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should I bolt the door

(10 Posts)
stephf72 Wed 24-Jun-15 21:32:29

I want to - he is on his way back - his EA has been going on since January and he comes back here to me and the kids like nothing is going on.
I'm pathetic - I'm waiting for the day he comes back and tells me its all over and thats not going to happen.
I asked him to leave 5 weeks ago - he does nothing
I got drunk and freaked out at the beginning of the week - shouting and screaming at him to go. It woke the kids and frightened them - the reason for my inaction has been protecting the kids and a bit of spinelessnes - and now I'm the oneupsetting my kids.
I cant stand him coming back anymore - I need to get rid of him

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Jun-15 21:34:30

Are you married, do you rent or own the property you live in, and whose name is on the mortgage/tenancy agreement?

stephf72 Wed 24-Jun-15 21:43:26

too late - I just let him in.
Not married - huge issue - one reason why I'm being so f ing nice to the bastard.
But house mortagaged - joint owned, when we talk about the split he is v generous - I want it all in writing and legalised, but as soon as it gets down to him actually going - he suddenly seems to think we can work it out.
However he will not and has not given her up. I need him to go.
when does it become harrrasment ? Can I make him legally leave?

CantAffordtoLive Wed 24-Jun-15 21:46:54

You need to get some legal advice. Go see a solicitor, or two, go to the CAB and find out what your rights are. I am sure you will get lots of good straight advice here.

Is he the kids dad?

Good luck.

stephf72 Wed 24-Jun-15 22:06:04

Yes he is and they do love him - another reason I'm so flakey.
There are other reaons like spending the rest of my life alone. Raising toddler twins on my own, basically in my head - this shitty half life I have now looks better than a full life alone.
And yet I know thats not true. I couldnt have written that a few weeks ago so I know I'm moving on. I just need that extra push and someone to tell me that me and my kids are going to be ok.
In fact I already know it, the love and connection we already have is so strong. Why doesnt he go? Right at the beginning of this I saod I wanted a quick death - if he wanted to leave me then go - he just doesnt leave - I hate him. Its so wrong that he is here, hes told me a million times he doesnt want me and will never be faithful etc etc etc - and hes still fucking here

Jan45 Thu 25-Jun-15 12:15:20

He's still there cos it suits him so you know it's up to you to make the move, you wont be the first single parent with two kids nowadays, it's pretty common, go see what your rights are at CAB and take action, you wont feel any happier staying in limbo, it's also a shit atmosphere to raise kids in.

ToucheAwayyyy Thu 25-Jun-15 12:40:57

I second what PP's have said, go and get legal advice.

You saying that he's said a million times he doesn't want you, will never be faithful, yet is still there, says so much of his contempt for you. You and your DC's deserve so much better, so get that ball rolling, stay strong and do it yourself, don't wait around for him to roll over and play nice, he isn't going to, as he's pretty comfy where he is now isn't he?

And YES, you and your kids WILL be ok. It may take some time as big changes will be involved, but one day in the future you'll look back and think how much your life has changed for the better. flowers

goddessofsmallthings Thu 25-Jun-15 12:48:31

I got drunk and freaked out at the beginning of the week - shouting and screaming at him to go. It woke the kids and frightened them

For the sake of your dts don't let this happen again and please be aware that if he'd called the police they would have removed you from the house and would most probably have made a referral to SS.

With regard to the property that is jointly owned and mortgaged in both of your names, you have no legal right to lock him out of it and could find yourself facing a civil court action or worse if you do so.

Unfortunately, you are unlikely to benefit from the sale of the property to the extent that you may have done if you were married and anything he may be promising is worthless unless it is in writing.

Could you send him an email setting out what he's agreed to and ask him to confirm it?

Jan45 Thu 25-Jun-15 12:50:33

This is what you call dragging on a relationship that is already dead in the water.

stephf72 Thu 25-Jun-15 16:34:22

I know you're right, and its exactly what I need to hear. He sat opposite me a couple of months ago and said he wanted to move away and try out a relationship with this woman - then angrily shouted if it didnt work out with her he might possibly try again with me. I sat open mouthed - he is not the same person any more. He has lied and lied to me. I hurt him too in the past, but nothing at the level hes taken it too. I cant believe I didnt see it coming - but then everything I've read on here over last few months shows that so many of us dont. It really does seem to be a type of person that given a certain environment around them makes them capable of being so cruel.

He doesnt come home for the kids bedtime after work any more - not done for months - the kids miss him so much, last night my DS said at bedtime that daddy has forgotten me, it broke my heart. But there is no mending until she is left far behind.

Have been trying to get something in writing re money for months, I know hes going to get less generous and more nasty, especially when he starts to miss the children. Feels like a mountai to climb.

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