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Marriage going down the toilet

(9 Posts)
financialwizard Tue 23-Jun-15 07:59:22

I need to let off steam somewhere because I think I need to play the long game, at least until I get myself sorted.

Been married for 7 years. Have two children, one my husbands one not.

Husband and I have been muddling through for longer than I care to remember now and frankly I don't like him at the moment.

It started when I found out 8 months after our wedding that he was emailing pictures of himself in my underwear and using various sex toys to a guy. At the time I went crazy and told him if he ever did it again I would be leaving (I was 7 months pregnant at the time). Then we moved to another country (his work related) and the dating sites started, and the swinging sites started and so on and so forth.

Then he started to lose his rag more and more at home and now we are all treading on eggshells. I have tried talking to him, I have tried getting him to see a counsellor or talk to someone else. I have tried him having a boys holiday to blow off some steam, I have tried telling him to leave. All of these things produce a short term fix and I can no longer take it.

He doesn't do anything around the house (even though we both work), he complains if he so much has to lift a finger and thinks that the eldest should do everything he doesn't want to.

He treats the eldest awfully, and has started to kick off at the youngest now as well. He is never physically violent but he is built like a tank and can be very intimidating.

I know I need out but I have to find a full time job first and that is not going to be instantaneous.

I feel so stressed by this, but at the same time very relieved that I have made the decision.

Someone tell me it will be alright, please.

bigbumbrunette Tue 23-Jun-15 08:09:16

Sounds like you've been trying to fight a losing battle! What a selfish arsehole.
Are you in the UK? You might not need to go full time just yet as you might be entitled to financial help.

Penfold007 Tue 23-Jun-15 08:20:49

Just the fact that he mistreats your child should be enough reason to be making your exit plan.

MrsHenryMountbattenWindsor Tue 23-Jun-15 08:28:10

Yes, it will be alright Op. [holding hand] flowers

It sounds like he clearly has 'issues' with his sexuality. Which is probably in turn causing the twatish behaviour. Unless he's just a twat.

Are you going to stay where you are, or come back to the UK?

Have you looked in to any benefits you might be entitled to?

PurpleWithRed Tue 23-Jun-15 08:31:49

It will be fantastic. Stay strong. Keep focussed on the end result of separation/divorce.

maras2 Tue 23-Jun-15 08:41:58

The sooner you get this fool away from your kids the better.Best of luck,I know it can't be easy.

financialwizard Tue 23-Jun-15 21:27:20

Am back in the UK, just ran tax credit figures, etc and it works out that I can just about live with maybe £100 spare every month which is more than most and I confided in my lovely Mum today who I thought would go crazy (second marriage disaster for me) but she was great and said she will give me £x every month if I need it. I nearly cried. So I can do this. Now I just need to figure out the when.

MrsHenryMountbattenWindsor Tue 23-Jun-15 21:34:58

Great news op!

Have you got a place to go to? Or do you need to find something to rent? Any chance you could move in with your Mum whilst you sort all this out, instead of staying with your 'D'H?

financialwizard Wed 24-Jun-15 07:14:55

The house is owned (mortgaged) in both our names and he can apply for accommodation at work, so I am going to suggest he move into work accommodation. I put all of the deposit down on the house and paid the legal expenses from the sale of a property in my own name when we bought this house so I am hoping that he will see sense and let me keep this place up for a couple of years before downsizing to a 3 bed. I might be able to go mortgage free at that point which would make a huge difference to everyone.

I do have financial leverage that would enable me to make that bargain, so hopefully I can get what I want.

I know it is daft but because I am instigating the split I want to be as amicable as possible but I am not going to roll over.

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