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Advice please re am I just paranoid?

(7 Posts)
Legoisboring Sat 04-Jul-15 06:18:28

My OH and I have been seeing each other for a couple of years, very casual, at my request. He'd have probably committed a lot sooner than I wanted to, I have a few issues with trust, etc.

I finally felt ready to make a proper go of things a while back, and we now live together. Things are really good, he's loving and kind and pulls his weight. I've got no reason to doubt him based on his actions and he makes me very happy.

The problem is, he's very friendly with a girl from work. They text daily (though not as much as they did when he wasn't living here) and last night he purposely turned his phone screen down on the side. I guessed something was up and surprise surprise, he was texting her. The messages are nothing incriminating, they used to be flirtier, but I'd not have a friendship like that with another man. It would feel disrespectful, but I understand that's my moral standpoint on it and obviously I can't expect everyone to be the same.

I don't know if I'm over reacting to be pissed off about this? It's the hiding it last night that's really bothered me. Its taken a lot for me to trust him and now I feel like that could so easily be broken.

DoreenLethal Sat 04-Jul-15 06:24:48

People don't usually hide something that is not worth hiding - if you get me.

If you have a problem with it then discuss it and tell him you have a problem with it. If he has a problem with you having a problem then it's not the relationship for you.

Legoisboring Sat 04-Jul-15 06:27:35

The thing is, he talks about her in discussions about work etc. it's not as if I don't know she exists. So I do feel a bit paranoid. At the same time, I came in the room the other day and he very quickly pressed the button to his home screen on his phone. So quickly I even told him he didn't have to come off his phone just because I was there.

butterflygirl15 Sat 04-Jul-15 07:16:50

So you do have reason to doubt him due to these actions. If he is hiding it then I would be very suspicious.

Janette123 Sat 04-Jul-15 07:31:50

I am a bit curious as to why he needs to spend his spare time texting this woman from work?
If he sees her at work everyday, then surely that should be enough ? IMO doing this (and then hiding it when you are about) is disrespectful to you.
You need to have a talk with him about it and tell him you aren't happy, and see what he says. His answer should tell you what you need to know.

Legoisboring Sat 04-Jul-15 08:16:52

Janette I am curious of that too. Like I said it used to be a lot more chatty, it's not so much any more. I suppose I do need to talk to him about it. It's bothering me and as such I keep going on at him about other things that wouldn't normally phase me. Not healthy.

Beaverfeaver2 Sat 04-Jul-15 10:03:10

People can have friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes work colleagues turn into th best of friends.
Even if people work together each day it doesn't mean they are socialising or even chatting really.

I see colleagues every day and still want to go for dinner, drinks or anything really.

Sometimes people hide things not because what they are doing is wrong but that they can sense their OH disapproving or feeling jealous.
The same can happen with same sex friendships too

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