eyes. He admitted being unhappy in the marriage, but asked why I thought he would seek an affair after 30 years of being with my mother.
He later explained that he's been receiving strange text messages since replacing his phone, and that he's been in touch with the operator to get it stopped. His phone is PAYG so can't imagine that someone could hack into his phone to wrack up bills. Also, there's a difference between receiving and sending messages.
I don't know what to believe. Under any other circumstances I would have probably believed him, but unfortunately I have seen the message. I don't want my mother to be made a fool of, but my father is adamant he's not done anything. I don't know what to do for the best. There is no right or wrong answer, and I understand there will be repercussions no matter what I decide to do.
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Relationships
I think my father is having an affair
nosirrah8778 · 04/07/2015 14:51
I guess so GatoradeMeBitch. It makes me feel ill at the thought of that type of language ever coming out of my father's mouth. And you're right - I have no definitive proof that he's having an affair, just a text message that he may or may not have sent. My gut tells me that he did send the message as there are too many similarities between his texting style and this message.
My mother just called and picked up on me being slightly off. I just said I was busy applying for jobs. I can't bare the thought of hurting any of them 
.
As the child of a repeat philanderer, who was a pathological sneak, I say "tell your mother." Sorry, other posters! But my father moved out, moved back in, finally admitted it when my mother couldn't find him in a crisis...She had to call his secretary to locate her own NSDH. My mother wishes she had known earlier and LTB years beforehand!!! Your dad is lying to your face. Punching your arm, all pallsy-wallsy?? Give me a break! His "slight smile" sounds like a "tell" in poker; players (and adulterers) often try to control their facial expressions but the truth "leaks" out. He got caught. He's embarrassed. If he can convince you you're wrong, he'll get to keep on with OW. Infidelity affects everyone in a family; lies affect everyone. You do NOT have to cover for him! 
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OP, if your DH accidentally sent such a message to your mother, would you want and expect her to tell you? If the answer is yes then surely you owe her the same?
But it isn't the same. DH has no relationship with mother except via marriage to her child - loyalties are clear. In addition, the mother has seen the relationship from inception and probably has a very good idea of what view her child has of it, what she expects and is willing to tolerate. A child is inevitably not going to be privy to half of that.
Best friends with both of a couple is closer - but even then, there's a different relationship with parents and child (and even then, you have to choose who you side with, and may well lose one).
OP I have no idea whether you should say anything. I will say that cheaters often have unhappy primary relationships because at a subliminal level the injured party knows something is very wrong. What I am trying to say is, don't assume he's cheating because they are unhappy. They may be unhappy because he cheats. He was certainly capable of looking his own child in the eye and lying, after all.
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