Long story short - my relationship with long term partner ended around a year ago, at my instigation. We have one child. I did not behave well towards the very end (last couple of months) - allowing a friendship to become an EA then making this physical, once, after I had ended things with partner but before I moved out.
Ex is very angry with me, understandably.
I'm not going to justify my actions with a bunch of reasons why I was desperately, desperately unhappy.
So. I will need to remain in amicable contact with ex because of DC, he says I should not have any contact with the OM as a way of making amends for my behaviour. He feels I owe him this, and will not budge from this position.
I just don't think that it how it works. Am I wrong?
No OP, he doesn't have a point. Perhaps he doesn't understand the 'ex' part of his new title.
It doesn't matter whose 'fault' it was that your relationship ended. The fact is you are no longer romantically committed to each other. That means not only does he not have the right to demand who you do and don't see, he also doesn't have the right to demand any responsibility, apology, or remorse from you.
But of course you still need things to be amicable.
IIWY I'd wait until he brings it up again then politely, but assertively, make it clear that you have no intention of discussing your personal/love/sex life with him, now or in the future.
The sooner you make sure he understands your relationship is now only about the DC the better.
You should be communicating about the dc only. Yes you have a responsibility to be sensitive to your dc emotional needs and not introduce lots of boyfriends to them etc. but what you do in private is your business alone!!!
Your ex needs to butt out of your life completely.
I have told him I only want to communicate about DC, which at the moment he is respecting. He's gone from sending countless ranty communications to just being a bit edgy when I drop DC off. Nothing unpleasant, just a bit edgy.