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Middle of the night sorrow - dp treating me like crap yet making it hard to break up with him. Please give me strength!

(17 Posts)
YellowOpalFruit Sat 27-Jun-15 03:50:25

Have name changed

I kicked dp out 3 months ago. Our relationship wasn't particularly awful apart from one factor - he could not come home at a reasonable hour during the working week. He would go out till 2am regularly with his mates and in the end it drove me mad. It wasn't so much the lateness though I struggled with that, it was the lying (he would say he was coming back at 9pm then just not turn up). He could never say no to his friends and I suspect he had a drinking problem.

So I asked him to leave or behave more reasonably and he left and rather than staying with his friends (which he could have done), he went back to his house which his dw lives in (separated for donkeys years but not finally divorced due to issues with a property). He claims he moved into the spare room. It's a very large house and it was about to be sold (to enable the divorce) so he claimed (not that I was interested!) that he had moved back in to make sure this happened and push it all through. He came to see me shortly after and begged me to keep seeing him. That he would sort his shit out and move back in and he'd been an arse etc etc

I told him I wasn't interested but we have carried on having a cordial relationship (as friends). We both have many many joint friends and it would be really awkward if we weren't on friendly terms.

Except he is right royally taking the piss. He will not give my car keys back. He still has a phone number on my contract (as I have a v good deal due to the business I run) and he still hasn't ported the number so I am still paying the bill. I can cut him off at the drop of a hat but I was TRYING to give him a chance to do it (as he runs a business so his phone is important). He always comes up with excuses but I am realising that basically this man is one big taker. I phoned yesterday as there was a big bill for an 0844 number as the card machine had broken down in his business and they don't have a landline to report it. I asked him not to call this number from the mobile as the charges are so high. On the phone he was appalled and said he wouldn't do it again and he'd transfer the money for it. I just got another alert on my bill (it's set up to flash up for excessive charges) to show that the minute after I had the call with him, he dialled the number again!

I realise now that all the 'nice' behaviour he has been showing me has been to keep getting his own way. I have insisted he comes here tomorrow (I can't go out as I have a delivery coming) but I have a strong suspicion he won't turn up. He is at work tomorrow I suspect so once my delivery has come, I can go there but last time I did this, he said he didn't have the keys on him. I don't want to go round to his house as his wife won't answer the door to me (and they have an elder child and tbh I don't want to cause a scene in front of any dcs) but I do need the keys back for the car. It's one of those touch start cars and the replacement keys cost a fortune but more importantly, him keeping the keys means he can drive it when I'm at work and I don't want that! This time I will take the phone and cancel the contract once I have the keys.

Please give me strength for tomorrow. I want this sorted out once and for all but I have a feeling it is going to be hugely unpleasant.

YellowOpalFruit Sat 27-Jun-15 04:02:18

im watching Ghandi now on Sky and channeling peaceful thoughts!

tippytap Sat 27-Jun-15 07:07:24

You sound so passive. You're waiting for him all of the time. Stop. Take control of your own life

Cut off the damn phone.

Tell him to return the keys or you'll report the theft to the police.


Handywoman Sat 27-Jun-15 07:21:01

To me it reads like you are split up now (and yey for you because he's a nob) and all that's left is a bit of housekeeping. Just get those bits sorted, insist the keys are returned. Cut the phone off. Move on. Job done.

FinallyHere Sat 27-Jun-15 07:22:54

Hi, sorry you are going through this.

Not sure I agree with the analysis that he is making it hard for you to break up with him: from what you have written, it looks to me as if he is giving you a chance to continue to dance to his tune. He is quite clever at this. I'd encourage you to stop.

That is entirely in your power. Ask the phone provider tor put a block on outgoing calls. Send a brief advice giving a few hours for return of the keys ahead of reporting the theft and follow through.

Seize your own life back. Make it a great one from now on.

Ouchbloodyouch Sat 27-Jun-15 07:26:32

What tippytap said. You need to get angry and get him out of your life. You are living a half life.

dangerrabbit Sat 27-Jun-15 07:33:08

Yeah, agree with a pp. Cut off his phone with immediate effect, take him off the car insurance. Tell him to give your car keys back (put them through your front door) by the end of the weekend or you will be reporting the theft to the police. Sorted!

shattered77 Sat 27-Jun-15 07:37:53

Unbelievable! You've tried to be reasonable, now it's time to put your foot down. Tell him that you are giving him until midday, then you are cutting the phone off and reporting to police. He is no longer your problem. How has he come to control everything and everyone to their detriment and his gain??? He sounds quite dangerous.

PurpleWithRed Sat 27-Jun-15 07:38:35

There's no point trying to stay cordial with this tosser. You have more than done your bit, anything bad that happens from now on is his own choice.

Tell him now that you will be round to get the phone and keys at xxx time, and if you don't get them you will immediately cut the phone off and report both the phone and keys as stolen by him. Then do it.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 27-Jun-15 08:03:47

He is taking advantage of you.

just go ahead and take back what is yours. He is a waste of time and he is costing you money.

The fact he rang that number again after your discussion shows he has got absolutely no respect for you.

GrannyWW Sat 27-Jun-15 08:56:18

Nike time !

YellowOpalFruit Sat 27-Jun-15 09:01:40

Thanks everyone. I feel a lot calmer this morning (I was furious last night) so will take charge of it today. I know it seems like I've been passive but I'm also v v busy at work and have just let this slip (which of course is to his benefit)! Thanks for the advice

Hissy Sat 27-Jun-15 12:01:19

Sending you strength for today! You've been way more Than fair. Do what you know you have to do.

SolidGoldBrass Sat 27-Jun-15 17:20:28

Once you've done that, it would be a good idea to let those among the 'mutual' friends you are closest to know how this man has behaved. Make it clear and public that you got sick of him ripping you off (which is what he has been doing) and that you had to threaten him with the police to get your keys back. You may well find that one or two other people in your social circle will fall on your neck with relief that someone's speaking out, as anyone as manipulative, greedy and selfish as this man will have a lot of previous form for doing the same thing.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 27-Jun-15 17:29:54

I trust you'll be invoicing him for the cost of all of the calls that have been made on your business phone?

cestlavielife Sat 27-Jun-15 20:29:46

Cut the phone. Cut all ties. Let him sort his business communications put. It is not your problem .

dangerrabbit Sun 28-Jun-15 10:18:13

How did it go op?

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