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Difficult relationship with my mum

(3 Posts)
Alibongo33 Wed 24-Jun-15 14:09:11

Hi, I am 38 married with 2dc. I have a very difficult relationship with my mum for which I am undertaking therapy for at my local hospital's mental health unit. For the last 2 years since my youngest DC was born I have suffered from a number of physical and mental conditions that leaves me struggling to look after my DC.
My mum helps out when things are particularly bad with my dh is at work. For this I am very grateful.

I am having a really rough time at the moment so she is staying until the weekend. As usual, she is taking over with my DC, I don't feel like I'm their mum, she is aggressive and tells me to get up and manage which I can't. I am overwhelmed by her and always have been.

If I stand up to her she will sulk,give me the silent treatment or go home which she knows I wouldn't be able to cope, I can't even drive at the moment so my eldest DC wouldn't get to school so that can't happen.
She has me over a barrel.

I don't have any friends here or any other support. My dh is great but he has to work.

I hate my failing health and can't help feel resentful towards my youngest DC as my physical health had been fine until his pregnancy\birth etc.

Please can anyone suggest any practical solutions when my health is poor and also cheer me up.

I sometimes feel I want to die to escape how she makes me feel but I love my dh and DC so much.

Alibongo33 Wed 24-Jun-15 15:38:17


NoMontagues Wed 24-Jun-15 18:18:33

Oh OP I really feel for you as my mum can be difficult at times too. I'm a similar age to you and have 2 dcs as well.

I'll tell you what I've realised. There's nothing I can do to change my mum. The only thing I can do is change my reaction to her.

If I need her to help out, then I have to basically just put up with whatever way she is. I have to let it wash over me and think "this is the best thing for the dcs; if mum wasn't helping they wouldn't be able to do x,y or z."

YOU are the mother in your house, not your mum. She can say or do what she likes, but she won't replace you in any way.

If she says something hurtful, imagine yourself inside a glass dome, and the hurtful thing just bouncing off it, unable to get to you. Say "mmm" or "oh, I see" and then change the subject.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

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