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pregnant and confused.

(11 Posts)
babyblues19 Thu 02-Jul-15 15:39:23

I'm 6 months pregnant by a man I don't know very well, we were barely seeing each other when I fell pregnant. Basically when we discovered my pregnancy he was great about it and we said we would move in together and make a go of things, this reassured me of my pregnancy and I was confident he would stand by me and I wouldn't be left alone. He started talking to his ex a few months into our relationship and he left me, I thought things were going well between us but obviously I was just blind to the situation. He has been with his ex ever since and I have been trying to be the bigger person and be friendly for the sake of my unborn child. We met up recently after a few weeks of no contact. He said he doesn't know what to do as he loves me but he also loves his ex. He wants a family with me but again he loves his ex and doesn't know what to do. Last night he met up with her and told me he would text me with his decision. I haven't heard from him since and he didn't text. I really want things to work with him but I feel as though I'm making a fool of myself again. I was so upset when he left me I was in a terrible state of depression and found it difficult being 19 pregnant and single and then on top of it having to watch him without a care in the world with his ex..what can I do about this situation? Is he just messing me around?

PurpleBananaPie Thu 02-Jul-15 16:06:55

Yes, he is messing you around. Sorry you are going through this but I think you are better off on your own, this man cannot commit to you and will continue to go back and forth between you and his ex for as long as you let him.

How long had you known him when you fell pregnant?

babyblues19 Thu 02-Jul-15 16:34:48

Thanks for your reply.. I'd only known him a month, I was using protection and it failed us but I wouldn't change my child for the world. I would love to have a family and I do have strong feelings for him but I feel no matter what I do I'm gonna be second best. His ex doesn't take too kindly to us being friends and makes a deal about it when we meet up even though we want to get to know each other better before child comes. Realistically she is never going to be okay with it and he knows that deep down. I have said to him if he chooses to persue a relationship with her then he isnt to come crawling back to me when it backfires as he has let me down before and I won't let him do it again, I am worth more than that. I'm a bit worried that he hasn't got back to me since he met up with her, as he said he would text me last night but I don't want to be texting him looking for answers as I feel he should be the one coming to me. I don't know how to feel or how to act about this its frustrating and very unfair.

PurpleBananaPie Thu 02-Jul-15 18:39:46

I really think you need to forget about him as potential partner material. He said he would text you last night, he hasn't. He has admitted that he still loves his ex. You already feel second best. If you hadn't got pregnant would you still be together?

You can do it on your own, it will be hard but it won't be half as difficult as it will be with him flitting in and out of your lives whenever he wants. I know it feels unfair but you will get through it.

ShebaShimmyShake Thu 02-Jul-15 18:46:58

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

This man is weak and a wastrel. With two women on the go and one pregnant, he needs to make up his mind sharpish (and be grateful he's able to - he can leave a relationship more easily than you can leave being pregnant). What irritates me the most is his constant wibbling about not knowing what he wants, and then saying he will TEXT you his decision - not even the decency to do it face to face (or, it seems, even by text!). I'd have more respect for him if he simply made his decision either way, told each of you and then stood by it. He may choose his ex, and it sounds like he has, but wouldn't you have found it so much easier if he had come by to your home and spoken to you directly and said, "I've decided I need to be with her, but I will still be supportive of our child and you as the mother of our child"?

I've no doubt it is a tough road ahead but you won't be the first or last, and there is help and support available. Far, far better to do it with a proper support network than a weak loser of a man who wibbles and whinges, can't make a decision and hasn't got the guts to talk to the mother of his child directly about their future path.

HootyMcTooty Thu 02-Jul-15 18:53:42

The lack of text tells you everything you need to know. You are not a priority to him.

Don't rely on him to be happy. Take the child maintenance and move forward. If he wants access to his child, do what is right for the child. What is right will depend on whether he intends to be a constant in your child's life, or simply dip in and out to suit his own needs.

Cabrinha Thu 02-Jul-15 20:11:01

Steel yourself. He'll be back and forth playing you off against each other and sleeping with you both, I expect. Don't degrade yourself allowing that.

Good luck with your baby flowers

babyblues19 Sat 04-Jul-15 22:03:50

Thanks for advice guys! He choose his ex yet he didn't have the respect to tell me, he let me find out for myself which is really hurtful and insulting to me. I'm sock of crying about a guy who has no respect for me or my feelings, I've been stressing about him for months, and its making me so depressed that I can't enjoy my pregnancy. I have told him I don't want any contact with him until the child is here as I feel he stresses me out to q point that it may affect my baby and that's my number one concern right now. is it fair of me to do this? he says he wants to come to scans all of a sudden but I don't think I could deal withthe eemotional strain he puts on me. I'm sure I'd be happier to be left alone instead of dealing with his drama and focusing on my baby. Am I being fair?

whitsernam Sat 04-Jul-15 22:15:01

Yes. You are being fair. There is no need for him to be at scans. None at all.

HootyMcTooty Sun 05-Jul-15 11:36:25

You are being 100% fair. He has made his choice. He can see the baby once it is born, until then it is YOUR pregnancy and YOUR rules. You do not need him at the scans, you do not need him at the birth, unless of course you want him there. I'm sorry it's worked out this way, but he sounds like he's really not worth the heartache. Distance yourself and enjoy your pregnancy flowers

babyblues19 Sun 05-Jul-15 11:57:44

Thanks guys! This whole situation is probably the hardest thing I've ever been through and I'm not sure how to handle it. His mother is going to be on my case big time when he tells her but why should he be the one who makes demands and gets everything he wants. He hasn't supported me through any of my pregnancy he just bailed out and i didn't have that option, its just not fair. I don't want his ex around my baby either, I'm not being bitter but she is a nasty person and has been towards me stalking my house it my right to decide who my child is around?

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