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Husband Started Smoking again ?

(7 Posts)
butterfly198615 Fri 26-Jun-15 19:11:32

Hi everyone I'm new so sorry of its not in the right place and sorry if this is a long first post.
Me and my husband quit smoking years ago, as we have both had family members die of cancers caused by smoking and we have 2children decided it isn't worth the risk, and we both were clear how we felt about it. my husband was dealing with a lot of stress in his job plus we lived with my parents which wasn't ideal and I ha suspicions of him smoking but never pushed it.He got a new job which he claims is loads better and we also have our own house now, but he always seemed to me on another planet taking every opportunity to get out of the house and he hardly spent any time with me or the kids, I noticed he did come in smellin of smoke but as we lived round the corner from his step dad I thought maybe he had just gone round there they smoke and thought the smoke has got on him that way, so I didn't ask. but I could smell it on his breath etc. one day I wasn't feeling myself and he went out to walk our dog and come in stinking of smoke. So I went to investigate, and found a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. it all kicked off and he said he wasn't going to do it anymore. I went out and got him an ecig and he was quite happy with that,but I don't think it's satisfying his needs as we constantly seem to be spending more money each week. he told me he wasn't getting the throat hit any more so wanted to go onto a hight nicotine level to satisfied his addiction and he was in a miserable snappy mood all day, but next day we got it sorted and he seemed happy but now he wants a higher box mod which is even more expense.
I dont know what to do. part of me feels like just say stuff it and let him get on with his smoking. my fear is off the side effects and all the problems that come with it. I want my husband to be happy,and part of me says life is too short to be unhappy and it's not like he might get a smoking related cancer anyways. but then if he does I would be gutted. I'm hurt and my head is all over the place I am constantly thinking about it all the time. What hurt the most is that my husband was happy not to hug or kiss me, in case I found out or smelt it , also just not giving a damn about us,and what we had talked about. he said he smoked because of being board at work or stress and he didn't know what else to do. I used to smoke its the last thing I would do is smoke. I just think he did it because he wanted too.
I just want advice on what people would do, as I cannot think straight as its close to my heart. x

butterfly198615 Fri 26-Jun-15 19:12:28

We have been together 15 years x

PushingThru Fri 26-Jun-15 19:18:37

He needs to want to stop for himself & make the change. There are lots of options to help: nhs stop smoking services, hypnotherapy, gums, patches. You seem really upset about it. Do you think maybe you could agree to do a lifestyle change together? The boredom is interesting though - maybe he could look for a new job? He sounds like he might be feeling a bit down about things.

Joysmum Fri 26-Jun-15 19:18:56

I know how you feel. I'm an ex smoker and gave up before my DH although at the time I thought we'd given up together. I was the only one who didn't know.

Anyone with an addiction will always struggle at times against that addiction. I know 2 people who had cancer (1 lung, 1 throat) who still couldn't give up even then.

Putting pressure on really doesn't help in my experience. Your DH isn't thick, he knows what's at stake and he'll better succeed if he can be honest with you than to feel your disapproval or disappointment.

What I found that helped me was to identify my at risk triggers so times, places, people and emotions. There's usually a pattern.

He can then take action to interrupt the cycle and take himself away from those triggers.

butterfly198615 Fri 26-Jun-15 19:27:31

we haven't really spoke about it to be honest , I can clearly see when he needs his cigarette fix. it just sucks when you care for someone so muchand even when you tell them how your grandad died from lung cancer and at the end of his life it was like he was drowning ,or your uncle died from throat cancer that had spread and his windpipe and corroded so much he was unable to eat and this was his second time he had cancer but didn't make it. and a family friend who's husband had cancer that had recently pass from it she found him covered in blood and blood all over the house from coughing up blood from his lungs. I know giving up us hard as an ex smoker myself but I couldn't let my family or children see me suffer like that. I was talking about it the other day and it's like it just goes over his head. sometimes I wish I just didn't care so much, but its so hard x

butterfly198615 Fri 26-Jun-15 19:30:25

we both suffer from depression and do take tablets for it, and he didn't have his tablets for a while so I know that wouldn't of helped but if they don't work for him he can always go and see the doctor again to see if there is anything else. I deep down just think my husband enjoy smoking and I feel now in the wrong because I have stopped him doing something he wanted to do.

PlentyOfPubeGardens Fri 26-Jun-15 21:11:47

It's rotten that he started smoking again after so long but it's actually really, really good that he's switched to vaping. He has eliminated almost all the harm from smoking so try to support him in this if you at all can.

Yes, a decent mod costs a bit, but it will last a long time and will save lots of money in the long run compared with smoking. It's also more likely to keep him off the fags than a cheaper, less satisfying ecig - which is the important thing. Don't worry about the nicotine, on its own it's about on a par with caffeine in terms of health risk (i.e. very small).

It sounds like he's got 'shinyitis' - this is a recognised condition that affects new vapers, caused by suddenly having spare money because of not buying fags and because there are so many different shiny vape things for sale. Once he's found a set-up that suits him he will, in all probability, calm down and be spending ~£5/week for liquid and coils.

If I were you I'd be sitting down with him and deciding on a reasonable budget for his new kit. £50 should get him something decent - anything over that, he's taking the piss.

The MN Stop Smoking topic has lots of knowledgeable vapers - if you want to ask anything, you'd be very welcome over there.

If you want more general info, there's a very good FAQ on vaping here.

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