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I feel so low

(5 Posts)
inthesticks14 Fri 26-Jun-15 20:20:18

Bit of backround with DH 5 years married less than 1. I have 1 DC 12 from a previous relationship who DH treats like his own. I have my own house rented but we have moved into DH house in the last year beside his family. We both work 40 hour week. We had a great relationship before getting married but since then it has gone downhill. We are trying to ttc but it is not happening. I feel like DH never supports me anymore and just lives his own life.
He started spending a lot of time in the pub even though we have renovations to finish and not doing anything with us as a family. I started to feel very down after a few months and started drinking every night in the house. I ended up on AD's and a few weeks after became so desperate I rang a helpline at 3 in the morning and when he found me on the phone all he wanted to know was who was I ringing ( I have never given him any reason to think I would cheat). I felt hurt that he would think this of me and that he couldn't see how desperate I was for help.I decided after this to really try and sort things for all our sakes so I have quit drinking and he has cut back on his. I am also of AD's now and feel better.
I took up a hobby that has the potential to make money and also helps keep me occupied. Which brings me to today I was really excited telling him that I got my first paid "job" from my hobby and all he could say was "you haven't even finished the ones you started". I was doing these in my free time to sell later. I had an op last week and was unwell for a few weeks beforehand so the hobby took a backseat.
I just feel so deflated by his response, it's like he can't resist an opportunity to make me feel silly or to take the good out of it.
I tried talking to him but its the same as always he says he didn't think before he said it or didn't mean it and then he sits and stares in space so there's not point continuing trying to sort things out. We get on great for a few days and then the same cycle starts again.
I wish we could go back to the way we used to be. Sorry that was long just needed to get it out!

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Fri 26-Jun-15 20:29:42

Hi. Sorry for how low you have felt. Been there.
Is there a problem with him that he's hiding maybe? Insecurity? Sometimes people can put their loved one down to, in a warped way, make them feel dependant on them. Could he be trying to stifle you as he's not been coping with everything and is afraid he will lose you? I'm not making excuses for him, just talking from experience.
Either way you are feeling ground down and it can't continue. People are so irrational at times....It should be easier but it generally isn't. Sorry I've not been much help flowers just didn't want to read and ignore

inthesticks14 Fri 26-Jun-15 20:44:31

Thank you for replying. I don't know its so hard to figure out I know he loves us. I have told him we can leave if that's what he wants but he says he doesn't want us to go. I don't want either of us to be sitting in ten years hating each other and I feel if we continue acting this way that's what will happen.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Fri 26-Jun-15 20:50:47

You're taking the first step by admitting it's not right. Unfortunately unless he's willing to open up and tell you WHY he's acting so spiteful and angry ( it is passive aggressive to make snide comments ) you'll never move on.
You may need to be brave and sit him down, without distractions, and explain that you ate not happy and platitudes will not help you. Give him open court to get EVERYTHING out and empty his head of the lot. Then you can decide if you can fix it or its beyond saving. As I said, been there. Thinking of you your post touched me. It's awful to feel so miserable in your day to day life. flowers

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Fri 26-Jun-15 20:51:53

Are not happy. Sorry. Auto correct is hungry apparently.

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