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He's done it again...

(15 Posts)
youraveragemom56 Tue 23-Jun-15 21:06:57

Long story and I'll try not to drip feed. DH has been using coke, on and off, for many years and before I met him. We've now got two children and actually no longer live in the UK (moved about 6 months ago). I found evidence 8 months ago (and I suspected, a few months before that) that he was using again and kept it secret from me. I confronted him and he followed the usual pattern of denial, then apologies and promises not to do again. I swore to him then I would not take his lying again. He was in the uk last week for work. I've just been emptying his bags and found traces of coke in his bag. I just don't know what to do. I'm a sahm and have no finances of my own, and I'm stuck in this country with him and two children.I don't know anyone and have no family nearby. I'm not really sure what to do...whether to confront him (again) or just leave. I'm just sick of his deceit.

DoreenLethal Tue 23-Jun-15 21:09:53

Leave and move back home.

Clobbered Tue 23-Jun-15 21:13:20

Leave. This can only end badly. You gave him an ultimatum, and you owe it to your kids to follow through. Whatever awaits you back home, it can't be worse than staying.
Good luck.

youraveragemom56 Tue 23-Jun-15 21:41:38

Yes, I think you're right. Just feel so stupid to believe he'd changed and that having the kids and moving had changed him. Am I even allowed to leave the country with the kids?

cleanmyhouse Tue 23-Jun-15 23:08:11

You're allowed to leave the country with the kids more than he's allowed to take coke. He's going to have a tough job persuading any court to take his side.

tipsytrifle Tue 23-Jun-15 23:23:05

mom you need to get advice regarding the legality of simply "coming home" with the DC. If you can then certainly do it. But check it out first! Are you in touch with any family or friends at all? I'm thinking finances here - you need to buy a ticket (assuming it's ok to leave without his permission) with money from somewhere. Maybe even worth talking with the Brit embassy? Just be CAREFUL until you know exactly what options are available to you.

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jun-15 00:58:40

Where are you in the world and what are the conditions on you being in that country? Is it a fixed term contract? Have you taken nationality where you are? Is he still employed by a UK firm and is there on secondment? Sorry to ask so many questions but where you are and why/how makes a huge difference on whether you can "just leave" but nothing is insurmountable.

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jun-15 01:01:16

And FWIW, yes, leave.

Ultimatums mean nothing unless you see them through. Your marriage may not be over if he takes the warning to quit and gets help, but it most certainly will be if you dont see it through because it tells him that he can do what he likes and you will take it. If you dont see it through he will keep going until he goes to rock bottom, taking you and your children with him.

Take care x

LadyB49 Wed 24-Jun-15 01:26:47

Go home with kids ' for a holiday'.....then advise, not returning.

Atenco Wed 24-Jun-15 01:32:26

You need legal advice, OP, and quick. You can take the children out of the country with your husband's permission

Glastokitty Wed 24-Jun-15 02:22:59

Do not just take your children and go, unless you have your husband's permission or you don't need it. Where are you and what is your visa situation?

Bogeyface Wed 24-Jun-15 02:31:20

Go home with kids ' for a holiday'.....then advise, not returning.

This is the worst thing that you can do. By doing this you break international laws.

Lady how do you feel when you read in the papers that men have done this with their children? Why would you advise the OP to do this? Would you be ok if your husband did this with your children?!

Depending on the laws of the country you are leaving and whether they are part of the Hague Convention, you could end up losing them forever.

You need legal advice but if you can tell us where (roughly) you are and how and why you are there then we may be able to direct you to the right advice.

Atenco Wed 24-Jun-15 03:48:35

Correction here You can only take the children out of the country with your husband's permission
Sorry about that

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 24-Jun-15 03:52:18

Yes, get legal advice. If you're in a country that's signed up to the Hague Convention then you could be in real trouble if you try to take the children away from their place of "habitual residence" without your H's permission, and fail to return them.

ineedabodytransplant Wed 24-Jun-15 15:54:35

And if he carries on trafficking Class A drugs across borders then he's in for a whole lot more shit (hopefully) than hiding it and denying to his wife.

I'd confront. Then kick his crackhead arse out the nearest exit.

What an example he is setting his children.

I don't know what country you're in but is it because of his work or his origins? Is it possible to go to court an dget an order allowing you and the children to come back to the UK?

Good luck.

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