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How do I leave?

(15 Posts)
holidaysareoverated Thu 25-Jun-15 08:09:29

My husband is a drunk, he will never change and I can't put up with it anymore.
Our toddler son has been ill for the past week and I have now caught his virus. I've been the one looking after our son, up at night etc. Last week my husband went out and slept on the sofa afterwards. At 6.30am I took our son downstairs and asked him to look after him so I could have 30 mins sleep. He let DS come running upstairs after me. He then slept late and went into work late, leaving me to care for our sick son having been up all night with him.
Again on Saturday night I was up with DS yet the husband slept til lunchtime. Although I am tired from caring for a sick child whilst being pregnant and sick myself, he is tired from " just existing" and that is apparently the same. And he doesn't mean he has depression, he means he is tired by General life, which in his case means staying up watching Netflix and drinking.
I did go back to bed on Sunday afternoon for a couple of hours ( relevant later).
He took monday off to care for our son while I went to work, he also took Tuesday off despite me being off already as I was by then too unwell to work. He didn't look after DS though but did jobs that suited him like hanging a tv on the wall.
By yesterday I was very unwell and sent DS back to nursery as he seemed better and I wasn't in a fit state to look after him. I got called to collect him later that day as he had a 40 degree temp. I relayed this to the husband and told him I needed him at home. Despite this he decided to get drunk and come home two hours late, he then went straight to sleep on the sofa without even checking on us. DS was crying as he was feeling so ill.

When I let him know this morning exactly what a prick I think he is he told me that he " has his own life". That I am horrible to him even when he is being good and that he looked after us both all weekend while I lay in bed ( the 2 hour nap I had on Sunday as I'd been up for 4 nights in row with DS and was becoming unwell myself).

He doesn't see that he has behaved appallingly. He never does and this sort of stuff happens all too often.

I really want to leave. He won't move out as this is apparently his house and I'm a parasite. This despite the fact I work too ( do all the cleaning and most of childcare). We've recently moved to a house I can't afford on my own. What can I do? I'm 18 weeks pregnant too. I can't survive financially on my own during maternity leave.

Please help!

Nolim Thu 25-Jun-15 08:29:22

Have you called womans aid? Sorry you are in this situation with an arse of a "partner".

pocketsaviour Thu 25-Jun-15 08:35:05

Are you renting or is the house owned? Is it joint tenancy/mortgage?

If owned, the house is marital property anyway and half yours by law.

I would recommend booking a few free half-hour consultations with local solicitors and get their advice, also speak to CAB and see what benefits you would be entitled to.

Don't put up with this any longer. The longer you stay, the more damage it will do to your children.

holidaysareoverated Thu 25-Jun-15 08:35:13

Aren't they for abused women?

holidaysareoverated Thu 25-Jun-15 08:36:02

We own the house. He won't move out and I can't stay with him here too.

pocketsaviour Thu 25-Jun-15 08:40:57

A solicitor will advise on the best way to proceed, then.

Janette123 Thu 25-Jun-15 08:58:34

Please see a solicitor now and get advice as to how you stand.

My cheating husband refused to move out but soon changed his tune after he had a solicitor's letter. If he says he "has his own life", then let him carry on having it, without you.

Please end this situation for the sake of your child.

holidaysareoverated Thu 25-Jun-15 09:46:23

He is now saying I can move out and leave DS with him. Because of my history of violence - which consists of shouting at my cats when I was sleep deprived when DS was a newborn.

Nolim Thu 25-Jun-15 09:52:16

So shouting at cats is History of violence??? Does he really think he can be the main carer for dc?

holidaysareoverated Thu 25-Jun-15 10:01:34

Yes he does. Imagine! DS would be carted off by social services every other week when the dickhead fails to collect him from nursery as he's busy " living his own life".

holidaysareoverated Thu 25-Jun-15 12:05:27

He is now telling me that he is not responsible for me being ill and cannot drop everything for me. How fucking hurtful can he get.

HolgerDanske Thu 25-Jun-15 12:09:03

Honestly don't bother listening to him. He's just throwing whatever he can at you in order to preserve the status quo.

See a solicitor for a free half hour and take it from there.

flowers You must do what you have to do, for your own sake but especially for your child.

holidaysareoverated Thu 25-Jun-15 12:24:04

I know it's just really upset me. It makes me feel so alone and insignificant. I thought the point of being married was that you had someone who would drop everything for you.

HolgerDanske Thu 25-Jun-15 12:27:32

It is when you're with the right person who properly loves you and isn't wrapped up in himself and his addiction.

You need to look after yourself, because he won't.

scallopsrgreat Thu 25-Jun-15 12:44:42

I've just posted this on another thread but I think it maybe helpful for you too:

Surviving Separation

It's got loads of organisations and resources to help you through separation/divorce.

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