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Could you let this go?

(44 Posts)
vanillachai Sun 28-Jun-15 17:35:18

Totally wrong of me - looked on my bfs phone yesterday.

I found a message to a girl telling her he was sleeping naked (no response from her) and then next day asking why she's always messaging him, was she thinking of something naughty (she said no)...

Spoke to him about it. He said he was feeling horny, wanted the attention. Nothing happened. He's very sorry, knows he's wrong. Wouldn't cheat on me, etc.

Apparently he slept with her once 2 years ago and nothing since.

I'm so unsure what to think. Do I take his word and see how things go, or is that enough to end it?

Hassled Sun 28-Jun-15 17:38:01

We all have different thresholds of what we're prepared to tolerate - so it's your call. If you were me, I'd move on. There are plenty of nice blokes out there who don't feel the need to send dodgy texts to ex-girlfriends. And you looked at his phone for a reason - there must have been some niggle, some doubt. That's no way to live. Without trust, a relationship is buggered.

SoleSource Sun 28-Jun-15 17:41:30

Deal breaker for me. It is painful I know.

glitteryflange Sun 28-Jun-15 17:43:02

I would tell him to fuck right off.

RagingJellyBean Sun 28-Jun-15 17:45:37

You could let it go, but a few months down the line you'll be back on here posting a "cheating, lying, bastard" post.
If he was cut from the monogamy cloth he wouldn't be texting anyone other than you for attention.

run for the hills!

FernGullysWoollyPully Sun 28-Jun-15 17:45:57

I'd tell him to piss off ASAP. You deserve better than that. Even the intention of something happening would be enough for me.

AuntyMag10 Sun 28-Jun-15 17:46:07

I would dump this waste of space and move on. Really these are the types of things that are so glaringly obvious about the type of person someone is. He's in a relationship with you but felt /thought nothing of you to message this other person. There's great, decent men and then there's his(your big) type.

AuntyMag10 Sun 28-Jun-15 17:46:21

*your bf

pocketsaviour Sun 28-Jun-15 17:56:29

How long have you been together?

The fact she is clearly not interested is probably the only thing that stood between him and some sexting, if not a physical hookup.

If monogamy is important to you, I'd throw this guy back in the water.

vanillachai Sun 28-Jun-15 17:59:07

We've been together six months.

AuntyMag10 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:00:27

It's only 6 months and already he's doing stuff like this so early? There's only one thing to do here , hope you make the right decision.

vanillachai Sun 28-Jun-15 18:14:46

He told me when we first got together that his marriage had ended because he cheated, that he had learnt his lesson, would never act that way again. I loved his honesty, we have always been able to talk about anything.

And then I find these messages.

It's sad because I totally trusted him. I actually thought he was different.

TokenGinger Sun 28-Jun-15 18:18:05

Six months in could tell you one of two things. He's either not that serious about you yet and thinks it's ok to do that because he's not yet committed to you. Or he's a tosser and will likely cheat on you in the future.

It sounds like the only reason nothing happened was because she didn't want it. Not because he practised such restraint.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 28-Jun-15 18:18:46

I'd be considering if his 'honesty' is in fact just a line he is using.

Because actions speak louder than words.

FenellaFellorick Sun 28-Jun-15 18:19:10

I wouldn't believe him. And when trust is gone, believe me, what you're left with is not a relationship.
He has shown you what type of man he is.
It is down to you to decide if that is the sort of man you want a life with.

PresidentTwonk Sun 28-Jun-15 18:22:40

He's a leopard and his spots will NOT change. Six months and he can't keep it in his pants already, what will he be like in three years? Sorry if I sound harsh but honestly you need to dump him, you can do so much better and you will never regret ending it with him like you'll regret staying with him. I absolutely promise you. winecakeflowers

AuntyMag10 Sun 28-Jun-15 18:26:47

So he cheated on his wife and ended his marriage. Yuck stay away from men like these. Bad news.

Vivacia Sun 28-Jun-15 18:30:51

He told me when we first got together that his marriage had ended because he cheated... I loved his honesty


Six months? I'd move on.

vanillachai Sun 28-Jun-15 18:34:42

When you put it like that Viv

I did believe him to begin with. Now it's more I want to believe him. Otherwise it means I've been fooled again by another bastard man sad

FenellaFellorick Sun 28-Jun-15 18:39:12

Better to face it than waste more time on him.

Vivacia Sun 28-Jun-15 18:44:58

Be careful; don't get in to a catastrophic, absolutist frame of mind about men.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 28-Jun-15 18:48:05

Otherwise it means I've been fooled again by another bastard man

No, I don't think so. The point about a relationship is to learn what someone is really like.

Staying even after finding out he's 'another bastard man' is being fooled.

vanillachai Sun 28-Jun-15 18:57:12

It took a lot of trust to open up to him after so many crappy relationships and years of emotional abuse. I desperately wanted him to be different. I have very little support so it's really hard to get out and meet guys. I really would love a proper relationship, it just doesn't feel like it's ever going to happen for me.

Vivacia Sun 28-Jun-15 19:15:06

I really would love a proper relationship, it just doesn't feel like it's ever going to happen for me.

I know what you mean OP and I think many of us have felt like this at times. But the longer you're with this man, the less chance you have of finding someone who is right for you.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 28-Jun-15 19:24:34

I agree, vivacia.

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