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Unable to move on

(10 Posts)
Gumnast2014 Wed 24-Jun-15 19:00:06

Really struggling and grieving for my past relationship just want to share how I feel and would appreciate some feedback.

With dp since 2003, good relationship. I always felt something was missing. Real the grass is always greener. Never acted on it just thought it. DP quiet good man, hard working. Just isn't really chatty or into inane chit chat. No real interests together but both done separate stuff and it seemed to work.

DS born 2006. I was always clear I wanted more children, always felt fobbed off by DP that it wasn't what he wanted. He never said that but would say we won't cope, too expensive ect

Continued for years to want another child and then decided to move out 2 years ago based on the fact that I want more children and he doesn't.

During that time, we have dated each other and I can't let go. for some reason I can't move on even though we both want different stuff.

I don't want to see anyone else but I do want more children.

Have been looking after our son at the house we bought today, (he stayed there and bought me out. ) just felt so sad. The house is all messy, our lovely garden all overgrown. Feel so sad for lost dreams. Bringing our son home to this house, full of hope for the future.

Do I just need to accept what I have and be grateful?

Please be gentle feeling sad

Inexperiencedchick Wed 24-Jun-15 21:28:50

Yes, accept and be greatef doe what you have...

Sometimes we have something in our mind set for years and we don't want to change. Some people don't have even a one child.
If he is a good man, house and all that staff why on earth to create problems and drama based on the idea you want more children. Who knows maybe someone else will be not great as your DP and will abuse you and etc.
Or your DP might fall for someone you might regret whole your life that you didn't compromise.
Enjoy the time you have together.
Not what he says his intentions are more important here.
He has his point that another child will cost you more.
Means he want to provide for your son what he can, and have you happy at the same time, right?

It is my humble opinion and experience. Not much of experience but I've learnt appreciate little things that people do to me...

I'm not saying you have to do the same but see everything from opposite.

House and garden don't look good because he doesn't care as you are not there.

Please think everything through.

But no matter what don't bit yourself up. Your son needs you, x

Good luck.

Gumnast2014 Wed 24-Jun-15 21:35:53

Thank you!!

Just feel so sad about it all!

Why are relationships so hard

Inexperiencedchick Wed 24-Jun-15 21:39:25

I guess because everyone is different, unique individual with own principles, thoughts and expectations.

Some change easily, some don't...

Rebecca2014 Thu 25-Jun-15 07:08:02

You made your relationship hard. Is really having another child more important than your relationship? you really did go all out, you moved out and let him buy out of your family home. Yet you still hung on to him 2 years later, not giving yourself the chance to meet anyone else.

I could understand if he didn't want have any children but he gave you one. I would never leave an otherwise good relationship for the reason you did.

Gumnast2014 Thu 25-Jun-15 21:28:40

I desperately want another baby though

MsPepsi Thu 25-Jun-15 21:36:58

I am single and I totally get where you come from on wanting another baby. I do not want my dd to be an only due to me being an only and my experiences. If I was with someone who wouldn't want a child, so that mine could have a sibling, for me it would cause resentment.

In terms of the ex, I've been there, done that and got the divorce tshirt. We split and tried dating again. It was 'comfortable' but we had changed so much, it didn't excite me. It's changing a pattern. You need to distance yourself.

Gumnast2014 Thu 25-Jun-15 21:45:33

Thanks ms pepsi. It's hard though.

Did you meet someone?

MsPepsi Thu 25-Jun-15 22:25:34

No,
Sadly I'm still single. I've tried with the ex and it just never works. We get on well as a threesome but that's where it ends for me. Because we have a great history together and all the big things that happen in your life are with him, it's so so hard to seperate them all. My therapist always says I try to keep one foot in the door with him and he's my comfort blanket.

I know it's the fact I that I get bored and 'miss' our family that I get weak, but we go in Circles.

MsPepsi Thu 25-Jun-15 22:27:25

Are you still
Dating? Or single? Have you tried dating someone else? Some times
We fall back in habits. For me the time apart meant we grew apart.

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