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Influence of words...

(16 Posts)
Inexperiencedchick Sun 28-Jun-15 20:13:27

Please give some advice if possible...

Will you be put off if a guy makes some jokes that actually hurt you?

How do you deal with these type of people?

I was affected very much by his words and felt discomfort.

Thank you.

Lovingfreedom Sun 28-Jun-15 20:20:53

Yes I would be put off.

Polpo Sun 28-Jun-15 20:22:56

I would definitely be put off.

I'd think they were seeing how much I would take and how much they could get away with before stepping up the hurtful behaviour a little bit more.

CarnivalBearSetFree Sun 28-Jun-15 20:24:39

I would definitely be put off.

Did you speak to him about it and tell him that what he said hurt you and made you uncomfortable? Perhaps if he knew he would be more mindful of what he says. Obviously, he should be anyway but maybe he didn't realise you would be upset.

Without more information about what happened it's hard to give advice.

Rewy Sun 28-Jun-15 20:29:20

Yes treat it as a warning of what's to come

Inexperiencedchick Sun 28-Jun-15 20:32:56

I felt emotionally worn out from his words (had a lot going on at the same time as well), but when I kind of spoken a bit he sensed that I'm upset.
He said like: you look disheartened.
When I said yes, he just replied "shake it off and move on..."

Doesn't accept that he might be himself that person...

Inexperiencedchick Sun 28-Jun-15 20:36:31

Yes Polpo, I guess he was trying to see how much I can take...

@Rewy, I didn't know it was a warning sign. Extend of that was even worse...

Rewy Sun 28-Jun-15 20:41:31

My narc ex used to say things about me in a jokey way , eventually it escalated into him destroying my self esteem and my confidence to the point where I felt I couldn't even make a cuppa .

Inexperiencedchick Sun 28-Jun-15 20:45:40

Does it come from Narc?

My self esteem went completely down too...

It's an awful feeling I never experienced...

DeanParrish Sun 28-Jun-15 21:23:42

Hmmm. My ex used to say rather cruel and cutting things then claim it was a joke when he saw I was hurt. But you know what, he meant to hurt me.

Inexperiencedchick Sun 28-Jun-15 21:38:37

@Dean How did you react?

Did you explain? or kept inside until the hurt is unbearable and makes you explode...

How did you deal with it?

CheersMedea Mon 29-Jun-15 13:03:29

Typical conversation with these kind of people:

Man (for it is usually a man): If we get stuck at sea we can make a sail out of the vast swathes of material needed to cover your enormous arse in those trousers.
W: That's not very nice.
M: Just making a little joke dear. You have no sense of humour.
W: You know I'm trying to lose weight. That's really hurtful.
M: God! You are SO sensitive. I can't say anything.

[A good question to ask here is
W: What is funny about insulting someone?]

What it does is minimise your own legitimate upset. A normal person would say "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I won't do it again."

Dismissing a normal emotional response to belittling/insulting "jokes" is to dismiss you. It aggravates the hurt by indicating your own feelings are not worthy of legitimate consideration.

TheStoic Mon 29-Jun-15 13:06:49

I don't spend time with anyone who deliberately tries to make me feel bad. Not by choice, anyway. They do it once, they don't get the chance to do it again.

Inexperiencedchick Mon 29-Jun-15 14:41:03

Thanks CheersMedea, it's awful how some people treat others...

TheStoic, I came to the same decision. No second chance!

Some people are strange.

The point is they become furious if you respond in the same manner to them...

ALaughAMinute Mon 29-Jun-15 19:00:11

What did he say? Is there a chance you could be overreacting?

If you think his comments were designed to upset you, then dump him without question. As you quite rightly say, some people are strange. His problem not yours.

Inexperiencedchick Mon 29-Jun-15 20:53:13

I did tell him "You are strange"

Moved on already ;)

I think he was in purpose trying to learn what I like and dislike and started to play on my dislikes...
Didn't understand at the beginning that's why my expression was "strange", but then I came to a conclusion he was doing it in purpose and I closed the door.

Sickness, I guess...

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