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How do you know when you're ready?

(6 Posts)
Applecrumbling Wed 24-Jun-15 15:16:50

Exh left 2009 and then had a 4 year relationship which I ended at Christmas. I'm a single parent to 1 ds. I do feel I'd like to meet someone and take things slowly but I'm scared... Rightly so after being in an EA relationship. How do I get past this and learn to trust? I've very much so closed myself off but I feel ready to let my defences down a little. I'm worried I don't know 'the rules' and am put off by online dating and what comes with it. I'd love to meet someone naturally! I work and have a household to run so perhaps OLD is the way to go. Any tips? Do I dip my toes in the water? How do I get confidence?

SilkyDove Wed 24-Jun-15 17:35:54

Hi Apple

I divorced a cheater and it took me a long time to want to date again, having said that I've been in a relationship for 3 years now and it hasn't come easy.

I came in with trust issues and at times they have tested us both, me overthinking and him being on the receiving end of it, he's never done anything for them to spike, they just do.

I was honest with him from the start, which I think has helped because at times I've been bat shit crazy!! I trust him completely, always have but I was looking for something to be wrong, if that makes sense, it's been a long road to get there but I've finally got a handle on it.

My friend is just dipping her toe in at the moment after a similar experience, she's on eharmony and taking it slowly, but I see her confidence growing every day in herself and what she has to offer.

Nevergoingtolearn Wed 24-Jun-15 18:59:56

OLD has improved my confidence a lot, ex dh had put me down so much, told me how useless I was and how no one else would want me, a friend told me to try OLD, I was a bit worried but went ahead and set up a profile on POF ( it's free so had nothing to loose ), within 2 days I had around 10 men messaging me telling me how they like my profile and my photo, I eventually went on a couple dates and I am now seeing someone. Just chatting to a few men ( you don't have to meet them ) can build your confidence.

Have a look on the dating thread, it's very friendly and the ladies give great advice.

elliepac Wed 24-Jun-15 19:59:22

I came out of an 18 yr relationship (13 yrs married) last May, only serious relationship i had ever had.I chose to leave and never looked back. But over the course of the marriage my self confidence disappeared and i had little self worth. In feb of this year, i got drunk and signed up to some dating websites, not having a clue what to expect. I can honestly say I have had a ball. Have had lots of dates, met not one weirdo (in person..,ignored a lot online), all 5 men i have met have been lovely, had 2 short term flings and am now in a relationship which i think might be going somewhere. Take it at your pace. Some people recommend meeting asap, I have found it better to spend time talking to them first to establish we have something in common and can get on. I think this is why i haven't had a bad date (or maybe luck) and only one date where there was no chemistry at all. All others have led to at least 3 dates. Take it at your pace, don't be rushed into anything and just enjoy. I found it a massive confidence boost and recouped some of my self esteem and has eventually led to meeting someone pretty special. You have nothing to lose though i think you have to have a thick skin. Good luck!

Applecrumbling Wed 24-Jun-15 22:10:26

Thanks for answering it is good to hear others experiences. My Exh told me no one would want me and put me down. My ex boyfriend has huge trust issues and I couldn't handle him.. I have kept myself busy over the last 6 months however today had a low day where I feel I want to contact him but know I can't. My self esteem low and practically had written myself off thinking it must be me.. But I do have a lot to offer..

rouxlebandit Sat 27-Jun-15 08:30:19

Hello Apple. I'm a happily married man and am new to this site but have become quite addicted to it!
It sounds as if OLD can work well for some people but, in addition, how about joining a group (males and females and all ages) where you can enjoy something you are already interested in or take up a new hobby? This would really improve your social skills, build your confidence/self esteem as well as being lots of fun. Furthermore, if and when you go on dates you will have more to talk about and come over as a happy, interesting person who is lovely to be with.
I wish you all the best!

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