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Husband has walked out

(21 Posts)
Lizlette Sun 28-Jun-15 09:43:50

I probably should name change, but I dont know how to on the app.

Husband walked out on me and 2.5yr old daughter on Tuesday. I knew things weren't perfect, he said he'd been feeling unhappy for about 6 months, but didn't tell me for ages, and we'd been in counselling for 6 weeks, but I honestly thought things were on the up.

feels as though he just paid lip service to 'trying to make things work' and that the counselling was just a box ticking exercise.

he says he's 'not unhappy, but we dont work as well as we should'. We've been together for half of my life.

I went to bed last night hoping that I wouldnt wake up and have to deal with this. I dont want to hurt myself, as I have to stay strong for my daughter, but I thought I'd got a good husband and I dont know how to deal with this.

Sweetsecret Sun 28-Jun-15 09:59:21

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. My H said the same to me, that we didn't work as a couple anymore and left me and my two DC'S, that was three months ago.
I totally understand how desperate you feel, don't try and get any answers out of him right now as it will just make him withdraw more.
I did the whole begging pleading stuff and it pushed my H further away and now he m is talking about divorce, I am devastated.sad
All I can say to you, is get as much RL support as you can, keep in touch on this thread to rant or whatever, it is so raw now but I promise you will feel better soon.
Just carry on the best you can for your little one, like my mum said to me "now is the time to show the world what you are made of, and how strong you can be"
so sorry this has happened to you, just know you are not alone. thanks

Inexperiencedchick Sun 28-Jun-15 10:02:47


Lizlette Sun 28-Jun-15 10:15:56

thanks guys, I know I am capable of doing this on my own, I just don't want to be in a position where I have to do it.

My auntie is coming over, both families live 1.5 hours away, so she's driving up. my dad has enough on at the moment as my mum's in hospital, my friends are being great but all have their own stuff going on.

I just don't understand whats going on, I've spoken to his mates and they can't understand it. if its a mid life crisis why couldnt he just blow our savings on a sports car, why did he have to throw a nuclear bomb into our lives?

oh god, what if he tries to take my daughter away? he's always been a great dad, and she misses him so much

FriendofBill Sun 28-Jun-15 11:08:27

Don't think about what if he tries to take your DD, he took only himself.

Men who do this, seemingly for no reason, sometimes have another woman. Is this a possibility?

Just concentrate on getting through the day. Hope you have auntie there with you flowers

SabrinnaOfDystopia Sun 28-Jun-15 11:14:37

thanks OP. Brace yourself, I have never known a man irl (or on MN come to that) do this without another woman being involved.

GrumpleMe Sun 28-Jun-15 11:42:00

I agree - another woman has caught his eye and the grass looks a lot greener where she is.

Don't try to win him back. Firstly, he doesn't deserve it. Secondly, it doesn't work.

butterflygirl15 Sun 28-Jun-15 11:42:48

I agree - cherchez la femme.

mummytime Sun 28-Jun-15 11:53:05

Sorry but there probably is another woman involved somewhere. (Or maybe man?)

Don't worry about your DD - he's left and unless he was a SAHD he's unlikely to get more than 50% residency and he needs to be settled for this (and close enough for it to work). He probably doesn't want her to cramp his style at present either.

Marmaladybird Sun 28-Jun-15 14:23:40

I completely agree - prepare yourself to find someone else in the picture (even if he's not the type).

Keep yourself busy and don't allow yourself to try and get him back home. Just watch and try and detach from your emotions when you're dealing with him for the time being.

Lizlette Mon 29-Jun-15 07:09:18

I appreciate that there may well be someone else, or even if there isnt yet, he wants there to ge the option for there to be someone else one day, I just can't get my head around how much my life has changed in the last week. it feels like my whole life has been turned upside down and I didn't see it coming.

Lizlette Mon 29-Jun-15 07:12:05

it just really hurts that he said he doesnt want to spend the rest of his life with me, I thought we were all really happy.

I've been with him since I was 16, ive never lived on my own, and even though I have my daughter, I'm lonely already.

TheStoic Mon 29-Jun-15 10:42:36

I'm so sorry, Lizlette. Your whole future as you saw it has just disappeared, and that must feel so scary. :-(

Honsandrevels Mon 29-Jun-15 10:56:33

I was about to start a thread when I saw this one.

OP my h has just done the same thing. He's not gone yet but he is planning to move out.

I just can't believe it. I thought we were an unshakable team.

I've no idea how I'm going to get through this. Having to tell the children, friends etc. My whole life has been blown apart and he just keeps saying that we can be friends and he'll be round all the time to see the children.

Sorry to unload. I share your anger, sadness and disappointment.

Cassawoof Tue 30-Jun-15 06:40:49

I'm sorry for what both of you lizlette and hons are going through. The same happened to me and it is devastating. They do think that they can drop this bombshell but will still be around to support and help, so they can say that they are not abandoning their family, except that is exactly what they have done.

Look after yourself and your children. Thinking of you.

Janette123 Tue 30-Jun-15 07:04:56

Lizlette, I am sorry you are going through this.

Like others have said I would bet a pound to a penny that there is another women in the equation.

At the moment you are in shock, but you need to take charge of this situation.
See a solicitor and see what you are entitled to financially, should you choose to divorce him. (Most solicitors will give you a free half-hour appointment) Also discuss child support and access. There is no reason he can take your child away, so don't worry about that.
You will also need to contact Social Security to see what benefits you are entitled to.

I am glad that your auntie is coming up to help you.

Walkacrossthesand Tue 30-Jun-15 07:23:57

Lizlette, please don't hurt yourself, your DD needs you. Your husband is turning out to be not the man you thought he was, and the roles of 'husband' and 'dad' are now independent. Not what you wanted, but there's nothing you can do about that - you'll need to put a wall up between yourself and him because he will no longer be thinking of your interests and wishes, just his own.
I'm so sorry - I was where you are, many years ago, and it's crap. flowers

King1982 Tue 30-Jun-15 15:35:16

Sorry OP, this must be very tough for you.
From my experience, whether there is another woman is generational. I have found men over 40 are less likely to leave without another option. I have found that men 25-35 are a lot more independent (obviously not all and it depends on character and relationship history) and self sufficient.
If your hubby has an old fashioned outlook and needs mothering or has spent little or no time single, then I'd guess an OW.
Good luck

Jan45 Tue 30-Jun-15 15:43:21

I also think OW, they rarely leave otherwise, there's always something or someone that gives them the push to leave.

You will be fine though, in time, lean on family and friends, they will want to support you as much as possible.

Lizlette Tue 30-Jun-15 16:51:35

hons, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you to, it sucks doesn't it.

i tried to go to work to keep things the same, but got sent home as I wasn't concentrating and probably likely to make a mess of things. daughter is still in nursery though to keep her routine going.

At the moment, it feels as though ive got some sort of flu-im tired and achy.

mrstweefromtweesville Tue 30-Jun-15 20:46:29

Its so very harsh. I'm sorry. Keep going, one tiny step at a time.
It gets better eventually.
Wouldn't waste time waiting for him in any way, or expect to 'be friends', it just prolongs the pain.

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