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Family support worker is leaving

(5 Posts)
Blef74 Fri 26-Jun-15 10:40:54

Hey, this is my first post here and I didn't know where else to post it.

I've been working with a family support worker for over 18 months now. I'm a disabled single mam to 3 great daughters. But we've had our share of problems. The family support worker works with all of us. I don't let people in easily and it's taken her a while to gain my trust. We now work really well together. I feel like she's completely on my wavelength, she's a sounding board that I don't get anywhere else, she accepts me for who I am and sees my strengths and highlights them to me and she has taught me loads.

We had a meeting yesterday and she's told me she's leaving. She has been promoted to a team leader. I feel absolutely heart broken. I feel awful that I can't be happy that she has been rewarded for being so good at what she does. But I just feel like I've lost someone. I have borderline personality disorder and PTSD so dealing with loss is really hard. I've cried and cried since last night.

Because our family are doing so well we are not being allocated a new worker. So when she goes that's it. I'm on my own. I don't have any friends that I see day to day (or even week to week).

I don't know how to cope with this loss. I feel like I'm drowning.

KoalaKoo Fri 26-Jun-15 17:30:21

Op you HAVE lost someone, that is why you feel so bad, like the rug has been pulled out from under you.
Is there any way to appeal or request another support worket?
Do you have some structure to your week, I think that would really help right now.
Also would you consider sharing your feelings with your doctor or a counsellor perhaps?

goddessofsmallthings Fri 26-Jun-15 18:06:05

flowers Many congratulations on having achieved so much with the help of your family support worker that you no longer need outside intervention from whichever agency determined that your family unit was failing - you've certainly earned a wine and cake smile

However imo, as you have become dependent on having a cheery face and a listening ear to instruct and help you through the disadvantages and problems caused by your being a disabled single mum, the decision to abruptly withdraw the support you have been given is as ill-advised as it is premature as this should have done by the number of visits per week/month being gradually decreased over a period of time .

By terminating support from a family worker with immediate effect, it seems to me that all of the good work which has been accomplished may fail to be of help to you in the absence of onoging support, albeit that this is maintained at a greatly reduced level to that which you and your family were intitially considerend to be in need of.

On the other hand, it could be that you won't 'gel' in such a positive manner with another worker and their visits could become more of an intrusion than a welcome opportunity to seek advice/affirmation for you.

It seems that what's happened here is that your support worker's well-deserved promotion has been used as an opportunity to save costs by allocating scant resources to other families who are thought to be more in need than yours and I suggest you make your feelings known to your family support worker and/or her Team Manager at the earliest opportunity with a view to being retained 'on the books' so to speak so that you don't feel cast off into a lonely limbo.

Are there any support groups operating in your area for those with your particular disability/ies and are you able to get out of the house alone or with assistance so that you can attend local events?

Blef74 Fri 26-Jun-15 18:28:42

Hi, thanks for your comments.

It totally feels like a loss. I guess I have come to depend on having her around. Just as someone I can use as a sounding board, someone who has always believed in me, hasn't judged me, who has helped me grow in the last 18 months.

I'm not really sure about support groups. I don't really have the confidence to go to a group. Sometimes I can't get out of the house.

I spoke to her today. I was honest and said I was sad that she won't be in our lives anymore. I wish she had come into my life as a friend instead of a support worker. I know I will get used to it eventually but it feels so raw and painful at the moment.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 26-Jun-15 19:21:44

Of couse it does, but those raw emotions should be tinged with pride at all you have achieved over the past 18 months.

Have you checked out mumsnet local with a view to making like-minded friends in your area? Do you have any neighbours or mums at your dcs' schools you could invite to your home for a coffee?

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