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I'm starting to get jealous of his friends

(43 Posts)
EloiseBeloise Fri 03-Jul-15 12:58:31

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Casmama Fri 03-Jul-15 13:04:19

I think all you can do is speak to him again and tell him that you feel you are missing out on having fun with him whilst he has fun with others.
Perhaps suggest that for a couple of months he plans a night out with you for every two he has with others or something. This may make hi. Cut down on other nights out and make more effort with you.
I think you do need to be specific about what you need from him and what your asking seems very reasonable to me.

LastOneDancing Fri 03-Jul-15 13:31:38

Hm. You say there are no issues but firstly you want different things from your time together and secondly when you do the mature thing and try to discuss this with him he fobs you off and doesn't do a thing to change it.

Tough question but do you feel like he enjoys your company when you're out together or is it hard work to make conversation? How old is he?

I'd definately try talking to him again, but also I'd tread carefully with buying a house together until he's shown that he understands your feelings and happiness in this relationship are as important as his. If this is happening a year in, your social life as a couple is unlikely to perk up after the addition of a mortgage.

You're not asking for anything unreasonable OP.

AMcoffeeLover Fri 03-Jul-15 15:28:05

Wow I could have written your post OP, only difference is my DP goes away on "guy weekends" a lot tior (this weekend willw be the 4th in a row" (I wanted to book some time away but he was too tired, wanted to stay home.....now he's going surfing ect with his mates!). He never calls or texts.
Keep trying to talk to him. My DP won't even pick up the phone sad

AMcoffeeLover Fri 03-Jul-15 15:28:35

Tior = too !

Casmama Sat 04-Jul-15 11:14:35

Coffeelover I'm sorry but that would be a deal breaker for me. If it is the 'guys' he's away with there is no justification for not answering his phone.
He is treating you with total disrespect a and I think you should dump him.

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 14:12:37

I can't leave him......just just spent £15,000 on a house (studio bungalow/shit hole). He saw it and put the offer in, contacted legal help before I'd even seen it (I would have said no but its too late now. And the place is in just his name.

And his family hare.me (his mums mentally unstable, texts me horrible things that I don't pop in to see her, but she never invites me/is welcoming)

sad sad sad

Rebecca2014 Sat 04-Jul-15 14:21:28

Coffelover You put 15,000 towards a house where is not even in your name and you have no legal entitlement to? Your boyfriend must felt he struck gold being with someone as naïve as you! Seriously get some legal advice and get your name on that lease before you even think about splitting from him.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sat 04-Jul-15 14:29:50

I had this problem with my ex. He would go out with his friends 2-3 nights a week and that meant that the other nights, he was too tired and too skint to go out anywhere with me. I had friends to go out with too but it got to the point that all out fun time was spent seperately and all our time together was spent at home having early nights. This is a very large part of why he is my ex. It just wasn't how I wanted a relationship to be.

Vivacia Sat 04-Jul-15 15:07:54

I can't leave him......just just spent £15,000 on a house

Hang on. Who spent the money? Who does the money belong to? Who had access to it??

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 16:58:41

I put up £15,000, he put up £12.500 (ish) for a deposit. The bank asked for it to go into one account (according to him) so I put it in his account. And somehow its just in his name, and so far he won't change that.
Been together 5 years and he's only been acting like a twat for the last 6 months, since he found/offered on the place without me looking at it. Been going down hill since then.
He's been away since Thursday and I don't even know where he is! No texts or calls......he should be back by tomorrow as he's watching his Dad in a show....hope he turns up.

Sickoffrozen Sat 04-Jul-15 17:09:53

I think your post deserved a thread of its own AM!

Vivacia Sat 04-Jul-15 17:39:12

Are you married AM?

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 17:43:53

No not married. over heard him saying a a mate that "the question" was next on his to do list confused funny way for him to put it but oh well

Vivacia Sat 04-Jul-15 17:59:19

So you gave him £15000, he's now avoiding talking to you and you're sat around waiting for him to offer to marry you?

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 18:03:31

..........sad when you put it like that......
But he can't afford the place without me, I earn double his income. He has no money left, literally. He can't afford to furnish it/bills ect......I've just made myself sound like a money giving idiot, haven't I?

Vivacia Sat 04-Jul-15 18:10:27

He has no money left, literally. He can't afford to furnish it/bills ect

Well, he has £15000 more than he might otherwise have! Did he take the money from a joint account, a technically joint account?

Before you make any changes get legal advice about the house situation.

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 18:14:50

I moved it from my account into his. I wanted a joint account for it but he couldn't make the time to come to the bank with me. He said that as he was with the bank we want the mortgage from it would be easier than him putting his money into my account with a different bank.

Eminado Sat 04-Jul-15 18:15:45

AMcoffee shock shock

Vivacia Sat 04-Jul-15 18:44:20

sad

newstart15 Sat 04-Jul-15 18:48:02

Did you know that you could have bought the place as tenants in common with unequal shares so that your 15k was protected? My DD us doing something similar and no way would it be bought without her being on the deeds.

Get some legal advice NOW.

No decent partner goes away 4 weekends without contact.Please don't tolerate this.It will never get better, please believe us when we say that.This doesn't have to be your life, you could have a lovely man who cares for you.

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 19:16:08

but isn't that renting? We wanted to buy.....

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 19:16:37

But DP was a lovely man

Vivacia Sat 04-Jul-15 19:24:01

but isn't that renting?

No. Did you do any research before handing over your savings? sad

AMcoffeeLover Sat 04-Jul-15 19:31:44

I trusted him. I thought we were just looking for the future, as in get serious about it in 6 months time after his pay rise.. Then he called to say he'd found a perfect place and put an offer in that had been accepted. I looked a week later as that was the only time he could come with me and by then we couldn't back out apparently even though I wanted to. I don't want to live in a tiny place, with a prison on one side and his best mate on the other sad

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