I'm curious/puzzled and would be interested in your thoughts. I appreciate that it is a complicated scenario.
My dad has worked away for many years for half the week, but over the last five years or so I have been growingly aware that he was no longer going to work but was still away half the week. His lies became more shallow and the company he was 'working for' closed down. I finally got to the the point that I couldn't stand it any longer and declined the xmas present he gave because I couldn't bear the secrets any longer. We then met to talk and he said 'what do you want to know?'. I said I suspected he lived with someone else half the week and my sister had guessed who it might be. This was accurate and he admitted it. I have never met her, but he introduced my children to her (one of the many clues - and I am not happy that he did so). She lives in the house he had (secretly) bought as an 'investment' for the grandchildren. He doesn't plan to leave mum.
My mum has had MS for many years since I was tiny (I'm nearly 40). Her physical disability is increasing but she can take care of herself for some of the time (she declines carers). She has always been quite a difficult and hostile person so I find her hard to care for. Me and my sister do what we can when dad's away. She had a stroke about four years ago, which turns out to be the year after my dad started his affair (when we were in the hospital with her and rang him he said 'should I come home?', 'err, I would if my wife might be dying'). Strangely she is happier/calmer since the stroke, but more 'absent' and happy watching tennis all the time. She has no clue about the affair, I'm not sure what she would do if she knew/how much she would 'get'. I do not feel it is my place to tell her and I'm not planning on doing so.
I feel horrible around my dad. He is charming and delightful with everyone on a surface level and my sister is happy with taking the line of least resistance. They remain cosy. I find the secrets/lies (he says he's never told us a lie - he was waiting for us to ask when we were ready) horrible. I feel sad for mum, although I understand she is difficult and it is hard to leave someone who is so ill. But I feel lied to too and I am angry that he waited until I was ready to end the whole relationship with him to talk. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I find it hard being around him and mum.
It's just hard and uncomfortable is all. Is his position as understandable as he presents it? Would you be okay with it?
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father having an affair
4 replies
keepwhimsical · 04/07/2015 12:53
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