Hi guys im new here but neeed some advice... My husband and i have been together 19 yrs , married for 14. He was diagnosed with depression last years but last month walked out on me an his 2 kids. He said he needed to get away and sort his head out, he said he was going to his dads for a few days..... a month later no sight of returning...he says i dont love him, dont show him any affection BUTthen says he dont want to let 19yrs go just like that... yes we have had problems in the past mostly down to money or lack of it..he does come and have the kids while im working but the minute i pull on the drive hes out of the house and gone.. he doesnt phone or txt me but does to the kids everynight. When i ask him whats wrong he just says he dont know why he feels the way he does. The only time he ever cheated ( if you can call it that ) was 4 yrs ago he was incontact with and ex over social media site and arranged to meet her ( told me he was working ) he said Nothing happened they just had a brew.... I nearly chucked him out But thought i'd give it another go but things just weren't the same i couldn't trust him and probably deep down still dont even though he goes out with his friends but causes arguments if i want to go out and in the end i dont go out unless were together then he finds something to argue about that, doesn't like what i wear , doesn't like who im on dance floor with etc,etc an when we had a few drinks its like WW3.. We actually went out for a brew last night to talk as he says he cant do it in the house even if were alone and kids at school but it still didnt resolve things... we just talked the same crap I dont love him / show him affection etc, I asked him how much longer he going to stay away his responce was " I'm not ready to come back yet !" well when are you going to be ready ? Dont know !!. Some things he mentioned made me think he has no intention of comming back this year... as we talked about the kids getting the bus to his dads meeting him there and him having tea with them then he bring them home later on. I wasn't to keen on this as my kids get a school bus to & from school, they would have to get 2 public service bus's to his dads. My kids are 12 & 15 there not daft but have never got a bus to his dads weve always gone in the car. I told him the dark nights will start comming in soon when they go bk in September and im not having them getting busses into town centre then 1 out again in the dark he said he's not stupid and when the dark nights come he will pick them up from home when he's finished work.... ( is he comming bk or what i asked my self ) So i said to him i take it u have no intention comming back within the next month he said No and i dont know when, im not ready !!! I am at a loss i dont know what to do... Do i give him more space or an ultimatum ??? The problem i got with giving him more space is, i know its only been a month but he is p**ing me off with his attitude and i'm now getting to the point where i'm doubting myself as if I want him back and I know in my heart the longer this goes on either I wont want him back or he wont want to come back but its the being left dangling and wondering thats really doing my head in... i've had that "gut feeling " since January he's been seing someone else but have no proof and he full well knows if he did that would be it....
Any advice is muchly appreciated. Thankyou x
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ultimatum or not
thishells · 01/07/2015 14:48
I cant totally understand how he can just walk away on 19 yrs...I have a few good friends that have followed him over the last few days but he has been at his dads. I cant do it due to the kids and he knows my car. Friends keep saying Trust that gut feeling but i am a rational person and without evidence what proof have i got? I cant exactly go infront of a judge and say my guts say he is lol and without paying someone to sit outside his dads all night long i dont know if he does leave later on.
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