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Should I finish this? please help!

(65 Posts)
lydiar69 Sun 28-Jun-15 17:54:57

Hi Everyone - I am in a terrible dilemma and need some advice. I started a new relationship a year ago after my divorce.

We have lots in common and similar interests. Unbeknownst to me, he has Type 1 Diabetes. On our second date, he had a hypo. I had no idea what was wrong and called an ambulance. Since then , this has happened on many occasions although if I'm around, I know the signs and can usually do something to avoid him going unconscious.

The illness was not a problem as far as I was concerned. Then he had a hypo while driving and lost his licence. So for the past year, I have been getting up an hour earlier to drive him to work. I now am out of the house for 12 hours a day (I leave at 5.45am). I work full - time and the extra driving and long days have been really hard.

I tried to tell him I was finding it hard and could we find another way but he shouted at me and said his life is terrible and he needs me to do this or he can't work etc. I used to see my teenage son in the morning but no more.

Anyway, at Easter , after we had been arguing because i picked him up late after my work meeting overran, he finished with me by text. Two days later, he changed his mind. He has never said why he changed his mind but I suspect it's because he needs me to continue to drive him everywhere. We live in a rural area with little public transport but he refuses to use the bus anyway.

I often cook for him, clean his house, run errands for him. On my birthday he said he couldn't get me a present as he can't get to the shops.

He now needs an urgent, major operation and I feel like I am trapped as it would be callous and cold - hearted to leave him now.

We hardly ever do anything fun together anymore as he is too busy working. I can't remember the last time. He hardly ever calls me, unless he wants me to do something, i feel i make all the effort. The only time I see him is when he needs me to do something for him or I get a phone call from the hospital.

I don't want to be in this relationship anymore as it is draining and exhausting, but I don't see how I can end it when he has this major operation to face. He doesn't speak to his family so he only has me to support him.

pocketsaviour Sun 28-Jun-15 17:59:11

He is absolutely mugging you off, to the detriment of your relationship with your son.

You owe this joker precisely nothing. I would send him a bill for all your mileage over the past year and tell him to fuck himself.

Why have you accepted this treatment? Does it mirror something in your parents' relationship?

Hissy Sun 28-Jun-15 18:05:31

Seriously, finish with him!

Go out with me! smile

He's a complete arse and worth not one single second of your time.

DorisDazzler Sun 28-Jun-15 18:11:42

He sounds vile. And yes you should get rid.

Fudgeface123 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:12:13

Get rid, it's not your problem. He's not even pretending to be grateful for what you already do for him, he's only got himself to blame.

PushingThru Sun 28-Jun-15 18:13:36

You have to end it. You're not happy.I can see the dilemma you feel you're in though with the impending operation, but he'll have time to arrange alternative means of support. He obviously dealt with his illness & the practicalities of life before he met you & he'll do so after you've gone. Having an illness doesn't absolve him from being horrible to you.

andthenagain Sun 28-Jun-15 18:15:42

Get rid now.

You are an unpaid chauffeur/housekeeper for him.

Leave now and let him find some other help for after his operation. He isn't your problem.

Do it now

DocHollywood Sun 28-Jun-15 18:18:10

I have no idea why you are even asking! He needs a chauffeur and a housekeeper and you fit the bill perfectly. Why can't he clean his own house? His family probably don't want anything to do with him because they realise what a complete arse he is. Get out and go and have fun!

PurpleWithRed Sun 28-Jun-15 18:19:56

Good grief - that takes cocklodging to the giddy limits! Dump him right now, you've more than done your bit.

TheHumblePotato Sun 28-Jun-15 18:25:02

He probably thinks he's struck gold with you. No doubt he's expecting you to feel guilty and thus continue to be his personal slave assistant. Tell him it's over and be done with. Having Diabetes is not a license to behave like a twat.

Granville72 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:29:26

If you need to ask the question, then you already know the answer.

Don't waste any more time on him, he's not your responsibility, nor is getting him to work and back.

Send a text now, end it and start the week with a fresh look on life.

Oh, and enjoy a cuppa with your son in the morning instead of running around after this loser

Tutt Sun 28-Jun-15 18:32:25

OP finish with him get it done, no time will be the right time so the sooner the better.
You don't deserve to be someone's dogsbody!

lydiar69 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:33:28

Thanks to all of you. My family have been saying the same. I obviously am just a doormat but I feel like it would be cruel to leave him just as he's facing this and there is no chance of him getting his driving licence back. Yet he hasn't called me or texted me at all today and I will be getting up at 5.30am tomorrow to drive him to work. And actually yes, my mum was exactly the same! X

PresidentTwonk Sun 28-Jun-15 18:33:40

This is the third time I've said this on here today - please leave him!

amarmai Sun 28-Jun-15 18:35:00

You have a responsibility to look after yourself and your son- not this user and abuser.

Zillie77 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:37:17

I have a woman friend in a similar situation, and three years on, she is still chauffeuring her jackass boyfriend to and from work and all over town! Get out now, I think.

Wherediditallgoright Sun 28-Jun-15 18:38:00

Sorry but I would not have done that drive at 5.45 even once. You have only been together a year? You owe him nothing. Put your son first.

Granville72 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:38:06

He's not your problem lovely, nor is his driving licence, job or impending hospital stay.

I'm sure he'll manage just fine and find alternative transport options.

You do realize you're just a taxi & doormat don't you?

Send the text now, don't let him drag you down any further. There is nothing to be gained from it

zzzzz Sun 28-Jun-15 18:38:09

He's a grown up. He is perfectly capable of dealing with his own transport problems and medical procedures.

Just finish with him.

the bottom line is you don't enjoy the relationship. Find one you do enjoy.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 28-Jun-15 18:40:36

Not cruel. He has really done a no on you. LTB.

Felyne Sun 28-Jun-15 18:52:05

I'm not sure he thought he was being cruel when he dumped you by text because he was collected later than he was expecting through no fault of yours.
If it can be a clean break then text him at 5.45 to say you won't be coming. Ever.
If you have stuff at his place maybe go tomorrow morning ("as usual"), drop his stuff from your house with him, collect yours and then leave.

All the best.

You are worth more than this.

Oh also, "couldn't get to the shops"? Has he not heard of internet shopping? He doesn't care and probably never will.

butterflygirl15 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:55:51

you aren't in a relationship - you are his carer. At great financial and emotional expense to yourself. Why is this all you deserve?

CarnivalBearSetFree Sun 28-Jun-15 19:32:20

Why don't his family speak to him? Could it be that he sponged off them like he has you and they had enough?

You don't owe him anything. You are far kinder than I would've been, ferrying him about like a child and cleaning up after him. Dump him.

marchart Sun 28-Jun-15 19:50:38

Leave him and spend time with your son again.

Stitchintime1 Sun 28-Jun-15 19:53:06

Dump. Just dump. Dump ASAP.

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