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Partner driving me away

(6 Posts)
devilish4 Thu 02-Jul-15 21:46:34

I need some advice from an unbiased source before i end up walking away from my relationship. Basically I've been with my partner for nearly 6 months, she was pregnant when i met her and she has a nine year old son from a previous relationship. The baby was conceived after a one night stand and she decided to keep it. I came into the relationship eyes open willing to take up the role of being involved in said child's life. The baby's father also plays a role in her life since shes been born a month ago. (We are a lesbian couple)

So anyway my partner had a difficult pregnancy towards the end as she had severe spd and was housebound. I practically became her carer. Again something i had a choice and say in.

The baby was born 5th june and since my partner has come home from hospital I've felt our relationship has been on the skids. Now i understand a new baby is hard work and exhausting and she has alot to get used to bla de bla.

But everything i do is literally wrong. Baring in mind before she gave birth she was singing my praises to everyone about how amazing i am (only thing I'm doing different now is helping with the baby too) but no everytime i say something i get snapped at. I try to help and she argues with me. I try to look after the baby and she judges my standards of childcare. I spend alot of time sat at her house feeling so unwelcome because she'll ignore me and choose to sit playing on her phone instead of talking to me. It literally feels like she doesn't want me anymore.

When i talk to her about how i feel i just get accused of making her out to be a bad person. If I'm quiet i get told off for not speaking. If i go home i get accused of leaving her to look after the kids on her own. Yet when I'm there she watches over me like a hawk.

Is this just a hormone thing that'll hopefully pass in the next couple of weeks or is it something deeper? Cos i don't know how long i can continue being enemy for.

I'm having to apologise all the time for a easy life and i haven't done anything wrong. Should i cut my losses and leave her to be amisery on her own or should i be more supportive and insistant on her letting me help? I honestly don't know what to do for the best. I love her but I'm not willing to be treated like this for no reason. I took enough from her when she was pregnant

Sorry for ranting but all advice will be appreciated

goddessofsmallthings Fri 03-Jul-15 00:38:10

I took enough from her when she was pregnant

Do you enjoy being in relationships where you're taken for granted and treated like a doormat for the other person's angst?

You've said the baby's df plays a role in the child's, and by default her dm's, life and I suggest you leave them to get on with it and go where you are made to feel welcome and don't have to sit watching paint dry the woman who is meant to be your significant other playing on her phone or having your head bitten off just because you went to put the nappy on the wrong end smile

There are givers and takers, honey. You gave, she took. It sounds as if you've served your purpose and this brief liaison is going to hell in a handbasket.

saturnvista Fri 03-Jul-15 00:44:40

I will say it doesn't look great.

You could leave it a little while and see if things improve, you could sit down and explain your feelings as honestly as you've explained them here, or you could take goddessofsmallthings advice and cut your losses. If you're the sort to be troubled by thoughts of what might have been, it's worth remembering that she may be going through all sorts of emotional acrobatics that you know nothing about at the moment.

devilish4 Fri 03-Jul-15 01:26:32

Thank you. I guess you are both right. When I've tried to speak to her about it she just gets defensive and atm she's refusing to speak to me. I probably am better off out but i suppose a part of me was hoping she had an excuse for it. Guess I'm always looking for a reason for her to get away with things.

Thank you again

tallwivglasses Fri 03-Jul-15 14:14:10

If she's refusing to speak to you there's nothing you can do. Tell her that. Cut your losses and go. You're obviously a kind person with a lot to give. Free yourself up so that you can find someone who'll appreciate these qualities.

molyholy Fri 03-Jul-15 14:22:09

So you took enough from her when she was pregnant, but you have only known her during and post pregnancy. Is it possible that it's not hormones and she is just not a nice person?

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