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Is it normal to feel this panicked about moving out?

(7 Posts)
MrsHuxtableReturns Thu 02-Jul-15 12:12:28

I've been married a few years, two small DH. Wanted to split up for a while but didn't know how to as a part-time SAHM. Family has no, through financial support, made it possible for me to move out in the near future.

But now I'm panicking. Total heart racing, can't breathe terror. I'm in a different country from all my family, I have nobody here besides H, he's all I've known for the lat 10 years. I'm fucking terrified.

Is this feeling normal? Maybe I'm just not capable of going it alone. I've fantasized about leaving so much recently and I was calm about it. Now this.

If you felt like this before leaving, what did you do? How did it turn out?

MrsHuxtableReturns Thu 02-Jul-15 14:00:52

Nobody?

FrancoisLaPrune Thu 02-Jul-15 14:08:11

Hi MrsHuxtable

I've not been in your position but I would imagine what you are feeling is totally normal. It is stepping in to the unknown and for anybody that is a massive deal.

All I would advise is to take each step one at a time. Every time you have a wobble, remind yourself that this is an exciting new beginning for you and today is the first day of the rest of your life.

I remember going on a course a few years ago and we had to do public speaking. I was terrified. I'm not a confident person but the course leader said something that has always stuck with me. Whenever you feel the fear remember that the chemical being produced by your brain is adrenalin and that is exactly the same chemical produced when you are excited. Next time you get the rush of fear tell yourself that actually what you are feeling is excitement - you are looking forward to this exciting new journey in your life and soon the fear subsides. Not sure I phrased that as well as he did but I hope you get the idea

Good luck

Norest Thu 02-Jul-15 14:13:30

It is 100% normal. Change is really really scary. Change where you feel you will be on your own is really scary.

But..you are not on your own. You have support of family..that is what you meant by that sentence right? They are supporting you to move out?

The first few days and process of moving are really weird. But it is amazing how quickly you not only get used to it, but also start to really really love having your own space, and the freedom of not being trapped in a relationship you don't want.

You ARE capable of going it alone. It is the same stuff as you do when with a partner basically, and anytihng you don't know how to do, you just ask, use the internet to research etc etc.

The difference is, once you are used to the change, you get extra energy and happiness because you are doing all the same stuff you did before life-wise (cooking, cleaning, child care, hobbies..etc...however your life is set up). But the big difference is you are doing it without the millstone of an unhappy relationship around your neck.

So to sum up - Yes it is totally normal to be afraid. But the fear won't last. It will also be WAY worse than the reality of moving out and setting up your new household. The panic before sucks, but once you have actually gone through it I promise you will feel so strong and powerful and proud of yourself.

You can do it. smile

MrsHuxtableReturns Thu 02-Jul-15 14:28:39

By support I meant that my dad, who lives abroad, will support be financially so I can rent us somewhere to live. I don't think the decision in general will be supported.

MrsHuxtableReturns Thu 02-Jul-15 14:32:37

I hope it's true about the energy. H's favourite stick to beat me with is that I don't do enough housework (true) and that I'm useless (not true).

The more he tells me to do stuff the less energy and desire I have to do it. Funnily enough, when he's away for a few days our home is no worse than with him here. I feel like I have more energy and step up.

He claims I wouldn't be able to cope without him.

MrsHuxtableReturns Thu 02-Jul-15 18:05:44

I just feel very lost.

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