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Wedding imminent. Relationship shitty.

(84 Posts)
Albadross Fri 26-Jun-15 20:08:36

I posted in AIBU last weekend about my DP going to Glastonbury Festival.

Well, he's currently there, with a bunch of mates who do drugs often, most of whom don't have children. I'm stuck at home working full time and doing all nursery runs/childcare for DS since yesterday until Tuesday, when he'll return just to go straight back to work which includes overnighters.

My mental health isn't great, which has been the case for a while now, and I foolishly assumed he'd take that into consideration. That plus the fact that some weeks DS is at nursery whilst DP is off, lounging around at home, not helping out with cleaning or doing anything I ask him to do - and I mean things that all adults have to do, nothing overtly challenging but it seems unless i tell him several time, it will never get done. He only works half the days in a year.

I, however, get 2 days off a week, plus I do every other Friday working from home with DS home with me. I spend at least one of my days off cleaning just to try and get things at least hygienic for the coming week. Mess affects me considerably and I came home from work the day DP left to find skid marks in the loo and rubbish from expensive items he'd bought to take with him, after complaining he had no money.

Our wedding is booked for October, but right now I could happily murder him. He bought a new phone to take with him too, but has he called or texted? Hell no. We have no family close by and there's not a soul I can call upon in an emergency. Now I know that sounds melodramatic, but the way I've been feeling over the past months I would feel reassured somewhat if I knew someone would check in to make sure we were ok.

He's been very 'busy' planning the wedding, around his own agenda. It seems he's forgotten that at the end of the party, we'll actually be married confused

I'm not really sure why I'm posting or what I expect people to say (other than LTB) but I guess I just wanted some comfort.

SanityClause Fri 26-Jun-15 20:16:12

Sweetie, you know this isn't working.

Spend the weekend sorting yourself out, to plan a future for you and DS.

And we'll be here to check in on you.


TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Fri 26-Jun-15 20:17:20

this sounds very out of balance. do you feel able to set some terms in advance of actually marrying him? You don't have to, you know. Any time right up until the vows you are free to change your mind.

Threefishys Fri 26-Jun-15 20:30:30

If it helps my DP is at Glastonbury too.I'm ok with it we've not been together that long and he had tickets just before we got together. I for one am sick of seeing/hearing about it on the tv and radio. I wouldn't want to go, not my thing but I'm a teensy bit envious and missing him loads so much so that I've ignored his messages as I know they will just make me more envious!

AwkwardSquad Fri 26-Jun-15 20:43:14

When you think about spending the rest of your life with him, how does it make you feel?

DinnaeKnowShitFromClay Fri 26-Jun-15 20:57:01

Glastonbury could be the best ever.....for you ! Use this time to make the decision you know has to be made. Do not marry this man. He is not right for you and won't suddenly change for the better once you are married, his behaviour will become worse and you will be trapped. Pick your moment, leave him an be happy. He sounds like a selfish prick.

Offred Fri 26-Jun-15 21:03:03

Always a bad idea to marry when the relationship is shitty.

You have some time over the weekend to sort some things out. At the very least I would not be marrying him when I was so unhappy with how the collective burden was shared out. If you don't want to break up at least consider cancelling the wedding.

MrsJackAubrey Fri 26-Jun-15 21:03:27

what do you like about this man? out of interest...

Offred Fri 26-Jun-15 21:05:17

Bear in mind things usually go downhill after marriage.

Stubbed Fri 26-Jun-15 21:14:31

He works half the days per year and does nothing in the house? Why not? I don't think that is acceptable.

PacificDogwood Fri 26-Jun-15 21:17:31

Defer the marriage.

Re-evaluate what your life is gaining by having him in it.

Penfold007 Fri 26-Jun-15 21:22:43

Isn't this the man who couldn't even be positive about your brand new degree? Do you really want to marry him?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Fri 26-Jun-15 21:25:08

Is DP your DS's father?

MorrisZapp Fri 26-Jun-15 21:25:48

You won't get different advice this time. If you won't leave him, at least cancel the wedding.

Olddear Fri 26-Jun-15 22:12:06

Make a list of pros and cons of marrying him. Actually write it down. How does it look?

Jesus Fucking Christ

RandomMess Fri 26-Jun-15 22:16:08

You've posted quite a few times and you've had peoples opinions.

Why are you reluctant to cancel the wedding?

Why are you reluctant to end the relationship?

From all of your posts he does sound like a cocklodger.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 26-Jun-15 22:19:02

I keep seeing you on here. I keep seeing people advise you to, at the very least, postpone the wedding. Are you even considering that? Because I got married, after lots of people told me not to, and had to get divorced. Much easier not to marry of you don't think it's a good idea.

Whichseason Fri 26-Jun-15 22:23:10

What do you want people to say? There is no magic formula or any formula to change the behaviour of your partner. You can only deal with the way you react to it.

shattered77 Fri 26-Jun-15 22:26:38

Perhaps if you saw it as postponing the wedding for now, it wouldn't seem such a daunting prospect? Can you relocate for a bit to be closer to family for support? That might help you get perspective and feel stronger. Look after yourself and your dc.

TendonQueen Fri 26-Jun-15 22:26:57

Have read your previous threads. I know you say you want comfort and you know you'll be told to LTB, but unless you make a decision to end this or at least cancel the wedding, the same sorts of things will keep happening.

RoobyTuesday Fri 26-Jun-15 22:34:39

He is taking advantage of the fact that you are isolated from your family and friends to do as he pleases and walk all over you. The fact that someone would do this implies they have little or no respect for you. This is not good enough, this is not the reality of normal, functional, loving relationships and you deserve better.
This does not look good for you in the future op - do not marry him.

Becauseicannes Fri 26-Jun-15 23:07:23

He doesn't sound like he is a supportive partner. Run a mile while you can.

buttonmoonboots Sat 27-Jun-15 07:01:25

Do you know what's keeping you in this relationship? What thoughts or beliefs stop you walking away?

My DH is at Glasto this weekend. He is there working and has found time to text me; he did the food shopping before he left; etc.

I nearly married someone like your DP.

I hope you don't marry him.

Eminado Sat 27-Jun-15 07:05:15

Do not narry this man.

From posts above you have been told this before so....

No one on the internet can fix this man. Ndo not marty him.


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