Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Feeling down suddenly 6 months after leaving abusive relationship?

6 replies

willthiseverbloodystop · 03/07/2015 21:09

Title says it really. I ve been ok, initially found it hard to cope but had counselling and it helped, then I started to feel bloody brilliant. But all of a sudden that's stopped, I m ok in day but in evenings get very down and even miss him. I would never go back, but don't want to be tied by my feelings like this. I want to move on. I think I talk to him too much but I m about to allow non supervised contact so wanting to assess him, he's been very level for past few months. I ve even tried to wind him up - not deliberately but I ve stopped holding back when I'm cross, and he's normal, doesn't react like he would have done. I don't see him it's just phone stuff. Not sure if some of this is just anger coming out? Or starting a more normal pattern of contact is in some way making me feel weird, because I m treating him like a normal guy, rather than devil incarnate! He is doing a perpetrators course, and doing well and his attitude to me is much better, at least on a basic level. I ve had absolutely no manipulation for months now and it feels weird. And I normally start conversations, he's certainly not being stalkery or anything.

Help, what's going on in my head!

OP posts:

Report

Inexperiencedchick · 03/07/2015 22:18

Report

Hissy · 04/07/2015 08:25

6 months in is when the adrenaline that's carried you this far runs out.

You just focus on why you ended it, focus on the bad things he did to you, and look at your current life and see the new freedom and possibilities that would not be there if you were still with him.

This is totally to be expected. Could you have another therapy season? Or if not, why not call woman's aid just to talk to someone who has experience in what you are going through.

Have you done the freedom programme? If not, sign yourself up for it, in person is better, but they do have it online.

Report

Hissy · 04/07/2015 08:28

The anger is a key part of your recovery, you need to express it, understand and allow yourself to feel it.

Once you have processed this anger, put the issues and thoughts back to rest in your head by reminding yourself that you have a right to be angry, but you won't let your feelings destroy you.

You'll be fine, keep posting. Plenty here who know what you feeling and why.

Report

willthiseverbloodystop · 04/07/2015 08:39

thanks that sounds about right. I do feel like i've suddenly gone really flat, that's the main feeling I have, and so it makes me feel down but actually it's the flatness that is the problem.

I had a life threatening illness some years back and i was fine during treatment and then couldn't cope a few months after it stopped, I suppose this is the same, it's when you stop fighting and have time to process everything.

I think I will do the Freedom programme online, and re read some of the books i have on abusive relationships.

And I am doing well, I've even gone to my boss and asked for a payrise as I worked out I was paid far less than my colleagues - I'd never had the self esteem to challenge it before - so hopefully i'm building that back up ( and he said yes Quite proud that in 6 months I've left an abusive relationship and got a promotion at work!! I was nowhere near this a year ago.

appreciate the wise words xx

OP posts:

Report

CatsandCrumble · 04/07/2015 11:06

The thing I'm finding hard (separated about 3 months ago) is working out what my new life is going to look like. There is a huge gap from the old family life. It's very hard to go from seeing friends occasionally to needing to see people more often without wanting to intrude on their normal routines. I need to meet other people who have a gap as well. Having said that, I'm not interested in dating. The end result feels a bit lonely, but I think it is just a case of working out a new lifestyle slowly.

Report

willthiseverbloodystop · 04/07/2015 19:47

I m trying a single parent holiday this year to help with that feeling. I m naturally an introvert so not sure how it will help but I thought it would help dd both to see that other people have parents who are separated and also to help bridge the gap from the family holiday she is used to and me taking her alone when she would feel the absence of her dad. And I thought it would force me to stop being so isolated!