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Where to start! feel like getting my little family and fcking off

(8 Posts)
vodkanchocolate Wed 24-Jun-15 17:40:14

Wow as it says I dont know where to start as some of you know on here I have a very rocky relationship with my mother ive posted numerous times and I think ive even spoken about my estranged father at some point. Ive been trying my best to take on board advice from you ladies and seemed to be working ive had little contact with her and ive been alot happier. Last few days shes been badgering me to come see her Ive said no (that ive too much on, like shes said to me plenty of times).

Yesterday she turned up at the kids school gates un- announced said she had something important to talk about so invited her to the house - my heart skipped a beat wondered what the hell was wrong, she wanted to tell me that my estranged father has asked to get in contact with us all and that his mum had died and wanted us to attend funeral the grandma ive only met about 4 times!! We chatted and I explained that I didnt want to go and she said fair enough but your dad still wants to see you (ive seen him loads of times about but he doesnt want to know). I basically told her I wasnt interested he had messed me about so many times previously broken promises not turning up to my wedding was the final straw. Ive always tried to put the past behind me but my mum was getting me so mad way she seemed to be sticking up for him. He was abusive towards my mum for years beat her black and blue in front of me and my siblings why the hell should she care, its like hes still got an hold of her even though shes married.

So my husband decides to come home right at that minute and walk in on us in an heated debate hes very short with her best of time and tells her to get out said hes bit his tongue too long, she decided to get personal and throwing insults left right and centre including calling him a smack head!! (shes very religious not sure she even knows what one is) when was the last time anyone saw an 18 stone smack head was hubbys reply, she looked bewildered and asked me if i was going to let him talk to her like that I just walked away really angry at this time and aware that my kids are listening, so she decides to tell me shes disowing me....

After im in tears and hubby is ranting so I had a go at him for getting involved so we end up arguing all night reminds me of the fact his parents arent perfect as if its some sort of competition, we have sort of made up now but im feeling so down in the dumps had my siblings txtying wanting to know the details, i just cant be doing with it ive turned my phone off and deactivated facebook for a few days or so. No wonder we are all so screwed up just want to live my life in piece

pocketsaviour Wed 24-Jun-15 17:48:44

I actually think your husband has done you a favour and I would think that he acted because he can't bear to see the hurt your mother is causing you.

Estranged dad's grandma died? Dad wants to be in touch? BULLSHIT. You were giving her back her own treatment of not being at her beck and call, and she wanted to bring you to heel. Even if your dad had said that, she could have called you or texted you with that info. Turning up at the school gates, classic drama llama.

This woman is poison. I haven't seen your previous threads but I know a toxic piece of shit when I read about one. I would make things up with your H, who I think has acted out of protectiveness to you, and count your blessings if she really does do you a favour and not contact you again.

Feel free to come and find us on the Stately Homes thread, we've all got batshit crazy parents and be happy to give support smile

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Jun-15 17:55:22

Detach, detach, detach... and BREEEEATHE.

Pour yourself a vodka, get yourself a chocolate bar, put your feet up and ENJOY.

When your dh comes home give him a big hug, thank him for 'being there' for you, and resolve to have an evening of domestic bliss with your dc such as you rarely, if ever, experienced in your young life

Either go no contact with your mum or regard her as a nuisance such as flies which don't appear to serve any useful purpose but, nevertheless, have a place in the grand scheme of things.

Life's too short for this kind of needless stress, honey, and you have the power to swat ignore your dm whenever you need to grin

vodkanchocolate Wed 24-Jun-15 18:08:27

Yes husband seems pretty proud of himself for standing up to her I know he means well id be lost without him. Well my siblings have had the same funeral chat and contacting dad so I know that bits not bull. Im still confused to if she is really poisonous or just nuts she has bad depression and anxiety as do 3 of her 5 kids including me which im not surprised about.

I would love a vodka none in unfortunately sad

magoria Wed 24-Jun-15 18:14:30

When your DH comes home tonight give him a big hug, tell him you are sorry about last night as you were upset and thank him for having your back.

Back to the NC with your mother and let your DH support you.

vodkanchocolate Thu 25-Jun-15 09:39:57

Thank you for support, Husband came home with me a box of chocolates cheer me up he sorted kids out and sent me to bed to chill for the night, still feeling really flat though feel like ive got thousands of tears inside me ready to escape.

Dowser Thu 25-Jun-15 09:54:59

Three cheers for your hubby!

Top bloke!

Draw a line under it and move forward.

Stick to your guns re funeral. Inever went to my grandmothers . I never liked her. She did some nasty things to me and my mum so I thought ' why bother'.

vodkanchocolate Thu 25-Jun-15 10:00:39

He is id be lost without him he take a lot of crap off me at times have bad mood swings, he seems to get me though which is good.

Im not botherd about the funeral why bother the woman knows nothing about me, she was an horrible mother to my father probilly why he ended up way he has..bit ironic really as I was close to my other grandma but the mother wouldnt let me go I was 19 and 16 when my grandad died apparently I had to look after my siblings but I am sure someone else could have one thing ill never forgive my mum for tbh

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