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when to give up - drugs related.

(21 Posts)
DoTheDuckFace Sun 28-Jun-15 16:27:07

How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

A family member has problems with drug addiction. It is affecting her child. After yet another week-long drug binge, holed up in her friends flat with both of their children, neither going to school, social services have been called again but they never do anything.
I have lost hope for this family member they don't even see how they are wrong but I don't want to lose touch because then I can't keep an eye on their DC.
I have the dc here with me, I picked them up on friday have spent the weekend delousing them, tonight dc is going to another family member. Both of us are hoping that it will be a long term solution but we have been here before and social services just hand the child back to the parent.
The parent is very good at saying she will get help and wants to change etc etc but she doesn't follow it through and we end up here again.
I don't know what to do at all.

Twinklestein Sun 28-Jun-15 16:36:55

I would call NSPCC 0800 800 5000

If you know her GP practice, I would contact them - are they registered?

If you think they're in immediate danger, don't hesitate to call the police.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 28-Jun-15 16:39:59

You cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Not until they've reached rock-bottom and can't see a way out of it.

I'd be holding onto the DCs and not let anyone take them back to her.

NotTellingYouMyName Sun 28-Jun-15 16:40:17

How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?
You can't, until they decide they're ready. But you can continue to support the children.

DoTheDuckFace Sun 28-Jun-15 16:41:07

I have the child with me so not in danger, I just don't know how to get help for the adult. Social services are coming on Monday to decide what to do next but we have been in this exact situation several times before and despite family saying it is a bad idea they just hand the child back.

Twinklestein Sun 28-Jun-15 16:42:09

It's probably worth calling SS again and telling them that the children keep being returned and nothing changes.

Your local council's social care department should be open 24/7.

You need to find your local social care team. You can find it via

DoTheDuckFace Sun 28-Jun-15 16:46:30

They are coming out tomorrow anyway, I don't know how many times we have rung them and told them our concerns and how many times we have removed the child only for them to hand child straight back. It is so frustrating but we can't refuse to give a child back if they have said that's what is happening. (Can we??)
I just hope this time is different but I am not holding my breath.

Twinklestein Sun 28-Jun-15 17:07:30

I think if they repeat the same pattern you have to take action.

I would take advice from NSPCC on precisely that matter. They are people you need to speak to.

You need to know what options are open to you if SS hand the children back.

If you can't get your sister's GP's number, then go and talk to your own GP.
Your GP will be obliged to report your concerns. It may be enough to prompt a review the SS team's handling of the case.

If all else fails, try your MP.

forumdonkey Sun 28-Jun-15 17:15:26

Speak to the school and tell them everything about both children and your worries and concerns. You need them to express their concerns that they have eg, attendance, appearance.

DoTheDuckFace Sun 28-Jun-15 17:34:08

I spoke to the school on Friday, they said they can't discuss anything with me but I told them I my concerns and they said they will pass it on to the safe guarding team.

I will try the doctors if the child is given back tomorrow. I just want what is best for the child. Family member is an adult and makes their own choices so can live with the consequences but the child is just that, a child and needs protecting from this.

Twinklestein Sun 28-Jun-15 17:39:28

Exactly, this is a child protection issue.

The children are being neglected and they're in danger.

If that child goes back and eats some drugs found in a smarties tube, what will SS do then?

Tutt Sun 28-Jun-15 17:59:24

You push and push SS to do something.
Talk to agencies like
Any local frug/addiction agencies.
Talk to your own GP as your relatives GP won't be able to talk to you.
Ask at the local police station for support groups etc.

I worked for a local addiction agency and we helped family and gave advice.

Tutt Sun 28-Jun-15 17:59:50

*Drug not frug!

Twinklestein Sun 28-Jun-15 18:12:25

Just to be clear: you cannot go to your sister's GP and ask for medical information. You can go to them and give them information as to the extent of her drug-taking and the danger to the children.

DoTheDuckFace Sun 28-Jun-15 18:27:25

Thanks Twinkle I did wonder if they would speak to me but we are ready to try anything.
Thanks for the links Tutt I will check those out.
Hope tomorrow goes better than the last times.

Twinklestein Sun 28-Jun-15 18:37:54

The people I really think you should speak to are the NSPCC.

Tutt Sun 28-Jun-15 18:56:25

Agree with NSPCC and the child/childrens own GP who has a duty of care for them.

DoTheDuckFace Sun 28-Jun-15 22:14:43

Thanks I will call NSPCC tomorrow after speaking with the social worker.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. It's so frustrating.

serene12 Mon 29-Jun-15 07:51:51

The affected child is lucky to have you, you're right to contact as many agencies as possible. I volunteer in child protection, what is concerning is that it'll soon be the summer hols, so the child/children will not have the safe haven of school where the staff can flag up any concerns to SS. SS should also be talking to the child to ascertain their views. Also, children of drug addicts can go hungry in the holidays, as no school lunches and drug users will spend money on drugs rather than food. SS should be undertaking a kinship assessment to see if any family members are suitable to care for the child
Families Anonymous are for family members who are concerned about drug abuse, they have a very good website, you can order literature and go to meetings. Drug users are unable to prioritise their children's welfare. I hope that somebody will listen and act on your concerns

DoTheDuckFace Mon 29-Jun-15 12:36:42

Still no word from social services.

Family member is now saying that they can't cope because "no one is helping her" but when pressed won't elaborate on what form they expect this help to take.

I don't know what they think other people can do for her. she has had referrals to drug services and doesn't attend the appointments. She has child free weekends whenever she asks. I have never turned down a request to baby sit. I just don't know what she actually expects us to do to 'help' her.

Clutterbugsmum Mon 29-Jun-15 13:03:28

Speak to the school again, ask to talk directly to the person in charge of safeguarding. This maybe a family worker or the head teacher. The school have a duty of care to follow this up with all the relevant agencies.

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