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Should I tell him to fuck off for good?

(18 Posts)
mummyguts Fri 26-Jun-15 22:00:27

I'm am 5 months pregnant and exp (father of baby) is useless.

Some things he has done: going out til the early hours of the morning without contacting me,leaving me lying awake waiting for him so I can let him in.

Promising to quit smoking and lying to my face with my pregnant nose I can tell when and what he's been smoking for hours after

Promising to buy things for me/baby and doing nothing but spending over a grand at least on himself in the space of a week

Living in my house for months paying no rent (previously agreed he would) making a mess of the house and having no respect for my belongings

Acting self pitying about everything (example: missing an important antenatal appointment that he booked the day off work for because he was hungover i know for a fact he was at a party the while night and telling me he had to get drunk the night before because everything was 'too much for him'

Not listening to me when I told him that I didn't want to move in with him, and when I split up with him acting like it had never happened the next day (he is fully aware that we are not together now)

I could go on and on and on

The agreement we made was that he'd still be involved with the baby, but now all I want to do is tell him to fuck off and leave me to raise my child on my own, in peace.
I don't love him, I don't even like him at all anymore.
The baby is having my last name and I don't want this mans name on the birth certificate, I don't want him to have anything to do with my baby.

DragonsCanHop Fri 26-Jun-15 22:02:23

Cock lodger

You know what to do.

mrstweefromtweesville Fri 26-Jun-15 22:03:21

If he insists on keeping in contact with the child, I don't think you will be able to stop him.
Your child will want to know who his/her father is.
But you don't have to live with him.

Hassled Fri 26-Jun-15 22:04:22

Yes, tell him to fuck off.
But he still is the baby's father. He can have a relationship with the baby without being in your home and making you unhappy.

mummyguts Fri 26-Jun-15 22:08:32

Thanks for replying, thing is I DO want him to have the best relationship that he can with the baby, I don't want our disagreements for ruin his chances with his first child, But at the moment it seems like it would cause more harm than good

FriendofBill Fri 26-Jun-15 22:09:33

Get rid now while you are mobile and can get things in place.
Think about who you would like for a birthing partner.
Get prepared.

butterflygirl15 Fri 26-Jun-15 22:10:50

the thing is if he wants contact with the child he could take you to court, and you would need cast iron reasons to prevent that contact.

But I agree he is a cocklodger and there is no need whatsoever for any relationship between you and him.

mummyguts Fri 26-Jun-15 22:31:18

And this is happening NOW, yesterday he promised that today he'd bring me strawberries and a baby magazine (all I want right now) but he texted to say he was too tired and would go straight home to bed, and a couple of hours ago I saw him in town with a bunch of people (including a girl I was suspicious of for the whole time we were together, she's welcome to him now)

Tbh when it comes to it he is the baby's dad, and he could be far worse. I suppose what's really going to happen is we'll just muddle along being nice to eachother for baby's sake.

Didn't expect a conclusion to be reached, just needed a rant!

Janette123 Sat 27-Jun-15 08:01:46

"Should I tell him to fuck off for good?"

Yes

PurpleWithRed Sat 27-Jun-15 08:07:47

Why on earth are you having this man's baby? Tell me it was an accidental pregnancy?

Sconejamcream Sat 27-Jun-15 08:10:13

Yes, tell him to fuck off!

Vivacia Sat 27-Jun-15 08:11:39

Why on earth are you having this man's baby?

She's having her baby.

Newtobecomingamum Sat 27-Jun-15 09:05:36

Be strong, get rid now this man is no good for you!! If he's like this now why you are pregnant, what makes you think he's going to be a good dad?? Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth I'm afraid. Sorry you are going through this but the sooner you get this man out of your life the better x

SylvaniansAtEase Sat 27-Jun-15 10:07:39

Yes. Absolutely yes. Get rid for good.

That is the ONLY way this situation is going to end well. He might one day be a good dad, he certainly has the right to be in the baby's life and be the best dad he can.

But what he has PROVEN so far is that he probably won't be, and that he DEFINITELY won't be and hasn't been a good partner. You have to do the best for yourself and the best for your baby, and so that means get rid.

Get rid so you don't get let down, and your baby, when you need support most.

Get rid so you don't end up with him sponging off you.

Get rid so you have the chance to direct your own life (and YES give the baby your surname and depending on how things go, maybe not put him on the bc).

Get rid so that you are free to move on and be happy with someone else.

Get rid so that all these positive things can happen and your baby will reap the benefits of that - happy parent, stable home, more financial security, possibly loving step parent and siblings in the future.

Get planning now before you get more pregnant. Keep him well away, no contact at all right now. Get a birth partner. Keep him away from appointments. Get strong. Set other support in place.

He will either disappear or will wake up and want to be involved with his child. Tell him to keep his distance until the baby is born - and no he will NOT be at the birth, the most important thing there for both you and the baby is that YOU are totally relaxed and supported so the birth goes as well as it can, and that doesn't include having a prick who let you down staring at you the whole time.

Then if he's still around, you set contact times and finances and keep him very much at arms' length.

That's pretty much the only way you will be able to keep control of the situation without ending up with him sat in your home sponging for fag money while you care for your newborn. Hopefully he will step up, see that you're not to be messed with and do his bit.

But as I said, he'll most likely disappear. If he does - lucky escape.

WellErrr Sat 27-Jun-15 10:13:38

yesterday he promised that today he'd bring me strawberries and a baby magazine

If you're not with him and you don't like him, why are you expecting him to be bringing you gifts?

Get your own strawberries and baby magazine!

I really don't think that you can have broken up and be calling him all this stuff, whilst still expecting him to buy you stuff.

Cabrinha Sat 27-Jun-15 11:56:49

You've chosen to have a child with him, so unless he's a bad father, I think you need to allow him a relationship with his child - for the child's sake.

Beyond that... Why the fuck is he living with you, let alone rent free?!!

Get him out, NOW. And sort out proper access plans for after the baby arrives.

But your own strawberries, and leave him to run around with whoever he wants.

I get that if you're flatsharing it's not big deal to ask him to pick sonething up. But you shouldn't be sharing, not in these circumstances.

SolidGoldBrass Sat 27-Jun-15 22:11:09

Throw him out and cut contact. He doesn't get to come to any ante-natal appointments and he doesn't get to be at the birth. He has no rights at all regarding your pregnancy, or the baby, until after it's been born, and very few rights WRT contact with a newborn as mother and baby's health and wellbeing come first.
This means you can tell your midwife, doctors etc that he is not to be admitted to the labour ward/maternity unit, and if he does try to turn up and make a fuss he can be forcibly removed by security.
Once you've recovered from the birth, if he actually wants to see the baby you can make arrangements with him but TBH it sounds like he is the sort of selfish lazy manchild who won't bother you at all, but will sit in the pub whining from time to time about 'bitch won't let me see my kid.' Don't chase him to be a father, but be prepared to accomodate reasonable contact between the child and him if he asks.

LovelyFriend Sun 28-Jun-15 16:01:58

Yes get rid asap. Stop asking him to bring you stuff.

He will have rights re access to his child. However you don't have to facilitate this access. Step back and let him organise it himself. If he is as useless and selfish as you describe he may not get it together.

You can register birth on your own in which case he won't be on birth certificate. Again let him do the necessary to get himself named on birth cert. He probably won't sort that out either.

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