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My BF has been in prison...

(261 Posts)
Stubborn9ts Mon 29-Jun-15 15:06:47

(sorry if this is long)
My BF of 4 Months has recently told me that when he was a teenager he went to prison for several years for rape against a 19 year old! this happened whilst he was in the Army. He is now 30. He was given a life sentence not so much for the crime itself(even though very serious) but due to a inaccurate pre-sentence report by a psychiatrist, this has since been ruled inadmissible by the courts. He had a number of trials that were dismissed or stopped for various legal reasons.

He says he never did it and was pressured into pleading guilty by his legal team to avoid a life sentence, which he still got!!, He says he pleaded guilty out of fear as he was scared and wasn't able to get his solicitor to do his job so had to cut his losses and go in to damage limitation mode. He had to continue pretending to admit and show remorse for this throughout his prison sentence to get his release. It seems that his legal aid solicitor didn't do much work on the case or go through with the forensic testing he should have done. He has tried recently to get advice - unsuccessfully with a barrister to withdraw his guilty plea.
My BF has a DNA report that shows he is not the person responsible but due to the court of appeal rules this was deemed as available at the trial and can not now be used in appeals. His solicitor never told him about this report! He cannot afford any more legal challenges, financially or emotionally.

He is now on licence in the community and has to carry on as if he did it, as he fears that if he tells probation/police the truth and launches any sort of appeal they might recall him back to prison on a life sentence. His family and small circle of friends are all open and honest about this and very supportive of him. He has moved on and now runs his own successful metal business. It has taken its toll on him, he is cautious in trusting people now and it has left him slightly suspicious of people.

As a result he is automatically on Sex Offenders Register and he has to tell partners about his past, something to do with public protection it seems and something called MAPPA????
I have met his police liason officer who confirmed that i knew why he had been in prison, the police bloke tbh just asked if i knew and didnt go into much depth. Again they just accept he did it as he pleaded guilty without asking themselves if there is more to this or not. He sees probation once a month for all of ten minutes at most, they leave him alone as hes not considered a high risk.

The issue though is on the one hand this very intelligent, thoughtful, nice, quite guy has been to prison for a very serious crime, yet i actually really love him, Some of my friends think i am mad for staying with him. But at the same time he has never hurt me, treated me badly or done anything to cause me to worry. Long term i think we have a future.

What do others make of this? Has anybody else experience of a situation when they find out that a BF has a serious criminal record or been to prison for a sex offence?

OhNoNotMyBaby Mon 29-Jun-15 15:09:46

I would run and run and then run a bit further.

It is true that very occasionally miscarriages of justice happen. But he got a LIFE SENTENCE! No matter how lovely he may seem I would never be able to trust someone with his record.

YaTalkinToMe Mon 29-Jun-15 15:11:38

Have you seen any of this yourself,letters/reports etc or is this all on his word?

butterflygirl15 Mon 29-Jun-15 15:12:31

I agree with OhNo - I would run even further still. The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>>

Heels99 Mon 29-Jun-15 15:12:43

Seriously, there is DNA evidence that says he didn't do it but he got a life sentence? He is feeding you a load of claptrap. He is a sex offender. He is a convicted rapist. Walk away and do not look back. There is no way you can't do better than this man.

YaTalkinToMe Mon 29-Jun-15 15:13:30

some MAPPA info and some more

seaoflove Mon 29-Jun-15 15:14:03

Considering conviction rates for rapes are so woeful, I'm amazed he got a life sentence. There must be something he isn't telling you.

And as for whether he's guilty or not - you only have his word and that doesn't count for much.

BrianButterfield Mon 29-Jun-15 15:14:16

A life sentence for rape is very high. I would think there is more to it. Could you do your own research - googling, newspaper reports? He might be telling the truth, but then he would say that...have you seen all these reports and paperwork? If you truly believed him and saw the evidence yourself wouldn't you want to help him fight it properly? But if you didn't believe him I would run a mile. In fact I think I probably would anyway.

sausagesandyogadontmix Mon 29-Jun-15 15:15:59

I would be worried what this would mean for you if you have children further down the line with him. I am afraid I agree with the others and would say bin him.

Heels99 Mon 29-Jun-15 15:17:00

He is lying to you. The story about the DNa is not remotely plausible.

FannyFifer Mon 29-Jun-15 15:18:16

Something most definitely not adding up here.

pinkyredrose Mon 29-Jun-15 15:20:38

He's talking crap. The likelihood of him not having done it is miniscule. Why on earth could the forensic evidence that apparently prove he didn't do it not be used in an appeal? Does he know who did do it? Did the rape victim say it was him that did it? Why would she say it's him if it was another guy, why wouldn't she say it's the other guy?

TealFanClub Mon 29-Jun-15 15:21:15

i would speak to the police person again and get their side of the story

did you google him/

You might find that any kids you had with him would be taken away ( extreme but it happens)

I would bin tbh


RepeatAdNauseum Mon 29-Jun-15 15:22:15

Well, you either believe that there are an awful lot of incompetent and awful legal people and your boyfriend is unlucky enough that they were all involved in his trial, or you believe that your boyfriend is a liar.

I'd be looking into exactly what he got a life sentence for. At least take a look at the sentencing guidelines for rape - to get a life sentence, it's likely that it was proved that your boyfriend planned the rape in advance, and that he used force over and above that necessary to commit the offence. Abduction or knowingly spreading a serious sexually transmitted disease can also lead to a life sentence.

hedgehogsdontbite Mon 29-Jun-15 15:23:03

I don't know a single bloke who would admit to raping someone if they hadn't. They'd deny it until their very last breath. He's lying to you.

QueenBean Mon 29-Jun-15 15:23:59

Run away and don't look back

It's a complete lie. Google his history and find out for yourself

Get out of it before the tabloids decide to run a special on him and you find yourself caught up in that, splashed all over the papers and likely lose your job. You will regret staying with him.

pinkyredrose Mon 29-Jun-15 15:24:12

Yes for him to have a life sentence there must be other factors - extreme violence, aggravated robbery, armed with weapons or firearms, kidnap, violent threatening of her, her family and friends, torture etc. He's definitely only telling you a small part of the story. Do your research on the case, you need to know everything.

MarchLikeAnAnt Mon 29-Jun-15 15:24:51

You're a fool if you believe him. I hope you don't have any children..

BaronessBomburst Mon 29-Jun-15 15:24:56

I wouldn't believe him and I would end the relationship.

Wherediditallgoright Mon 29-Jun-15 15:24:59

No way is he telling you everything.

My ex (had been inside) said all prisoners claim they are innocent.

A life sentence for rape but there is DNA evidence someone else did it?

How long did he serve out of interest?

If you have only known him 4 months you certainly can't trust him and you owe him nothing. I think it would be far too risky to continue this relationship.

Thisismyfirsttime Mon 29-Jun-15 15:25:31

Have you Googled him? I'd Google him.

TwoTribes Mon 29-Jun-15 15:26:32

You've only known him 4 months. You don't know him at all. You are taking everything he says at face value but think about it. It's very hard to get a life sentence conviction for rape if you didn't do it. Walk away from him now and take care.

HermioneWeasley Mon 29-Jun-15 15:26:50

He's lying. Agree with the advice to run for the hills

PoppyBlossom Mon 29-Jun-15 15:28:54

I wouldn't want to be with a rapist.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who admitted he was a rapist for an easy life.

A life sentence for rape must have been particularly vicious and violent. Yet he stood up in a court and pleaded guilty to those actions? He's lying to you, or he's mentally unstable/dangerously ignorant.


basgetti Mon 29-Jun-15 15:29:01

I was in a marriage with someone who had been in prison, though not for sex offences. I was young and vulnerable (and stupid). After the honeymoon period it became very clear that I was living with someone with a very different value system to me, who lacked conscience and was happy to operate out of society's 'rules.' I ended up fleeing with the assistance of the police before we reached our second wedding anniversary. Thank God I didn't have kids with him.

I'm not sure what future you could really see yourself having with a convicted rapist tbh. And the prosecution rates are so woeful I doubt he was given a life sentence by mistake.

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