If your husband has / had an affair did they eventually fess up?

[lordsandladies]

Or did you have to find rock solid proof. Do they deny to this day?

just wondering.

[bigbumbrunette]

I was told by the OW last year. He denied it. I was told again by OW along with evidence more recently. I kicked him out and he still denied it. He's since come to me to tell me the truthand confirmed (though I suspect still minimising).

Hope you're ok?

[lordsandladies]

Not really. Loooong backstory under various usernames. He had a breakdown. Started staying away from home. Caught him lying about a few things but all very logically attributed to his breakdown.

We were getting there. Honestly really starting to be in love and a lovely family again but found photos on a "spare" phone today of a girl. One pouty headshot looks like on pillows. 2 just sitting at a coffee place. Both at times he says he was elsewhere.

I know her from the past. He said they were still friends (possible) and she whatsapped him the pictures ages ago but when he booted up the phone all photos got downloaded (it's among loads of the kids).

I'd started to try to convince myself it was true. Don't want to burn 19 years of marriage. I've been with him over half my life and before the breakdown we were inseparable.

But I've looked again and they have date and time stamps and details imbedded like model number, aperture, exposure etc which match the test one I took on the phone.

How is that techincally possible?

He's so fucking plausible!

[ScorpioMermaid]

Those photos would be taken on that phone then. My phone does the same, full of info when taken on the phone, next to nothing from a whatsapp etc.

[crje]

Cactus Annie - what if they were sent as screen shots of the original.

[DrDre]

He's lying - the meta data says it's taken on the same phone by the sounds of it. Unlikely his bit on the side has exactly the same model of phone.
If the photos were whatsapped I imagine a lot of the meta data like phone model etc would be stripped out anyway (not 100% sure of this, just a hunch)

[DrDre]

If they were sent as screenshots then the aperture size and other camera fields would be missing or blank.

[ShuShuFontana]

i just checked on my phone,

pics I have taken and whatsapp-ed have all the meta data, so phone used plus focal/iso/f/exp+-/flash

pics sent to me just have a random IMG number/JPEG/WhatsAppAlbums/Size/resolution ...no phone info at all.

He is lying his ass off!

[lordsandladies]

Everything just fell to peices.

I challenged him with the info plus I've been on tecchy forums it's definite that his story wasn't true.

So it's changed to he lent her his phone.

I tried to go away calmly but just screamed at him to let me go in front of the kids neighbours his parents. He won't give me space to think. I'm so embarrassed :(

[luckiestgirlintheworld]

Oh how awful. I really hope when you speak to him you can get some honesty out of him.

[StaircaseAtTheUniversity]

I'm sorry OP. I had a friends who's partner was found out this way. It's pretty solid evidence.

[Dowser]

My lying piece of doo doo carried on denying everything for ten months.

I think everyone in our town knew before me.

We were 30 years married. Pack his bags. Get finances in order and boot him out.

Mine messed with my head for two years. Don't be me. The outcome was still the same , we got divorced and he eventually married the second ow as the first got sick of being lied to and him dithering over leaving me.

If he had left in the beginning I would have been well on the road to recovery in that ten months.

Instead of going through a god awful Christmas .

Good luck op. I'm so sorry this has happened. It's not nice but yo can and will survive.

I've been 7 years with the loveliest man ;-)

[Dowser]

Don't be embarrassed. He's the cheater not you.

[ChocolateBreakfastBalls]

I was told by the OW(plural), had proof, the whole shebang. He still to this day, 7 years since we split, denies some of it. Twat.

[Miggsie]

This is why people used to hire detectives to jump out of wardrobes and take pictures of adulterers in the act - because denial is very very common, particularly if your DH has a personality concept where he sees himself as infallible and you as inferior.

Sadly, the situation now is you can't believe anything he says from now on.

[Vivacia]

Tits in his interests to embarrass you in to silence and buying his lies. Buy yourself time instead.

[lordsandladies]

So he's severely depressed. I has had a breakdown. That is a fact.

His friend called me and was absolutely sure he was going to kill himself (saying goodbye telling friend he was to look after the kids etc) I've had to call the police.

He now contacted his sister to say he's coming home. But it's too late the police want to see him safe and contact social services. I'm fucking terrified what this means for me and the kids.

We just aren't that family. We've been normal for years. How has it gone so wrong so fast?!

[Dowser]

Awww heck. Sorry to hear that.

Things are really coming to a head aren't they.

Maybe his double life has got the better of him.

It would appear things have been taken out of your hands for the time being.

You need to keep strong. If he threatened suicide he's brought it about by himself.

You were concerned for him and sought help.

You have nothing to be afraid of....whatever he thinks.

Can someone stay with you ?

[lordsandladies]

No. I don't want to tell my family they are too far away.

I'm just tired now. Want to be alone with the kids.

[Vivacia]

I don't see why the social services would look in to your family over this.

[lordsandladies]

Police after sighting him said that they have to make a public protection order which will involve reporting to other agency's (inc ss) but he was very reassuring that meant there may just be better access to councillors or something. We'll see. I hate being on a list somewhere though as ridiculous as that sounds.

I don't know where i / we go from here. I know I'll just accept this so i can not rock the boat of my life. I'll just accept he says nothing happened. My boundaries will slip again. His logic and the affect my hurt has on his depression will win.

[Vivacia]

You don't sound very happy with that decision.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

Why accept this? He sounds horrible, manipulative and selfish.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Depression is not an excuse for being a lying scumbag OP. Don't let him use it as an excuse because it's bollocks

Lots of people have depression - but they don't rush out to shag someone else do they?

In answer to your origibal question. Yes I had irrefutable proff. Yes he still denied it

[Janette123]

"If your husband has / had an affair did they eventually fess up?"

No, not until I had proof and then he tried to minimise what was happening.

My advice is to get your ducks in a row by seeing a solicitor and then boot his sorry @r$e out of the door.

A "breakdown" or any other type of mental illness does not excuse his behaviour. Being "depressed" does not give him licence to cheat.