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How long did it take you to get over him?

(16 Posts)
purpleshimmer Wed 24-Jun-15 15:58:52

I've had other threads on here so I won't go on but I feel like I'm going crazy now.

Broke up with my ex in March and I'm STILL crying everyday. Slightly better in the sense that's it's not all day everyday but it's still there.

I'm anxious all the time. I feel used. Thrown away. Really hurt and let down and I'm so so scared of coping on my own with the dcs.

I've managed so far but when will this hurt and sadness pass. It's like I know I need to let go and move on but I just can't seem to cut that tie.

Please give me some advice on how to get better. Thank you

jesy Wed 24-Jun-15 16:21:32

A man I was with few years ago , it took months and I mean about nine months to get over him.
I kept making excuses to text him and see him , even tho he lied to me I still wanted him.

I think each person is different huni try and do something for you .

Sweetsecret Wed 24-Jun-15 16:30:32

Hi I am at about the same time as you and I still feel horrendous. it does take time I think, just don't try and give yourself a time frame as you will just feel frustrated.
I just take each day as it comes, I totally sympathise it is so hard especially with DC'S. you will get there.x

paperclips5 Wed 24-Jun-15 16:38:39

With my first long term relationships, about 9 months before I felt ok again and ready to move on with life. Even then I wanted it all to go back to how it was.

With my more recent break up, maybe a couple of months. He was pretty shit to me though so it helped me move on in a way. Also, I'm older now so I think I just was more pragmatic, perhaps.

If it helps, looking back now I genuinely am glad I am not with either of them. And I recently met someone who is just lovely. Please try and remember that if you were right together you wouldnt have broken up, and that you deserve better than him if youve been crying for months and he clearly hasnt felt the same/attempted to get back together. I promise you you'll find someone better!! Bst advice I found was take each day as it comes and don't expect to feel better, just get trough the day and it will eventually get easier.

quirkycutekitch Wed 24-Jun-15 17:43:04

I think it depends on the relationship you have with him now - it took me about 12 months before I was ready to move on but I think that was partly because there was no 'back & fore' it was clear it was over - I have a friend who is still really upset bu her ex 18 months on because he is such a git to her - telling her he loves her one minute and slagging her off the next.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 24-Jun-15 17:44:13

My first BF, I was with 11 years. Took me a year to get over him.

purpleshimmer Wed 24-Jun-15 17:48:04

Thank you for your replies. It is really hard. We were together 3 years but I knew him from being a teenager.

We had a late miscarriage last year and since then things have been tough. He was being very manipulative and took things out on my kids. It's a long story.

We broke up twice last year but got back together within 5 weeks. This time all contact has stopped and he's now with a 21 year old he works with. He's 35.

From his attitude before he went I'm guessing they were together already. It became public about 6 weeks after he left.

He's been a twat really and I've made excuses for him because of his grief but nothing really can excuse the way he went about things.

I just want to turn the clock back though. I really did love him. I'm heartbroken with life and really depressed. x

jesy Wed 24-Jun-15 17:57:04

Must admit I think people don't understand feeling we have , I was devastated when .y ex got e gagged and we'd broken up two years previously.

purpleshimmer Wed 24-Jun-15 18:11:34

I totally understand. I think I will be the same if they ever get married or anything. It's a horrible feeling.

But I do think men in general act differently. I decided to make the split with my ex h just over 3 years ago. He was devastated at the time. We had been together 11 years and married for 7.

But despite the upset he was with someone new within 5 months following a one night stand or two prior to that.

I just think men move on easier. They don't dwell on feelings as much do they x

Nevergoingtolearn Wed 24-Jun-15 18:53:45

I finished with dh a few months ago, the first month was hell but I realised I wasn't missing dh as such, I was just missing the routine and having someone to talk too. Our relationship was almost non existent over the past year, I felt as though I was wasting my life away being with him. After a month of crying I realised how good my life could be without him and I started having fun, so for me it didn't take long at all. My ex dh is still dwelling and on antidepressants.

FlossyMcTrumpetson Wed 24-Jun-15 19:07:41

Look into doing mindfulness and/or meditation. Any brain training techniques basically can get you to rewire your brain and make you think and therefore feel differently. Take direct control of your life my love he isn't worth your tears xxx

hamsterescape Wed 24-Jun-15 19:58:25

I saw the doctor took anti d 's for a bit ...They helped me enormously ...start thinking more positively (I noticed the blue sky again) ...took 6 months ...and now I can see it all very clearly , he was a dick . And the best thing is I don't need him anymore or the anti d's ...be good to yourself

twirlypoo Wed 24-Jun-15 20:04:36

My ex I was with 6 years, it took me about a year to get over - that was mostly getting used to being my own person again.

My ex who walked out without explanation and just disappeared one day after 3 years together it took me a good 2/3 years. It took me 4 years to have Sex again, and I'm only just dating again.

purpleshimmer Wed 24-Jun-15 20:28:45

I'm on anti depressants. I have long term depression anyway so always had them for about 15 years now.

They changed the type and the dose and I think maybe these new ones are helping a little finally.

I'm also getting counselling now aswell. There's a lot gone on in my past that has built up to this so its not really all about him.

But I do think of him all the time and I can't imagine ever loving anyone else. And thought of him with her just turns my stomach. im really struggling with it all

jesy Thu 25-Jun-15 15:37:26

I don't want to go o
Into why I got antidepressants but I have now , but best advise I've had is keep busy and do stuff for you.

Yes huni he has gone and even today seeing my ex in town I had a little twinge of what I'd hope we'd be despite I have a lovely bf.
But u have to do stuff for you , it sounds daft but today treated myself to a cheap nail varnish as I felt a bit down ,
Men get over or under the next one quicker than us

hamsterescape Fri 26-Jun-15 18:18:50

Yes!..do things for you half an hour each day at least

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