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Feeling sick and guilty. How I probably should feel.

(9 Posts)
Skichick34 Mon 29-Jun-15 09:37:53

I need to get this out there as I can't keep it to myself without going a little crazy,.
Nearly 9 years ago I had a massive crush on a married man, we shared the same hobby and I was stupid and got carried away, we had a very short affair. About 1 month, I slept with him once and realised what a stupid stupid thing this was to do. I went away travelling and didn't see him after that for another few years when I was with my new boyfriend who is my husband now. Again through our shared hobby. Over the years I've bumped into him occasionally and also his wife through our shared interests and similar friends with the same hobby. I've just found out this morning they have just split up.
From my own selfish viewpoint If it comes out that we had an affair it will be total carnage because of the shared interest and the group of friends we all share.
I wish I could turn back time and it never have happened. I truly hate myself for what I did. I haven't told my husband he'd be gutted I did this to this couple.
I know I'm won't get sympathy I'm not looking for that I just needed to write it down.

RepeatAdNauseum Mon 29-Jun-15 09:41:26

Is there any reason to believe that his wife knows about the affair? Is that why they've split up?

Skichick34 Mon 29-Jun-15 09:43:57

No, I don't think she knows and I don't know whether that's why they've split up. I've seen her out a few times over the last couple of months and she's always been without him, with friends.

FredaMayor Mon 29-Jun-15 09:44:39

The grown up thing to do now is live with the knowledge and never mention it to anyone. That will be an atonement, as it was in the past.

TheStoic Mon 29-Jun-15 09:55:04

Does your husband socialise with this guy, not knowing you had a fling with him?

Do you think this 'secret' has created (or could create) a wall between you and your husband?

If so, I'd consider telling him. If this gets out, your marriage is the most important thing you will need to protect. If you tell your husband, at least you won't have to fear him finding out some other way.

Skichick34 Mon 29-Jun-15 10:24:18

They don't socialise together only bump into each other probably once every couple of months

molyholy Mon 29-Jun-15 10:29:42

It was a very long time ago. I doubt this is the reason for their split. Although he did cheat with you, so there is a strong likelihood he done this again, but got caught this time.

Or - they could have just grown apart/fell out of love etc., but I don't think it will be about a fling from nearly a decade ago.

pocketsaviour Mon 29-Jun-15 10:31:56

If you are truly worried that for some reason this man might decide to tell everyone in your friendship group "Hey guess what, 9 years ago I once cheated on my wife and banged Skichick" then I agree with Stoic that you should tell your H.

It doesn't need to be a big drama - just say "I don't think I've ever told you this, but about a decade ago I had a brief fling with him."

However, I can't see any reason why this man would reveal that information at this late stage.

Skichick34 Mon 29-Jun-15 10:37:40

Thank you. I agree I can't imagine him sharing the information and yep if hes done it before he probably did it again. I just look back and think what they fook was I thinking. Stupid stupid girl I was.

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