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Stop me from making a big mistake

(6 Posts)
notsurewot2do32 Tue 23-Jun-15 02:47:08

Background: I have been best friends with another lesbian for 11 years, we're both in our early 30s...after years of not fancying her I have all of a sudden developed a crush much to my dismay. Once upon a time according to a friend she was in love with me however I chose to ignore it as I had no feelings whatsoever. We have both had multiple relationships since then with other people.

My problem is this, she has just come out of a 5 year relationship with someone who cheated on her and was understandably devestated. She's now all of a sudden doing much better and has thrown herself into dating. I mentioned to her to take a year off from dating to find herself but she likes being in relationships.

I'm worried I'll miss the boat here but im really nervous about her reciprocating. What if I ruin my friendship? She can be flirty but I don't know if I'm reading into things too much. I feel like it's growing increasingly difficult to stop my feelings. I also don't want to be insensitive to the fact she's just come out of a long term relationship although she does hop from relationship to relationship. Please knock some sense into me mumsnet!

ToastedOrFresh Tue 23-Jun-15 02:56:42

Would you be upset if you saw her with someone and thought that it could be you ?

Although, I'd counsel against the possibility of being someone's rebound.

However, if you decide not to act on your feelings, you might have to listen to her regaling you with stories of her forays into the dating game.

As she's emotionally vulnerable, she could fall headlong into the next relationship believing it's the real thing this time. Just to go back to her LTR.

notsurewot2do32 Tue 23-Jun-15 03:07:26

This is the problem! I have no interest in being her rebound but I know her track record is to bounce from one relationship to the next. Her ex has been a Total asshole to her and I think it's helped her move on a bit. I have no worries she'll go back to her ex. She is an extremely intelligent woman. I have to admit when she tells me she's dating I feel jealous but I realise that's part of her moving on process. I just don't want to miss my chance.

I'm usually attracted to assholes but I've taken a year off from dating and my eyes are open to what would appear to be a healthier choice of individual. Shame it has to be my best friend :-/

notsurewot2do32 Tue 23-Jun-15 14:43:34


Khalisi Tue 23-Jun-15 16:08:41

Didn't want to read and run, notsure.

Got no real advice but I can say, some of the things I regret are the chances I did not take, and some of them were with people I knew would have been much better for me than some of the arseholes I ended up with.
I think that is one of the few things being on this earth for over 40 years has taught me.
Good luck!

AutumnDragon Tue 23-Jun-15 17:09:26

Why don't you go out a few times with her. Suggest the odd meal, day trip etc. If your feelings aren't reciprocated then you'll just be 2 friends enjoying each other's company, so it will be no danger to the friendship. But it will give you both time to relax away from every day stuff, and perhaps a little flirting would give you an idea of how she feels about you now.

I agree with regretting what you don't do, so I think you should at least gently try.

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