From the outside we're the perfect, young, happy family: married, beautiful smiley 1 year old baby boy, great jobs, lovely house, we even got a nice new car recently. But at least 80% of the time, we're miserable with eachother. Been married nearly 3 years and been a couple for nearly 6.
Our relationship has never been perfect but things have definitely got steadily worse over the past year. We have snidey horrible bitter little arguments about the stupidest things. We have sex maybe once a week or so, because being a mum is tiring and I don't feel in the mood when I just want to sit/lie down and do nothing at the end of a hard day, and not be groped (if I 'force myself' to have sex for his sake, it kind of feels like I'm just being groped rather than enjoyable intimacy).
We haven't had sex for a week or two and it's nothing personal, I just keep saying no when he asks purely because I'm tired. I don't see why it should be a big deal but clearly his sex drive far exceeds mine. Today he brought the subject up again, as he does every month or so: "why do we never have sex?". The question itself insults me, once every week or so does not equal "never". And this time he even suggested that maybe he should be "allowed" to have sex with other people as we "never" seem to do it. Tried to talk himself out of it when I became angry at this but essentially I now feel threatened that if I don't put out, he's going to get his rocks off elsewhere.
To be honest I feel physically sick about that last bit. I tried explaining that if he wants more sex, maybe rather than putting in another one of these stupid formal complaints he could think of some ways to make me feel more special and put me in the mood, maybe try a little romance instead of making me feel like what I do is not enough. It seems it's all about the sex for him.
For the past year I probably think of divorce most days. But I can't throw away our lifestyle that we've worked so hard for. I don't want to be a single mum living in a little flat. I like our home, our family life, I just feel hatred for my husband way too often to be healthy. What am I supposed to do? If someone says "leave him" - how? How do people get by throwing so much away when they leave their long term partners? Is it even worth the struggle? Or should we keep working at this somehow?
I just feel so miserable, I can have an amazing day and still feel miserable at the end of the day and have to deal with him.
Sorry it's such a long post. Just needed to vent I guess. I hope someone can offer some MN wisdom or even hear from someone who has been in a similar situation as I feel so lonely and can't share these thoughts with family or friends as I don't like the idea of them knowing our relationship is shit.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Don't know where to go from here... My marriage is shit.
AlmondMagnum · 02/07/2015 22:05
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