I've been separated but not divorced for nearly 4 years. I make it pretty obvious to new partners that the relationship with my 'husband' is over though. If there's doubt then ditch him cos really do you want date someone who is still hedging it with their 'wife'?
I guess you can't expect him to do anything, but it is strange that neither of them want to. What are his reasons? Ultimately it's up to you to decide whether you want to stay with him on this basis. If yes, make sure you have legal agreements drawn up that give you the same protection as marriage in the event of a split, critical illness or death, and check who is the beneficiary on life insurance policies etc
After 5 years separation either spouse can divorce the other without consent.
The petition to divorce to can be filed online for very little cost (less than £100) and a solicitor may only be needed for the 'financials' and matters relating to the dc (if any).
In the absence of a document of legal separation, until such time as the decree Absolute is granted your bf? remains married to his wife in the eyes of the law with all of the implications this implies in relation to his estate/funeral should he pop his clogs prematurely.
You've been with him 6 years?! I thought you were going to say a year or something.
For me, the major thing would be that he isn't free to marry you. This would indicate that he's not interested in marrying you. If you want to settle down and have a family with him, that's not a good place to start.
On the other hand if you are happy with a living together relationship and you already have DCs of your own, perhaps that isn't important to you?
It's not uncommon for married couples to go their own ways without attending to any of the formalities and some may find it convenient not to divorce as it means they can't make the same mistake with someone else.
However, imo any married man or woman who goes on to have a long-term live in relationship with another has a duty of care to make provision for their new partner, and any dcs from the relationship, in the event of their death.
6 years? It would totally depend on individual reasons though. I'd be more tolerant of a divorce in progress than one not yet started. It took me 18 months to get divorced because of my XH stalling paperwork - I'm glad my boyfriend didn't care. But - I'd moved out, bought a house, had court paperwork going back and forth - it was clearly admin. If a boyfriend gave me a good reason, I wouldn't care necessarily. I'd care more if the boyfriend became my life partner. I know it's catastrophising, but I might want to be the next of kin if asked about organ donation, for example. Probably not your biggest upset if your partner died! But I wouldn't want an "ex" wife over ruling my decision for my loved one.
My friend isn't divorced because her XH moved back to Egypt, she has no idea where he is, and CBA with the hassle of finding out how to do it. I think she was married over there but it is binding. Something like that.
gabyjane, I am not sure when you say you "got together" that you meant you were living together? In any event 6 years is plenty of time for him to get this sorted out if he wanted to. IMO you should ask him where he sees your relationship this time next year and does he plan to get divorced. His answer will tell you everything you need to know .....
Thanks for the replies. When I said 'get together' I guess I wanted others views of it was them..however we have been living together 5.5 years. His reasons? None as such..keeps saying he will do it..cost, stubbornness (why can't the ex pay etc) No I don't want to marry him. We each have our own children. I find it frustrating he still has this tie as such
He's right it will be money and hassle. As long as finances are sorted, perhaps he doesn't see the point. What difference will it make if he gets divorced? It doesn't sound like this is about him not wanting to move on from his ex...but he's obv not in a hurry to re-marry.
Thanks for the replies.. Lovingfreedom maybe your right. I just see it as a natural progression when you spereate from someone and im not sure 5+ years isn't leaving that a long time?! I don't want to marry him so it isn't for that reason its just I feel its an odd tie still to have. maybe its me!
you have made sure he's got a will sorted out haven't you. His wife is his next of kin, and although many life insurances won't pay out to her as they don't live together, any payout will go to his children - not you. Whats the situation with the house you live in? If he has an operation that needs next of kin to sign - they'll be his wife that makes the decision. If he dies his wife she could cut you out of the funeral arrangements if she wanted to. Personally I wouldn't live with a man that is still married to someone else, you have very little protection by law - his wife still has it.