We've had so many discussions about his endless drinking/drink induced snoring... I am 13 weeks pregnant, I'm not sleeping very well. I'm currently signed off work with anxiety/stress and really need to rest.
He has come in, just now, passed out beside me, pissed. Snoring at full volume within minutes.
I have sent him downstairs. I've had enough. Those of you who have seen my previous threads will say I'm a sucker and get what I deserve, a man who can't change.
Seriously though, he can fuck right off. He's away tomorrow night and I'm going to tell him to make his fucking mind up once and for all.
The problem is, I can't decide where I need to draw the line. I don't expect him to never drink, he has been so so much better in the last six months that these nights out are quite rare now.
What bothers me is that he is well aware of my current situation, there is no empathy, no 'perhaps is better not get twatted tonight so that DW can get some sleep'. We spoke at 7.30pm, I asked him not to drink too much - not because I'm a joyless bitch but because I need to fucking sleep. He comes home at midnight shit faced. Regardless of whether or not he started snoring he already woke me up stomping around the house.
He's 45 FFS, we have DS, it's like living with an overgrown student.
I spent most of my pregnancies alone due to insomnia and Ex's snoring. I felt dangerously murderous towards him at times, I was so desperate to sleep. He was on the sofa for months. His snoring wasn't drink related however, that would make you extra cross!
Hope you can make some headway. He should be taking care of you, not coming in late, drunk, and waking you. Why didn't he take HIMSELF to the sofa in the first place?
Your legal team can broker a deal whereby you plead guilty by reason of temporary insanity caused by pg hormones and you'll be home by Christmas having had hours of undisturbed zzzz's in the restful environment of a pysch unit.
It has to stop. Drinkers and children don't mix. You will carry the burden and he will carry on having his nights out and waking you up when he finally gets home. Don't sacrifice your basic rights to a stable life for his selfishness.
His is never, never going to turn round and say 'you're absolutely right, I'm an alcoholic and I don't care about you or DC'. He is just going to live that every day, deny, minimise, blame you for everything. That is bog standard behaviour for an alcoholic. He will say and do anything to make you doubt yourself and your views. The only thing that's important to him is keeping on drinking. I completely understand that need to be certain. If you do reach that point, you will have been through, and put your children through a world of shit to get there. Please save yourself and your family from that x
You are not necessarily a sucker and you do not deserve this.
I am certain your mum did the same as you're doing now and it also took her 10 years to divorce him. You may well be repeating history; you grew up with an alcoholic parent and its of no real surprise that you chose a man who also has an alcohol problem.
Unless your H properly and without any coercion from you wants to address why he is drinking to excess, there is nothing you can do except help your own self. Your child sees and hears all that goes on even if he is not in the same room; they pick up on all the vibes.
Why can't you draw a line, what is exactly stopping you here?.
If he is indeed an alcoholic he should not ever drink again.
His primary relationship is with drink and his thoughts centre aropund where the next drink is going to come from; his own family come a dim and distant second even if you do figure on his priority list. What you are describing and have done to date is life with an alcoholic; you've basically lurched from one crisis to the next. He is making his alcoholism your problem and you are carrying out the usual roles that wives of alcoholics play. Your situation is no different.
I am in the same situation, albeit not pregnant. Last night I had to go downstairs and get completely drunk do to bed, this was at 2.30am as his incessant talking was keeping me awake. He then fell asleep on the toilet.
I will be having a serious conversation tonight. My father died an alcoholic at the age of 43.