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To plan to leave oh?

(19 Posts)
choccywoccywoowah Thu 02-Jul-15 20:47:42

Background - together 3 years. We have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old.
I'm not happy, we don't have sex, constantly sniping at one another. I feel he minimises greatly my role in the household - I do all cooking, cleaning, childcare while he works full time. In every argument he likes to remind me that he I the one working, bringing money in etc. He also says I'm common, rough, single mum material etc. I know this makes him sound awful but I honestly don't think he is a bad man. He is very popular, has a lovely family etc and I fantastic with our children.

I am not a saint, I have a short temper and say nasty things when I'm angry. (like I don't love you)

Anyway, I just think we are not happy.

As I have no income, I'm terrified being on my own - nowhere to go and no money.

Due to go uni this year in Sept. Would I be unreasonable to plan to leave then when I have a bit of finance behind me (generous living allowances)

I guess I already know I'm being unreasonable as it feels a bit sneaky.

It devastates me to think of my children not living with their dad too.

karbonfootprint Thu 02-Jul-15 20:51:51

flowers don't know what to say, but sorry you are so unhappy

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Thu 02-Jul-15 21:05:28

It's never unreasonable to leave a relationship, if thats what you want to do.
You must have had literally zero time as a couple without children, you probably don't even know each other. And he doesn't sound very nice at all.
Do what you need to do.

Purplepoodle Thu 02-Jul-15 21:11:40

Have you tried marriage counselling?

Tuskerfull Thu 02-Jul-15 21:13:16

YANBU at all. Nobody deserves to be trapped in an unhappy relationship, and your children won't thank you for it either.

Nolim Thu 02-Jul-15 21:15:06

Is "single mum material" an insult this days????angry

But in any case op do what is best for you and your family.

tametempo Thu 02-Jul-15 21:20:51

Ok so you both have history of saying nasty things to each other. Where does the anger stem from?
Do you think once you start university and are doing more than 'just being mum' it will help you identify more of a role for yourself?
Have you had a proper talk together, no anger involved?

Topseyt Thu 02-Jul-15 21:26:26

I think his comments sound spiteful and demeaning. You aren't being at all unreasonable.

He is rubbing your nose in the fact that you are not currently earning. He isn't recognising the contributions you are making.

My husband did this occasionally in the heat of the moment, and was threatened with divorce. It always shut him right up.

Your choice, but you aren't being unreasonable at all.

goodnessgraciousgouda Thu 02-Jul-15 21:29:27

No-one is ever being unreasonable to finish a relationship because they are greatly unhappy.

Especially not when their partners says such demeaning things.

FeelTheNoise Thu 02-Jul-15 21:29:34

He's sneering at what you will become when you leave him, a single mum hmm life's too short, leave and be happy

goodnessgraciousgouda Thu 02-Jul-15 21:29:44

PS, maybe you should post this in the relationships section?

choccywoccywoowah Thu 02-Jul-15 21:35:27

Sorry, yes should have posted in relationships. Not sure I can move it now?
I know its not unreasonable to leave, just the way I am doing it - i.e. planning it.

I think we jumped in to children too soon (he was very keen. He is 40 and I am 26 so he was much more ready than me. And he is a brilliant dad - does bath, bed story with them every night, plays with them all the time etc.)

I also moved an hour away to live with him in his house when I fell pregnant. I have no friends or family in this area - an I guess I take it out on him sometimes.

I think that we are both good people but possibly bring out the worst in each other.

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 02-Jul-15 21:44:42


Sorry, yes should have posted in relationships. Not sure I can move it now?

We've done this for you

choccywoccywoowah Thu 02-Jul-15 22:03:06

Thank you

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Thu 02-Jul-15 22:13:54

You've been together 3 years and have a 2.5 year old?!!

choccywoccywoowah Thu 02-Jul-15 22:20:44

Yeah I got pregnant after 6 months together...Actually maybe 3.5 years we have been together lol...just worked that out and it's not right is it.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Thu 02-Jul-15 22:26:22

Is "single mum material" an insult this days???

It is from your own partner, fairly obviously!

mistymeanour Thu 02-Jul-15 22:49:11

"He says I am common, rough" - these are not nice things to say about your partner, very insulting and derogatory. Do you actually love your P and do you want to work on the relationship? I think you need to have a serious talk about your future.

You both seem to be angry. It must be hard having two DC so close together and so soon after getting together (did you know each other before?).

Well done for getting into Uni - do you think things might improve when you are busy with it and do you think he will have more respect for your contribution?

Nolim Fri 03-Jul-15 05:21:29

Single mums are strong! Using single mum as an insult insults single mums.

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